thanks for your input

Brittney - posted on 08/22/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )

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thank you everyone this has helped a little just trying to see if all ur help keeps helping.

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Brenda - posted on 08/27/2013

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let me clear this you don't hate your daughter its seems like you but you dont you are just stressed out on they way she acts. you feel lots of pressure from work being a single mother and maybe you dont have the time to go out with friends or by your self.
quick question who takes care of your daughter when you go to work? a family member, daycare, friend?

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Brenda - posted on 08/27/2013

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best of luck. my sister has this problem with her youngest he is only 3 yrs old but he is a lil devil lol

Brenda - posted on 08/27/2013

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i would just ignore her if you tried everything, you pay more attention she'll do it more.

Brittney - posted on 08/27/2013

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Hunny she has always been this way and and those things I have always done. I have tried everything but nothing works

Brenda - posted on 08/27/2013

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the way she acts can be from her friends at school and the way sister maybe taking care of her. you have set rules for her, does she have something particular that she likes? instead of yelling spanking her, take away all her toys tv from her room send her to her room, don;t matter if throws her self on the floor starts pounding or whatever your the parent not her. until she is calm and she apologizes she is able to come out her room. but you still dont give her toys and what ever she likes most. until she learns that she has to obey and not do fits when she is told no or told to do something.

Natalie - posted on 08/25/2013

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I agree, if you haven't tried every mental professional arena there is, do so. BUT I also suggest seeing an allergist - especially for food allergies, and if you can, a holistic nutritionist. It seems more and more our kids are extremely sensitive to the processed foods, genetically modified foods, and the pesticides on our produce and a lot of times they act out (as my niece did) because their bodies are incredibly overstimulated by the foods we eat in the Standard American Diet. In my opinion, food truly is medicine, and I think behavior can stem from lack of nutrition. I really hope you get things resolved, one way or another, I feel your frustration in your initial post and I can only imagine what you're going through.

Patrice Rasmussen - posted on 08/23/2013

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YOu can do it. I have the same type of thing to deal with as my baby is autistic. I am going to try to teach him No more and try to get him to be more independent. I have shown him to demand from me and therefore it will take some time to teach him he cannot have everything he wants right away. I am desperate to give him my ipad, but I need one two. If he cannot use it he goes bezerk. I definitely need an ipad as this helps entertain and teach him.

You will be okay. Keep writing about your true feelings and that will help you.

Amythyst

Brittney - posted on 08/23/2013

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Ok thank you I will check that site out and I do tell her go ahead throw a fit ur still not getting what u want and about half the time I do send her to her room

[deleted account]

You need make time to speak to someone. There are free or low cost services available in all areas of the US so money shouldn't be a big factor. Remember, this is your child, the choices you make right now will affect her for the rest of her life. She is important enough for you to give up some time to get the help you need.

Use this website to find a free or low cost service in your area:
http://www.freecounselinghelp.com/

The tantrum behavior is normal in children her age. She wants to make you as mad as she feels, so she's going to follow you around. Don't walk out of the room, just turn your back and focus on the dishes or pretend to read a book. Once she sees that you can't be phased, she'll let up, but if you keep moving from room to room, she'll know she's annoying you and she'll keep going.
Another option is to tell her that she is free to act that way if she wishes to, but that she needs to do it in her room, away from others because other people don't respect people who act that way. (This is a more logical consequence because people will not want to be around her if she screams, but it can be tricky to make her go to her room since she is already 5 years old, but you can work toward it).

Brittney - posted on 08/23/2013

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yes kelly i know everything you have you suggested i have done other than see help with a counselor or psychologist . i want to see one because i agree this feeling i have is not right. a mother shouldnt feel this way i dont want to feel this way i want to love my child but i cant help my feelings. i just dont have the time nor money to see one.
i usually always walk away when she is throwing a fit so she will get up and come throw the fit right in front of me so i can see it or she will stop the fit then she will come up and ask me for something she knows i will say no to and throw another fit right there in front of me. i will NOT replace a toy she brakes. she brakes it she brakes it i throw it away and will not get another.

[deleted account]

I agree with everything Jodi said. You NEED to speak to a mental health professional--a counselor or psychologist would be perfect (steer clear of the psychiatrists until you are referred to one by a mental health pro).

I also agree with the idea that your feelings are influencing your daughter's behavior. It has been known for years that stress in parents can create stress in children (which leads to bad behavior) even if the parents do their very best and completely hide the stress they are under from the children.

I just want to add a little bit to what Jodi said.
When she throws herself on the floor in a tantrum, walk away. Make sure she is safe then turn your back and focus on something else until the tantrum is over. Eventually, they will get shorter and less frequent.
Model the behavior you want to see in her. When you are frustrated, do not yell because that will teach her to yell when she is frustrated. Don't spank because that will teach her to hit when she is frustrated.
The best discipline is natural/logical consequences. Let her experience a consequence as close as possible to the behavior she is displaying.
Make sure you don't leave your things in her reach for her to throw or break. If she breaks something of her own, throw it away and DO NOT REPLACE IT. That is the biggest mistake I see parents make. Their kid throws a toy, or breaks a toy, or refuses to pick up a toy, and the parent takes the toy away, but in a week, sometimes less they give the toy back or replace it with a new one. If you take a toy away, (and you should take the toy away anytime it is mistreated) it should go straight to charity or the trash bin.

Jodi - posted on 08/22/2013

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I think you need help. Hate is a VERY strong word to use about your own child, and I think this goes beyond frustration. I can understand you feeling frustrated, but taking that to "hating" your child is a whole other level. Can I suggest you initially seek some counselling, someone who will listen to you objectively and help you explore your feelings, and then may be able to offer advice on how to manage this less stressfully.

Keep in mind that children often feed off how we are feeling. You are a busy woman. Your daughter is possibly picking up on your tiredness, and your accumulated anger and hate, and this is just creating a conflict cycle that you can't get out of. Unfortunately, you are the adult here, so you need to find a way to step out of that cycle first. Because it sounds like it has really reached breaking point, I think a psychologist is your best answer in helping you step back, re-evaluate and then put something more positive into action.

Brittney - posted on 08/22/2013

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also this is not supposed to be under stay at home. i work 40+ hours a week so it is supposed to be under working mother.

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