time for myself "mommy time"

Sofia - posted on 07/27/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home wife and mother of 3 children, 3,2, and 1 years old. I give myself 110% to my family that I completely lost myself. I have $30/week to spend as I wish ( to control my previous over-spending) and I need advice on how to make time for myself again. I only have one other close friend who is a mother too and when we get out without our kids (once a month) we end up looking at baby books or talking about parenting. Its mostly her, but I dont want a bunch of friends without children who just dont understand. Also...I am 23 years old and I live in a nice town where the average mothers age is 37years old and they do not talk to me. I am realizing that I used to be interesting and I sacrificed a lot when I became a mother. Is there any way to be a mother and still re-gain my self confidence and have something that makes me feel like a woman as well as a mother.

Side note- I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old son and my mother suggests I wean him in order to get my body and confidence back. I dont believe I will but it has crossed my mind. I just feel like it would be more of a selfish decision on my behalf to wean for my own benefit. And I dont mind continuing nursing him.

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Angie - posted on 08/08/2011

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I would have a heart to heart with your hubby and explain to him how important it is for you to get out of the house once in a while. I assume you don't call him every time something goes awry and he shouldn't call and bother you either. If he feels he needs advice on something he can call your mom, his mom, a sister, but he needs to let you have these moments of relaxation or you'll break. I love my hubby for all the support he's given me thru out our life with our four children. He never complained and back in the day he couldn't just call me. (No cell phones) I promise that the world will not come to an end and no one will be scared for life just because you took a break.

Danielle - posted on 08/08/2011

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I don't usually get mommy time, but I am learning to take it sometimes. I will put my 2 yr old in his room to play while my 4m old is asleep & just go outside for 15m or if they are both sleeping say "f the house" and take a bubble bath. I live on a farm though so it's not only my kids & the house but the animals too :) Good luck!

Lauren - posted on 08/08/2011

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Staying at home can be just as stressful as working. I worked until a week before my daughter was born back in Dec 2010 and I haven't worked since then (minus two weeks after my maternity leave was up). I've enjoyed it, but it's harder for me to find that "me" time. I live an hour away from my parents, 30 minutes from my grandparents and my husband and I share a car. Being at home with both kids all day everyday can wear on you. I have managed the past two days to soak in the tub without being interrupted by anyone, the hubby included. I use to be out with my friends to the movies or lunch often and now since I've had my daughter it's like I can't find that balance in being a mom and being me. Recently, I've started doing Zumba. It gives me some time for myself (it's so fun!) and it's a great workout! ( I have it for the Playstation 3, so I can do this while the baby naps and my son plays)

Sofia - posted on 08/07/2011

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thanks for all the encouragement girls. In response to the pumping...i used to do that when he was younger to be able to get out of the house knowing he is ok, or to have a drink and be able to give him safe milk. he took the bottle (i tried soooo many bottles) for about 3 months, then refused them. so he absolutley will not take a bottle now. but now that he is 1 year old, he doesnt nurse as much as before. i can get out for up to 6 hours, but not without wondering if he is crying because he misses mommy. at this point its as much of a bonding action as a nutritional drink. My husband doesnt know how to soothe him without me home. It would definitley make me feel so much better if i knew my husband was comfortable being home with the 3 kids without my help. he will usually call me within 20 minutes of being gone because our daughter looked out the window (this has happened 3 times) and saw me leave (i try to go out after they are all in bed) and began to cry "mommy!" and woke up the baby. so he all the sudden has a crying baby and 3 year old to put back to bed and panics. he then calls or texts me that max is crying uncontrollably and he needs me home asap. i then, get worried and rush home only to find a quiet house with my husband asleep next to my sleeping baby in our bed. I cant leave without being "on-call". as far as the moms group goes...i thoguht of starting my own because the only group there was for all moms (not specified) was just shut down and its an hour drive to the nearest group. I cant afford babysitting and if i use all my money (my $30/week) for a "pamper day" (which trust me...i need and would LOVE) i would have nothing left if i want a coffee or emergency gas. even the cheapest salons out here would charge $30 (+ for tip) for a hair cut. or $30 for nails. i am considering saving it up for something like this...and then i am told that i am "spending this money like it grows on trees" . I feel stuck. I want to get a part time job to meet other people and make more money but my husband works odd hours that change almost daily. so i have no set schedule. its so frusturating. and my family just moved to miami. so i am all alone.

Megan - posted on 08/02/2011

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i highly recommend pumping so you can have a few hours to yourself. it also allows bonding on occasion for the older siblings to feed and bond or dad to feed and bond with baby. first child i didn't have a pump and this second time now that i do i feel so much more freedom from just knowing i have a stash in the freezer (only pumping once a day after my daughter feeds) and i can go out with a girl friend or hubby for more than a few hours!

Cara - posted on 07/31/2011

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I echo the suggestion to see if you can find a play group. It might take a while to find the right one but when you do it will be worth it! I meet with about 5 or 6 other moms every week. We talk while the kids play. Of course we talk about the kids some too but it's also a great time to talk about every other part of being a woman.

I know where you're coming from. Having kids changes so many things. My son is 16 months old and it took me quite a while to figure out myself again as a mother. Even if you have to put some things on hold for a while don't forget about the things that make you excited. Your interests are still important!

And bravo for still breastfeeding your baby. Please don't feel pressure to stop. I'm still nursing my little guy and although it keeps me from being able to leave for long periods of time I know it won't be forever and all the benefits are worth it! Breastfeeding is so much more than just meeting dietary needs. Your kids are very blessed to have you as their mom. =)

Stifler's - posted on 07/31/2011

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Having friends who are childless is the best way to feel like a woman with thoughts, feelings, aspirations and interests that don't include sleeping a whole night again if you ask me.

Samantha - posted on 07/29/2011

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maybe get someone to watch the kids and go shopping, or get your nails done, save up and get a massage! doing things for yourself are key, im a young mom of 2, im 21. i know that most moms are older but it helps to find some people your age and get out, go to a salon get your hair done, youll come back to your kids with more patience, more love for your lifestyle.

Christy - posted on 07/29/2011

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Can you join a mom's group to meet other moms? Sometimes they have nights out, playgroups, family nights out, etc. Also, maybe you can join a gym that offers child care while you work out? I did this and it REALLY helped me. Not only did I get a little "me" time an hour a day, but I got in shape, too! Take one of the classes they have, I have met other moms this way. And I don't think age is a big factor, I am 37 and have mom friends ranging in age 24-45! I met most through a mom's group. It's funny what you said about your friend talking about her kids when y'all are alone, I went out to a mom's night out event and told all the moms there "We are not to discuss our kids or Disney World!!!!!!" (that's all they ever talked about when we went out, drove me nuts).

As far as weaning your baby, that isn't selfish. Supposedly it's OK to wean after 6-12 months.

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