Taken For Granted

Dana - posted on 11/03/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Does anyone feel taken for granted. My husband works about 60 hrs a week and I stay at home with my 3 yr old son. I also take the older children to their extra curicular activities and try to stay involved in church activities as often as I can. I am just finishing up my degree online and I also clean a church every week and babysit a 12 mo old at least 2x a week. His parents are paramedics so sometimes he spends the night. When my husband is off I try to get him to take the kids and all I want to do is rest. He calls me lazy, and says I have it easy staying home all the time. I felt revengeful one time and washed all of my clothes and the kids and put them all away but stacked his in a basket.. After two weeks there was no more room for his clothes and I suggested he put them up. I told him that I had been waiting to see how long it would take him to put up his clothes. It has really put a damper on our relatonship Any advice?

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Tiffany - posted on 11/03/2009

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I have been a sahm for 3 years. I have 2 boys 3yrs and 10 mo, and I feel taken for granted by my husband. Lately he has been making comments like "well all you do is stay home all day how can you be tired." Duh. He says he is just joking but it is hurtful anyway. I tell him and he just brushes it off. It is so frustrating. He is a great daddy, he works hard and comes home and helps with the kids and helps clean up dinner, but I wish people that work could feel what it is like to do our job day in and day out, rain, snow or shine, with no days off, vacation or sick days. I have been saying I need a break and throwing hints for months about doing a date night but I am still waiting.........you are not alone.

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Sherika - posted on 01/26/2014

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It's hard to get working men to see how hard of a job being a stay at home mom is. Maybe you should talk to him about how overwhelmed you feel or suggest getting a nanny. Someone to help with your daily chores that can take the kids off your time once or twice in a week.

Vicki - posted on 01/23/2014

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Sounds like your plate is too full and you might want to find something to do that is just for you. You have to take care of you. Take 30 minutes after the kids go to bed and take a hot bath, light some candles, read a book just relax. Plan a date night for you and your husband. Let him know ahead of time. If you cant get a sitter, put the kids to bed and light some candles, cook a nice romantic dinner, play a game whatever you like to do.

User - posted on 01/22/2014

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Sometimes, getting up, getting fully dressed (makeup and all) and just walking out the door puts things into perspective. Isn't that what they do? It doesn't require a lot, but the truth is...our husbands take us for granted because we allow them to.

Samantha - posted on 11/04/2009

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I also am a stay at home mom. My husband is a wildland firefighter and is gone a good majority of the summer, so I have to be mom and dad. Its hard and I had the same issue, he felt that he shouldnt have to help with the kids or dinner when he got home because I am home all day. I finally broke down one day and told him that enough was enough. I needed help. We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old so my hands are full, plus I babysit a 2 year old everyday. After I talked to him and told him how he made me feel he has begun to help out alot more around the house. Just make sure you acknowledge that he works hard too. Hopefully things will get better for you!!

Ashley - posted on 11/03/2009

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Have him spend one day being mom, I had gone shopping for a whole day with my mom and left the kids at home with my husband and by the time I got home my husband was ready to run away. During that day he learned how hard it is to take care of just the kids yet alone the house and everything else. Now hes very grateful and understanding when I dont get the house clean and he helps me with everything. It even became a joke while he was deployed that he'd rather be in iraq doing his job then be home taking care of the kids cause cause he's got it easy compared to me.

Dana - posted on 11/03/2009

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Quoting Kate:

Try giving the kids to someone else for an evening and sitting down and talking to him. Explain how much you do and yes it may be different from the kind of work he does but its still hard and you need a break sometimes to. Otherwise the next day he has off put the kids on his lap and just say your going out and leave. Visit friends go shopping anything you like. When you get back give him a kiss and carry on as usual.



Thanks Kate but I already have to have my parents help me so much because my husband works long and odd hours. I hate to ask them to keep them just so I can go out and have fun. My dad's philosiphy is that you should include your children in all you do. Mine is just get me a nice hotel room for a night and a massage to go along with it just once in a while I'd like some pampering.

Dana - posted on 11/03/2009

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Quoting TaraLynn:

if you find a solution to this, let me know! i stay home with my twin 18 month olds and my 6month old. my husband is the same darn way and moans and complains when the grocery shopping isn't done or dinner isn't ready. my new motto is 'appreciate it or do ityour dang self cuz i'm too busyto cater to anyone person in this household!' i too also babysit for extra money and about now i'd kill for a solid night of sleep! haha...sorry icouldn't help but thought i'd let u know ur not alone inur boat!



Thanks, I feel as if sometimes i could switch places and go to work and just come home to relax. I don't think he realizes that its a never ending job. I just wish we could trade places sometimes. Well I know he works hard and is a driven person but I'm not his employee and don't feel like being treated like one.

TaraLynn - posted on 11/03/2009

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if you find a solution to this, let me know! i stay home with my twin 18 month olds and my 6month old. my husband is the same darn way and moans and complains when the grocery shopping isn't done or dinner isn't ready. my new motto is 'appreciate it or do ityour dang self cuz i'm too busyto cater to anyone person in this household!' i too also babysit for extra money and about now i'd kill for a solid night of sleep! haha...sorry icouldn't help but thought i'd let u know ur not alone inur boat!

[deleted account]

Try giving the kids to someone else for an evening and sitting down and talking to him. Explain how much you do and yes it may be different from the kind of work he does but its still hard and you need a break sometimes to. Otherwise the next day he has off put the kids on his lap and just say your going out and leave. Visit friends go shopping anything you like. When you get back give him a kiss and carry on as usual.

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