The clinging phase, with teething, leave it alone or hold your baby?

Cassandra - posted on 08/28/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My nine month old is teething real bad and all she wants is me. I want to comfort her. but I dont want the clinging to become such a habit that it crosses over into early childhood. it doesnt look very cute having a six hear old latched on to your leg and its not very comfortable Id imagine. so what should I do? I want to hold her and comfort her but I dont want to create a bad habit.

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Carisa - posted on 09/02/2010

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I wouldn't worry about creating a clingy child at this age, especially if she is in pain. In my opinion, clingy six year olds are created by moms who don't encourage their children to be independent. When your kids are sick, they need a little extra loving. Follow your instincts...that's what they are there for!

Alice - posted on 08/31/2010

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Cassandra,

I have 4 girls and I hold them when they want it. They grow out of it. If they feel secure knowing that when they need you they can cuddle and you'll be there, they are more outgoing normally and aren't "clingy."

Example: my girls are all about to have bdays, but now are 6, 4, and 2 (besides my 7-mo-old). My two oldest spent 10 days with my parents & sisters in a different state (by themselves!) when they were 4 & 2 and they told my husband & I when we came to get them that they weren't ready to leave! :) The next year, they had no problems either. Now, my 2-year-old announced when the others came home that she was going up there next year. They aren't shy (unless they want to be), make friends easily, and will talk to anyone. But when they want mommy, I'm there for them, always was, always will be. I don't think giving your baby comfort when they are hurting will make her clingy. :)

~Hope this helps!

[deleted account]

Hello! My 10 yr old was the same way, nothing made him feel better except mommy! I am a huge advocate for hugging and cuddling, they are only that young for a blink of an eye. You turn around and they are going off to 5th grade! My 8 month old is teething as well and i hug and sing and cuddle as much as he'll let me, i wish someone would hug and hold me when i have a toothache! The world has enough pain in it, hug your baby, its the best medicine in the world! :)

Teresa - posted on 09/02/2010

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I agree with Kelly! Your baby needs you, she needs your comfort. It will not spoil her, or become a bad habit. Hold her, comfort her. That's what mommies do! :-)

Diane - posted on 09/01/2010

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It will pass. If you comfort her, she will become secure that you will be there for her when she needs you. That feeling will last forever, while the clinginess will not. (It may feel like forever, but I promise that it will pass as her teeth come in & she gets feeling better.) A lot of people thought I "spoiled" my oldest & that he would "never" sleep on his own, be weaned, or be independent at all. Guess what? He's 3 now, very secure, & very independent. (And fully weaned.) Love on your babies as much as you can, they're not babies forever & you can't love them too much!!!

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Kearnssachia - posted on 02/17/2014

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Thank you. Thank you all for you very loving and helpful comments. I myself have a 7 month old who started becoming more clingy to me today. He wont go to daddy... just mommy (I think its because I am always home). Now I know it is safe to cuddle and sooth my LO. Without him getting too spoiled.

Alexsandra - posted on 09/20/2013

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Hold your baby! Follow your instincts!! Your baby will cling a lot more later if you do not meet her needs now. In fact, the more they feel bonded to you, the more emotionally secure and independent they are later, and for the rest of their life.
Jean Liedloff writes about this in her book, The Continuum Concept, read in universities around America. I apprenticed under her for 10 years. We carried ours mostly he crawled. BABIES DO NOT WANT TO BE CARRIED AROUND WHEN THEIR NEEDS HAVE BEEN MET! THEY WANT TO USE THEIR OWN LEGS! Never would you see a clinging child if parents would just master a few principles! This is the 1st one. This is the natural order of all mammals: They are attached to another being until they can move about on their own. THey innately know they are danger to prey if we were in an un-industrialized environment. Our culture has it all backward!

Kellean - posted on 08/31/2010

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Also, just a note if you give them any kind of numbing medicine make sure it is doctor approved. It can have a nasty side affect in that it can cause the back of the throat and tongue to go numb resulting in them choking on their own saliva o tongue. That actually happened to my oldest son when he was little. Someone suggested I give them Orajel and I rubbed just a smidgen on his gums. What a scary side affect! She is pretty young so I would check with your doctor. I was always told to give them Tylenol. Again check with your doctor. :)

Kellean - posted on 08/31/2010

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What a sweetheart!! You can never give too much cuddling. Never!! Our children need that kind of comfort when they don't understand why they are hurting and mom's can make them feel a lot better. Give her lots and lots of love. I cuddled and held my children all the time. There is never too much! They are all older now 21, 18 and 16. They are the sweetest most loving kids. I contribute that to not listening to old wives tales about how you shouldn't hold your children too much because it spoils them. Your child is hurting and she needs her mommy. Give her lots of love!! Have daddy give her lots of love, Grandma and Grandpa. She will allow all family members to give her comfort for those times Mommy isn't available. Poor thing their mouths really hurt during this time. Be there for her! Just remember she is a little you and when you hurt don't you want to be comforted?
Best wishes to you and your daughter! Cherish these times, they grow up so fast! :)

Dee - posted on 08/31/2010

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Just comfort her pat her back tylenol works well she will not be on your leg at 6 my kids are 7 and ten years old and they are independent kids .

Daisy - posted on 08/30/2010

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I completely agree with almost everyone here. Hold her as long as possible because 1. she will grow and then you will regret not having spent that time with her, 2. because in all honesty teething must be the worst pain ever for a baby and 3 because the clinging will end one way or another it will end. My son is 11 months and no teeth and has been teething since 3 months. We have had a very tough almost 1 year with him due to the teething. What we do is we give him Motrin or Tylenol and if he's in alot of pain we do bring him with us to the room and i comfort him until he falls asleep then i transfer him back to his crib. Some nights he will stay til morning, others he just won't have it but we are not worried because he will outgrow this, he will eventually get teeth (i hope or else per my hubby his name will change to gummy) and we will finally sleep all night lol...

So just hold her and love her, when they grow up they literally won't be with you all that much...

Liesl - posted on 08/28/2010

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I completely agree with Kelly and those below. She hurts and needs to be held. When their teeth are coming in, the gums ache, their jaws, ears, and head probably all hurt too, and they don't understand why. You are their comfort. Think how you would feel in that situation. You'd probably want to be held by someone you felt comforted by too, and you are an adult! :)

I also agree that when they know you are there and will comfort them when needed, they are actually LESS clingy later.

Mandy - posted on 08/28/2010

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Hold her and give her what she needs when she is in pain or when she is sick. It won't take long to go back to your old routines. It won't last long I promise. I have a 6yo who just had surgery which was just another reason to spoil him and give him some extra comfort.

Vanessa - posted on 08/28/2010

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Your baby needs you! How would you feel if you had these horrible sharp things making their way upwards through your gums? Tylenol and cold teething rings help, but nothing beats MUM

Christina - posted on 08/28/2010

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She' not six right now, she is hurting and wants her mommy... Hold your baby she needs you!

[deleted account]

Hold her. She wants you because she is in pain, and if you hold her now, she will let go when she is older because she will be confident that you will hold her when she needs you. If she does not have that confidence, she will be overly clingy because she will never be sure if you will hold her when she needs you, so she will want to be held all the time.

CONNIE - posted on 08/28/2010

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Honestly my son was the same way when he went through it and the clinging doesn't really stop if you are the parent she wants. However there is a limit to it. My son got so bad that he wouldn't sleep at night due to the pain and wanting me to hold him and rock him to sleep. So I just would give him some oragel and some tylenol before he went to bed put him to sleep and that was it. No more extended clinging thatn necessary =) It is hard when they are in a pain and you are the parent of choice for comfort cause no one else seems to work as well. But honestly I would try the medicene. And the clinging I am sure we work itself out as she gets older. My son is 19 months old now and now that he is older he is starting to do his own thing and mom isn't such an interest anymore =0) Good luck

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