Tired mom

Loving Mother Of - posted on 02/13/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Im 24 with 4 kids and not so easy since they are all still babies there ages are 4month,1yr,2yr,and 3yr. Im a stay at home mom and my husband works. He thinks it so easy taking care of them and I never get a break from them. When he get home from workk he uses the same excuse he to tired he had a long day, but if he has friends come over or if we go to his friends house he not tired at all. I ask him to help me with the kids and says 'for what you dont do anything all day im tired' im so tired. Our kids been sick with that RSV and he hasnt even tried helping iv been having loooong nights for a week so far. How can I get him to inderstand it alot of work taking care of kids and get him to spend more time with me and the kids???

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Jenni - posted on 02/13/2012

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Well being older doesn't determine someone's level of empathy. If anything he's probably more hard-wired in his ways. And obviously has an old fashioned perspective of male/female gender roles.



There's really no changing the situation if he's not even willing to consider your feelings on it. So in this situation (where your voice isn't even being heard) I would suggest couple's counselling to address the issue.



Otherwise it's likely to become a cycle of you (in his mind) nagging and him (in your mind) not hearing or disregarding your feelings. This can lead to resentment which will manifest into more disconnect as a couple.

Summer - posted on 02/15/2012

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I know it sounds tough but I do think leaving him with the kiddos for the WHOLE DAY is key. You can take the baby if you nurse but try having him do everything. Make up some excuse. Find a friend who "needs" you or go help a family member for the day. Overnight is even better. He may complain but say you have to go and let him fend for himself. Being a parent means taking care of the kids too, he may not know it but he will actually feel better about himself and the kids will respond to him better.



Even if you just take one evening a week and do something for yourself. Even if it's just grocery shopping on your own, tell him you will watch the kids 6 nights a week but you need one. That's fair. Be firm, but kind, and really leave. He will get the picture. Also, ask him to do specific things instead of saying "you never help me!" Instead say, "while I give the kids a bath will finish the dishes?". And then praise him when he does! My hubby is super lazy and grew up in a really messy house so he gets annoyed by all my "fussing", but when the house is clean I try and purr like a kitten and give him all kinds of kudos and he gets the point. Unhelped equals unhappy. It's a little pathetic but it works.



Also I agree that counseling is just awesome. It's hard to get men there at first but once you do they generally like being listened to and connecting to you. Give it a try. Even just for you!



Also, I love this article, and this web page has alot of great resources. Especially Listening Partnerships. But start here: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/...

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Loving Mother Of - posted on 02/13/2012

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thank you for the advice but iv tried leaving him with them but he complains. If I do leave them with him I have to put them to sleep. But id figure with him being an older man he would understand he is 40 but he thinks just putting a roof over our head is good enough

Jenni - posted on 02/13/2012

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A shoe on the other foot scenerio always seems to help with my hubby. Although I only have half the kids you do! And they're two years apart. I honestly don't expect much of him when he gets home from work because he works 12 hours and we only have the two. I don't find it that difficult. But with 4 all a year apart! You most certainly do work!



So the only time I was really struggling is when my daughter was a newborn. I took some *me time* on his day off and had him watch the kids while I went to get my hair done. He showed up at he beauty parlour after 2 hours in absolute disarray, pleading for me to come home. Needless to say, he was much more helpful after that. ;)

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