This can get overwhelming

Bridget - posted on 04/26/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom. I have a son who will be 2 in June and am now the foster parent to my 11 year old neice. Between, the two of them and my great, but needy boyfriend, I have no time for myself. I feel guilty for even wanting to say anything about how tired I am. I dont have anyone to talk to. Am I a terrible mom for wanting just one day with no one asking me for anything?

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Medic - posted on 04/26/2011

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NO!!! Your a wonderful mom because you feel bad about wanting that. Every mom NEEDS time to themselves. Both of the kids that you have are at very trying ages also. Just relax and find a way to squeeze some time for yourself.

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2011

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No you aren't a awful mom. Sounds like you have a great heart and love your family. I have a five week old and i myself am learning the difficulty of having a day off without taking her with me. It's hard but needed i hear or we will go crazy!!

Chrissy - posted on 04/26/2011

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there is a saying in our family with us mums and that is if you need a break or time just to go get your hair cut to feel better or whatever it may be you want,need or like to do even half hour to go sit by yourself and read a book just say so cause "if you dont look after number one (and that is you) no one else will". Dont ever think your a terrible mum for wanting time for yourself that is what makes a great mum is time for herself :) its what keeps us feeling human and if we dont take time out for us :) hope this helps :)

Valerie - posted on 04/26/2011

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nope! you need to ask for what you need...and learn to set boundaries to protect your health; this will be a good lesson for all...mom needs mom time...they all need time to...perhaps a family meeting is in order to make time for all

Kristene - posted on 04/26/2011

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NO! You are NOT a terrible mom for wanting ONE day! Heck, I'm wishing for a weekend! Can you trust your boyfriend to watch them for a day? Girl! You NEED to get out of the house! If not, you MIGHT get to a point where you're miserable and start to have animosity towards the kids and your boyfriend. (I went through this... I'm not saying you will too). Every woman, moms especially need a day every now and then. Join a play group, make connections and friends. Get people to talk to. Mom's are sympathetic with moms! If I lived hear you, I would totally tell you to meet up with me and our kids could play and if you decided one day that you were okay with it, I'd take them to the park and let them run themselves ragged while you treated yourself to a day! Good Luck! and remember NO! YOU'RE NOT A BAD MOM!!! You're an AMAZING mom!!

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Stephanie - posted on 04/28/2011

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Sweety you sound normal! Even a cell phone needs to be recharged! Explain to your hubby one day while the 11 year old is at school you need some time or your gonna crash like a 2000 model desktop running Vistas if you don't get a little quiet me time! If he doesn't understand then spell it out!! Sometimes their 'men'tality gets in the way, but he should get it! Good Luck!

Molly - posted on 04/28/2011

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Your not alone! I have 2 wonderful boys (ages 5 and 3) and a new baby girl (11weeks) and it gets pretty crazy around here. I'm a stay at home mom too and I get upset with my husband sometimes when he can just pick up his things and head out to work or go run an errand and I'm home with the kids. It feels like anything I want to do I have to take the kids along with me. Just last week I had a follow-up appt from my pregnancy, I had to be there at 7:45am for blood work. My husband had to be at work at that time so I had to take all 3 kids with me! At first I felt overwhemled with the idea of taking all 3 with me and I wanted him to take an hour off and help me out! But I knew I could handle it and the kids would be fine! And they were!
I want those moments of no one asking me for something but at the same time I love those moments when they know I'm here for them. Its just part of being mom! I feel ya!

Lisa - posted on 04/27/2011

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Nope, it doesn't make you a terrible mom...it makes you human. I "steal" time where I can get it. For example, had to take hubby to airport and snuck in a Target run and Caribou Coffee on the way home. We live in the middle of nowhere so going to target is a HUGE treat.

There are also times where I'll call my mom and say, your grandchildren really miss you, please take them. and I'll clean and watch movies or whatever for the afternoon. :)

Bobbie - posted on 04/27/2011

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Sending big hugs your way! It is so difficult to balance our lives when everyone is needy. But it is a self inflicted case of little to no boundaries. But I have the secret word! It will give you peace of mind and time for you! You ready? Here it is. "no" It contains all the love in the world, and comes with a calm smile on your face and the knowledge in your heart that you are doing the right thing. Each time you say it, it will get easier. You will also find rewards for it that are priceless.
Lets practice, shall we. Your needy boyfriend says, "hey hon, I really am in the mood for steak and potatoes tonight. Can you run to the store and pick up a couple steaks? And oh, can you also get me a six pack? That's not a problem is it?"
Your response is....."No honey, it isn't a problem if you want to pay a sitter and treat me to dinner out. That actually sounds really nice. (here is where you praise him for the idea, as if it were his own and smile at him. If that isn't what he had in mind you DO NOT WHINE, but rather still stay in control and say something like, well if we don't go out lets just make soup and sandwiches and then watch a movie. So what do you gain? How about down time with your family chilling watching a movie with them. I bet normally he is parked in front of the tv while you are chasing baby, folding clothes and doing dishes.
You see, you have powers you have not used yet! We DO control our homes, our men, and our children with our "boundaries" that we set for them. And they love you for it and have more of you to each of them.
You my friend just need a boundary adjustment. It is as easy as that. No guilt allowed either.
Here are two pharagraphs to read. Decide which one makes the least sense because I will give you a hint. They are both absurd.
#1
"But I feel so guilty when I don't do everything for him that he asks of me. I love him.
#2
"Gee, I am scared. I am suppose to do everything for everyone. When I do everything they all look at me with pure worship in their eyes and they say to me, "their is the woman who I worship and praise everyday with many thanks and words of gratitude.
New rules, Momma says, start out with baby steps and start controlling that environment. They will love you more for it!

Victoria - posted on 04/27/2011

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Holy cow, I can't believe that you are even asking that! Feel no guilt my friend - you need your time also. How else are you supposed to be all that you can be to your son and neice?

Michelle - posted on 04/27/2011

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I'm worried about the part about the very needy boyfriend!
Just by saying that it sounds like you have 3 children and no support. You need to have a chat with the boyfriend and see if he can grow up enough for you to have a few hours to yourself.

Charity - posted on 04/27/2011

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You aren't a terrible mother! I think everyone needs a little time for themselves even if it is something as small as taking a bubble bath uninterupted or running to the store by yourself or just going for a walk. I find that I do feel a little guilty when I don't take my kids with me, but i think I would go insane if I didn't get a little time to myself every once in a while :)

Bonnie - posted on 04/27/2011

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Don't feel guilty about wanting time for yourself. You need it. You are not super woman or a machine and you are going to run yourself down to the ground if you don't take some time alone.

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