Terrible Twos !!!What do i need to do to make my child listen to me

Natisha - posted on 05/10/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My Daughter is going through her terrible twos early or so it feels like her terrible twos, she is 18 months old, and thinks she can do whatever she wants, i've tried putting her in time-out, and smacking her hand and taking away toys, i've even tried spanking her on the butt, not hard at all but enough to get her attention, and when she gets out of timeout, and or shes not grounded anymore, she goes right back to what she was doing to get her in trouble in the frist place, and she won't listen to anything that i tell her!MOMMIES I NEED HELP!!!!

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Ralitsa - posted on 05/10/2011

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Hi Natisha! I do not envy you - that is a difficult time! My daughter is just getting out of it after year and a half and I feel so much relief. It does get easier with time because you both learn how to deal with each other. I had moments of such a frustration that I had to walk out for a time out and that is how my strategy started - I do not put her in time out, I put myself in time out and will explain to her - mommy is very emotional/angry/frustrated and needs sometime for herself - I will come and get you in 5 min. That really impressed her! :-) She realized time outs are not necessarily a punishment, but a way to calm down and get ready for a different contact. So I would say - a lot of re-framing and distraction from what she set her mind on and you do not allow. A lot of explaining is a must - many kids do tantrums because they do not know how to express themselves.I noticed that one very important thing in terms of talking is avoiding saying no to her very often. For some toddlers that is just a signal to get into power struggle and they will do it readily because that is their stage of feeling their independence and trying to find the limits of their power - use other words when you can. Instead of DONT SPILL you might say - momy wants you to put the cup back down, etc. Important thing is to pick your battles as well - sometimes we can just accept that she will definitely do things which we do not like, but if that is what she needs at the moment - let her have it. But once you set your foot down - keep it down. No is a NO and that is it. Consistency in the behavior allows them to get sense of predictability and security. They actually do need the boundaries being set by you - that makes them feel safe. I hope that helps and will give you some ideas how to create the unique relationship with your child. Do not forget that every child and every mother are different therefore every relationship is different. Good luck! It will get better, I promise! :-)

Karli - posted on 05/10/2011

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Hello,
You have to remember that she has finally obtained some sense of freedom and independence. She can walk, run, play and she has sooooo much stuff she wants to do to. You have in her short 18 months of life given her what she has needed exactly when she has needed it. Every cry has gotten an answer. Now you are setting boundaries and telling her that she can't have everything she wants. Now is the time to start teaching her rules of the house and rules of behaviour. I know that she doesn't have very many words but they come very quickly and she does understand what you are saying. You have to start teaching her what behaviours are unacceptable and then teach her what is acceptable. I learned very quickly that time-outs are usually meted out as punishment for bad behaviour but I wasn't actually correcting it and teaching them how I wanted them to behave. If you continue to smack her hand, don't be surprised if she does it back to you one day, children learn a lot by our own behaviour and she will learn that smacking is okay. I think that teaching her to express what she wants in words and actions. Ask her what she wants you to do, or to show you what she wants, if she can do that then teach her the words she needs and tell her that next time she should use those words. It does take time but it does work and it is worth it.

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Natisha - posted on 05/10/2011

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Thank you so much, and i'll definitely stop with the hand smacking, i can see us going out and her smacking someone elses hand, I'll set her down and start explaining what she can and can not do and if she want anything then come get mommy, and i'll start teaching her words that can express what she needs and wants, Thank you Again So Much!!

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