The Overbearing mother in law/ To work or not to work

Shelby - posted on 01/31/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm a new young mom. My son was not planned but i would not give him up for the world. However husband and i were not planing on having any children soon. We have a very low income, and our parents are helping us out a little from time to time. Because my mother in law helps us out she thinks she can come over whenever she feels and input her "advice". Since my son was born two and a half months ago, she has been hounding me to get a job and recently my husband has joined in. I just don't know how i could go back to work right now. I'm breastfeeding my son he eats every two hours and it would be crazy to pump and leave him with her. So i guess my question is How do i tell her i don't want to go back too work just yet? Any of you breastfeeding moms work? / how do you do it?

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Chet - posted on 02/04/2014

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I would just be honest and firm. Explain things kindly, but with conviction. Appreciate everything your mother in law does to help out, but stand your ground. You can appreciate someone without letting them have their way.

Also try to have a thick skin. She's entitled to her opinion, you don't need to take it. Let it roll off.

Your baby is only young one time, and exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is the very best thing you can do.

I did work very part time when our two oldest were infants. With our first, I started pumping and freezing milk when she was about two months old and I actually went back to work when she was five months old... after I confirmed that I could pump, that she would take a bottle and that she was happy going to my mom's. I felt better with a stockpile of milk in the freezer because then I didn't need to pump under pressure. If I came up short I had frozen milk to draw on.

Your mother in law may be appeased by seeing your prepare to go back to work. It may be enough to tell her that you're pumping and freezing milk, researching jobs, etc.

A - posted on 02/03/2014

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I understand your point of view and I understand hers as well, mainly because if she is pitching in financially from time to time, clearly it isn't about being able to buy a new tv or whatever. 8 to 12 hrs a week isn't a lot of time, you can do a few hours a day.

But on the other hand I get wanting to be home with your son during this bonding time. I went back to work when my son was a few weeks old part time, we did it where my hubby went, came home then I went. That way we both got bonding time. Plus, my folks felt the need to constantly on a daily basis tell us what we needed to do, how we needed money, etc- still are and he is 5 now. So we didn't want to have to rely on them.

Denikka - posted on 02/03/2014

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Well I would probably tell her where to shove it. . .but that's just me. :P
This is your baby and your life. And breastfeeding your son is WAY more important than whether or not you can afford a new big screen TV or whatever.
It's one thing if you're destitute and just being stubborn, it's quite another if you're making it by okay, but not great.
What you can do, is start pumping now. Breast milk can be frozen and stored for months. So, in a couple months, you should have a pretty good supply to be able to go back to work and take a bit of the strain off of yourself.
Worst case scenario, you find out that you are an inefficient pumper.
Honestly, I would wait until baby is at least 6mo old before going back to work, even part time, unless absolutely necessary. This is important bonding time with your child. At 6mo, he'll be eating less frequently and you can start to introduce solids, which also relieves the breastfeeding leash a bit.

That being said, have you looked at part time, at home options? I know there's lots of things that you can do from home to make a few extra dollars. If you're crafty or skilled at baking, you can sell some homemade items either only through places like Etsy, or you can go to your local farmers market and sell there. It's not 100% reliable or consistent income, but if you're decent at what you do, you can make a decent amount.
Not to mention that there ARE legit at home jobs you can look into :)

Shelby - posted on 02/02/2014

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Well my mother in law wants to watch him she just lives down the street. If I went back too work it whould be part time. so from 8-12 hours a week.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2014

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The earliest I went back to work was when my 2nd son was 6 months old. He was on formula then.
I couldn't have gone back if I was still breastfeeding. Who would be looking after your son while you are at work? How long would you be working each day?
There are a lot of things to think about and also costs to weigh up.

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