Tired of being put down because I'm staying home.

Natasha - posted on 04/13/2009 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I had a lot of complications with my pregnancy and was forced to quit working early on. When I delivered my daughter in January, she was six weeks premature, I decided I wanted to stay home with her. At least for the first year. No one understands why I chose to do this and I am constantly taking grief from my family, and my fiance. I'm so set on Emily, my daughter, learning her communication skills, and what-not from me; not a day care provider or nanny. I really enjoy staying home with her, despite what they say. But it's taking a toll on me, and my fiance doesn't know if he should side with me or everyone else. It's very frustrating. Plus, sometimes I feel bad that my fiance has to be on his own in supporting us. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what is the right thing to do. Any advice?

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User - posted on 04/15/2009

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I have been in a really lucky position, I gave up work just before Grace was born and she will be 4 November. Ria will be 1 next month. I have had four years off work to care for my girls and I would not have it any other way- when people tell me how polite, well behaved grace is, how well she eats, how she reads, and picks up information, I am filled with pride. I did this. Not a nanny, or a creche- I did it.

I'm sure there will be a time when I will go back to work, but only when I and my daughters are ready, and we've got 12 months before that.

Stick to your guns and your gut- you know what is right for you and your daughter.

if you go back to work it will only end in tears as you will come to resent it- do it when YOU are good and ready.

38 Comments

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Lee - posted on 08/18/2009

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Don't ever feel badly about wanting to raise your own child. It is the most important job you will ever do. The right thing to do is to allow you fiance to provide for you and your daughter, and be grateful that he is taking his fatherly responsibility. He is to be applauded and admired and hopefully for you and your child, he will want to make you a real family.

Robin - posted on 08/18/2009

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Quoting Amy:



I understand! I was put on a weight restriction at 12 weeks because I was high risk (twins) and I had some bleeding. I could only work for a few weeks on a restriction so I had to take leave early, then I lost my job because they legally only had to hold my position open for me for the length of my FMLA (which I went WAY over!) I had always planned on going back to work, but I lucked out and my husband has picked up more hours so I can stay home. Now looking back, I wouldn't have done it any different! But even now (my girls are 19 months) I still get "when are you going back to work?" and I am SO tired of hearing it! It isn't anyone's buisness except my husband and me! I say if noone else is supporting you, you tell them to mind their own buisness!




Misty - posted on 08/17/2009

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I have been there, People think SAHM's are not intelligent or are lazy. We cant have anything interesting to talk about because we are not participating in society. I was told I was doing my son a disservice by staying at home and that I needed to be working to provide him with better things and a better lifestyle. How is that for rude. I am glad that I have been fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my son who is now 5 and entering kindergarten. I went back to school when he was a year old and was blessed with a wonderful grandmother that was supportive and available to help with him while I was at school and the husband was at work. Yes I would have loved to have more of the material things that working would have provided but I didn't have to sacrifice my sons well being by dropping him off at a strangers house or some daycare with ten other children in a room. I was there to hold him when he needed and tend to him when he needed. So you do not let anyone tell you anything negative about staying at home. You are doing what is best for your child and you only have so many years before you send them out into the wilderness.

[deleted account]

It doesn't matter how much money you could be making if you were working. The work you are doing now staying home with your baby is priceless. YOU should raise YOUR baby- that's why she's YOUR baby. I always follow up others' comments about me being a stay at home mom with "It's the best job in the world" or "I wouldn't trade it for anything." Even if you've had a really tough day at home it's important to convey the message that you love what I do because people will only respect your choices as much as you respect your own choices. See if changing your attitude helps change the attitude of those around you. As for your fiance, play into his masculinity and tell him how much staying at home makes you happy and how blessed you are to have a man who supports you, not just financially, but emotionally too. Not because he's "letting" you stay home, but because there are some financial sacrifices your family has made for you to do so and he needs to know you appreciate him for that.

Maureen - posted on 08/16/2009

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~~~Taking care of your own baby is work too - fulfilling and rewarding as it is, it does take a lot of WORK. A study was done in Australia where it theorises that if stay-at-home mums were to be paid, we should be earning at least AU$150,000 a year! Most of us stay-at-home mums would be the primary earners in the family! :D



I have spent a total of 6 years in the university earning both Bachelor and Master degrees only to quit early this year to take care of my daughter. There are days when I feel frustrated and guilty - frustrated because I do miss working corporate and guilty because my husband is the sole earner in the family (my husband encourages and supports me staying at home and taking care of our daughter). I suppose this is normal... BUT the wonderful feeling of seeing and hearing your child smile for the first time, laugh for the first time, speak for the first time... The security that your child is in the best hands that he/she could ever be... ALL THIS SURPASSES THAT FRUSTRATION AND GUILT. My husband even made a joke of wanting to be a househubby just so he can see and experience every bit of milestones our daughter makes.



Listen to yourself and talk to your fiance about how you feel. YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S MOTHER AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR EMILY.~~~



~~MB~~

Julie - posted on 08/13/2009

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DId you know that the most important job in the world is being a mom!!!??? Nothing else pays like it does - truly!



Why bring a child into the world to have someone else aise it? Did you realise that a Day Care child spends more waking hours with someone other than you? OR, would you rather be their main influence.



There is no other job more important ... because it is true - the hand that rocks the cradle still rocks the world!



YOU GO GIRL!



I was widowed young and stayed home with the kids and it was very rewarding - believe me! They were healthier than their peers, they were happier than their peers and they were calmore and more confident thatn their peers as they KNEW they were loved! No one had to tell them otherwise - kids know when they are the most important person in their mommy's heart!

[deleted account]

And by the way I was a stay at home mom of 7 girls, I went back to school when my youngest daughter went to Kindergarten and my oldest was a senior, she watched over the younger ones for a few hours a day, which didnt hurt any of them, just brought them closer together....I worked two jobs for many years, and just recently quit my job to become a stay at home grandmother because my daughter during the 5th month of her second pregnancy became a single parent due to a cheating husband......

[deleted account]

First of all, congradulations on the birth of your baby.....Kudos to you for being a stay at home mom, My feelings about stay at home moms is this....JUST DO IT!! what is right for some may not be right for others, and apparently you have your daughters well being at heart!!!!Look back to the 50's and 60's when women stayed at home and cared for their homes and families.....children learn better from their parents....Tell everyone if they think they can do a better job raising your child then get one of their own!!!!

Christina - posted on 08/13/2009

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i have never heard anyone say "gee, i wish i had spent less time with my kids." they grow up fast and then the opportunity is gone. we agreed that one of us would always SAH until our son started school full-time. i try to ignore my mother when she gives me a hard time. i know we are doing what we feel is best for our son.

Emma - posted on 08/13/2009

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i think u shud ignore what your'e family says and to a degree youre fiancee at the end of the day its what u think is best for you and youre baby, my little boy is 15mnths old now and im still at home until october when he starts nursery. youre fiance must understand that this is what ui think is right ever heard the saying mums no best well this is a good one to say lol, hope i have been helpfull.

x x

They Call Me Mom! - posted on 08/13/2009

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You are doing what is best for your child and situation. Do not apologize or feel bad about it. SAHM is the HARDEST job of all and we get so little respect for doing it!

I have had people say things like "oh, you are JUST a stay at home mom..." like I have no sense or intelligent input.

Did you sit and talk with dad about WHY you feel it is best for your daughter for you two to be her primary care givers rather than a paid service? He may just need to hear it from you and have an honest open debate about the pros and cons.

There was a line from Willy Wonka where one of the grandfather's said to Charlie, "There will always be money...they make more of it everyday, but that ticket is one of only 5 in the world. You would be a dummy to give up something so rare for something so common as money. Are you a dummy?"
I think this can apply to our kids as well. Each one unique and rare. We can always go back to work at some point, but our babies are only babies once!

Don't let the ignorance of others get to you. If anything - smile and laugh because you know you are doing what you need to do to take care of your child.

Krystle - posted on 04/17/2009

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Why is your fiance debating what side he should take? There shouldn't be any question whose side he's on. He should support your decision and see all the positives that comes from staying at home. (no expensive child care, no worry about whose raising your child, know that your baby is safe at home, knowing what your child is learning, and etc...) I use to feel bad when I decided to stay home then I realized, just bc I'm not getting paid doesn't mean I'm not working. Unlike my hubby, I'm on the go 24/7. While I'm cooking, cleaning, and taking care of him and my son he has the normal workday, 9 to 5! He does help tremendously but it doesn't compare.
The right thing to do is always in your heart. If you feel that it's best to stay home, stay home. And whenever someone questions the things I do, first I take it as "their jealous that they couldn't or can't have that same satisfaction" then I tell them, "I'm the one raising my kid, I decide what I do when it comes to my child" I also say "Once you [speaking to the one putting me down] decide you want to come help me out with all the household duties and being care taker then I'll think about it." Sometimes the best way is to act with a blunt, stern kindness. (is it obvious i'm a little pinned up inside? sorry!)

Amy - posted on 04/17/2009

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I understand! I was put on a weight restriction at 12 weeks because I was high risk (twins) and I had some bleeding. I could only work for a few weeks on a restriction so I had to take leave early, then I lost my job because they legally only had to hold my position open for me for the length of my FMLA (which I went WAY over!) I had always planned on going back to work, but I lucked out and my husband has picked up more hours so I can stay home. Now looking back, I wouldn't have done it any different! But even now (my girls are 19 months) I still get "when are you going back to work?" and I am SO tired of hearing it! It isn't anyone's buisness except my husband and me! I say if noone else is supporting you, you tell them to mind their own buisness!

Megan - posted on 04/17/2009

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I don't know your family so i won't judge them, other than to say they must not have been stay at home parents? Everyones situation is different..wether it be you have to stay home due to medical reasons, you choose to stay home and can afford to, or whatever. You are very lucky to be able to be a stay at home mom and so is your daughter, especially in times like now. I too am a stay at home mom had people from family to neighbors, friends and the checker at the market give me their opinions and it really bothered me....it was either "oh your so rich you can stay home" and get judged in that sense or "oh you think your kid is too good for daycare" and be looked at that way. I am in neither situation, instead my husband and i chose for me stay home felt it was best for our daughter as we were also raised by stay at home moms. With that decision we also made a huge sacrifice of losing one income and a lifestyle we were used to and it is a struggle financially and emotionally sometimes, because my husband stresses everyday about making enough money to support his family. But she is two and in less than a year she can go to preschool and it has gone by so fast that i am grateful for being able to be the one that got to see her make her first step, speak her first word, catch her when she is hurt...nothing is better than those memories cuz it won't last long and before i know she will be in school and i will go back to work. Besides being a stay at home mom is the hardest job and no one will ever know it until they do it themselves. So do what feels right to you and your daughter will thank you for it in the long run. Sorry this is so long but you hit a soft spot with this one.

[deleted account]

The thought I can't get past is your fiance doesn't know if he should side with you or the extended family? On behalf of his baby? That on it's own is disturbing.

Melissa - posted on 04/16/2009

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Natasha~



Congratulations on your little one! And I'm sorry to hear that your family and fiance don't support your decision to stay at home with your daughter.



I felt that I wasn't pulling my weight right after my son was born because I wasn't working. I was having a bad day and my husband told me to get out of the house for at least 3 hours, and if he even heard me come home before 3 hours he wouldn't let me in the house.  When I got home he was a mess. The living room had toys everywhere, dirty diapers, spit up on his shirt and sweats and bottles strewn out across the kitchen. He looked at me and said...'I would never trade places with you, you do so much and I appreciate all that you do. I know I only got a glimps of what you do on a daily basis, but I would rather go to work than stay at home with the baby, it's hard work.'  I was totally taken aback and I gave him a big hug and a thank you.



Maybe if talking to your finace doesn't work he should spend a couple of hours doing what you do. Minus the dishes, cleaning and laundry, oh and the errands. Maybe he will better appreciate what you are doing and will be able to support you.



I'm sorry you aren't getting the support of your family, but the way I see it, I had my child so that I could raise him, not strangers. I feel very blessed, especially in this economy that I can stay at home and raise my child.



 



 

Shennandoah - posted on 04/15/2009

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You should always remember that you can ALWAYS get a job, but your kids will only be this age once! That is what I keep reminding myself all the time. I am a SAHM of 3 kids ( 8 yrs, 7 yrs, & 9 months).  When i first started staying home, I was a mess. I felt so guilty for not "contributing financially." My hubsband wanted me to stay home and i am lucky that my whole family on both sides also wants me to stay home with the kids. I honestly work harder now staying at home than i ever did at my other jobs! At least you can leave your other job after a few hours. When you stay at home your "job" surrounds you ALL the time! Stay strong and enjoy  that beautiful baby!

Angie - posted on 04/15/2009

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God bless you for staying home with your daughter. I have been home for a long time (over 15 years) and I have taken flack too. Just do what you think is best for your child. Only you and her father can know what is right. As Megan said, sit down and talk with her father and come to an understanding about what is right for your family.

Natasha - posted on 04/15/2009

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Thank you all for your support. It really helps to see how other women have dealt with this same situation. And I agree, I really don't think that the first year is too much to ask for, after all I am the on who carried her and endured the pain of chidbirth.I should get to enjoy the good times. And to be quite honest I don't trust any daycare providers with my child so young. She's my everything. But thank you all very much!

Meagan - posted on 04/15/2009

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I definitely think that you should make sure that your fiancee understands your reasoning behind it. I think too many people believe that SAHMs are just being selfish and lazy, but it is really what is best for the child. As far as not being able to aford it, well, that's your fiancee's responsibility. He is going to be the husband of the family and it is primarily his responsibility to provide for his wife and child. If he doesn't, then it's him that's being selfish.

Also I think that too many people think they can't afford staying at home, when in reality they can. A lot of times people think that everything is a necessity, but it's not. For example, my husband works part time, goes to school full time, and I stay at home with our daughter. We've canceled our cable, cut our date budget down by a hundred dollars a month, and you know what we've seen? We're actually happier than before. We are more creative and spend more time with each other. We don't miss all those things that we thought were necessities. Somehow we manage to live on $1000/month and do it completely happily. Examine your life and talk to your fiancee. This is an important part of your relationship and is definitely something that he should support you in. The best thing to do is talk it out.

Jessie - posted on 04/15/2009

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Quoting Kate:

I just recently had this happen to me, actually. A family member said "So what do you do all day? She (meaning my daughter) can't take up *that* much time."

...so I sent him my schedule. :D

To quote myself:
"What do I do all day? Lemme see...

7am wake up to get Sam ready for school
8am Drive Sam to school
8-8:50 Stuck in traffic
8:55 drop Sam off at school
9am fill up on gas
9:15 grocery shopping
10:15 Stop at bank
11:15 Finally eat breakfast
12:15 leave to pick up Sam at school, get stuck in traffic again
12:45 pick up Sam
1pm drive home, get stuck in traffic again
2pm Arrive home, let dogs out, snack for Sam
2:30 Start cleaning
3:30 pause during cleaning to attempt to put Sam down for a nap
3:45 Realize Sam isn't going to nap, get up.
4pm Give up on chores, attempt to entertain child
5pm do dishes from last night
5:30 Get mail, walk around the block with Sam
6:15 start dinner
7:15 eat said dinner
8pm Sam in bathtub, brush teeth, read stories...
9pm Take a breath
9:15 do laundry
10:15 take a shower
10:45 relax a little (or attempt to)
11:30 Put Sam back to sleep
12am fall in bed and pass out.

THAT'S what I do all day."
To which he responded "Well, make me feel like a jerk why don't ya?"
Well, that's what you get for assuming us SAHMs don't do anything! ;)


AHAHAH that's great!  I should do that sometime.  I have a schedule of what I do with my kids typed up and posted on the fridge anyway to keep myself on track, but I should show it to someone who tries to say SAHM do nothing all day.

[deleted account]

Hi Natasha - I used to get this all the time.  My mother would harrass me with all the put downs she could come up with.  I understand your frustration, grief and sense of helplessness.  I understand the temptation to give in.  DON'T DO IT!  Your instinct that your daughter needs YOU, not a daycare provider, is a God-given instinct.  Our children grow up to be much healthier adults when they are raised by their parents.  Stay home with your daughter NO MATTER WHAT!



Not only do I stay home with all three of my daughters but I homeschool them as well AND run a home business.  I get flack about all of the above ALL THE TIME!  At the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow, I know I HAVE DONE THE BEST I COULD POSSIBLY DO FOR MY GIRLS.  To HECK with what others think and say.  Emily is YOUR DAUGHTER and YOU know what is best for her.



 



I hope my thoughts have helped encourage you today.  Do whatever it takes to stay home and raise your daughter yourself.



 



All the best,



Susan H.



http://susanhutchinson.com

Jenny - posted on 04/15/2009

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I think its great that you want to stay home for a time. So congratulations. Especially if the family income allows you to do that. Your fiancee should sit down and talk with you about it. If you are the woman he wants to marry, I think he should talk to you about it, and support the decision that you make, whatever it may be. If your family is giving you problems about it, you need to tell them it is your decision, and that you're a grown woman that can make grown up choices. Hopefully they will stop giving you grief. I'm very lucky that my husband makes enough that I can stay home. We don't live anywhere near our families to get help from them. Fortunately, even though they're far away they support our decision. Your family needs to do the same. Its all about communication.

Kate CP - posted on 04/14/2009

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I just recently had this happen to me, actually. A family member said "So what do you do all day? She (meaning my daughter) can't take up *that* much time."

...so I sent him my schedule. :D

To quote myself:
"What do I do all day? Lemme see...

7am wake up to get Sam ready for school
8am Drive Sam to school
8-8:50 Stuck in traffic
8:55 drop Sam off at school
9am fill up on gas
9:15 grocery shopping
10:15 Stop at bank
11:15 Finally eat breakfast
12:15 leave to pick up Sam at school, get stuck in traffic again
12:45 pick up Sam
1pm drive home, get stuck in traffic again
2pm Arrive home, let dogs out, snack for Sam
2:30 Start cleaning
3:30 pause during cleaning to attempt to put Sam down for a nap
3:45 Realize Sam isn't going to nap, get up.
4pm Give up on chores, attempt to entertain child
5pm do dishes from last night
5:30 Get mail, walk around the block with Sam
6:15 start dinner
7:15 eat said dinner
8pm Sam in bathtub, brush teeth, read stories...
9pm Take a breath
9:15 do laundry
10:15 take a shower
10:45 relax a little (or attempt to)
11:30 Put Sam back to sleep
12am fall in bed and pass out.

THAT'S what I do all day."
To which he responded "Well, make me feel like a jerk why don't ya?"
Well, that's what you get for assuming us SAHMs don't do anything! ;)

Heather - posted on 04/14/2009

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Dear Natasha,



First of all, congratulations on the arrival of your beautiful daughter!



I am sorry that you had a difficult pregnancy, and things didn't go as planned. 



I believe you are already doing the right thing by being there for your daughter, because no one else can fill your shoes.



You need to hold your head up high, stand up for yourself and your beliefs as a women, and as a mother.  I hope you find your inner strength, to continue loving, and caring for your daughter.



 



All the best

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2009

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I think it is rotten of your family to treat you like they are, you have the single most important JOB there is, being an attentive and loving mother.  Kuddos to you!!  I also choose to give up a very good job to raise our daughter.  I was fortunate to have the support of my husband, family and friends.  I sometimes wonder if I sould have stayed working, but I don't think that will ever go away.  Bills keep coming in and babies are expencive!!!  I remember my husband also struggling with the fact that I was home FT, he would come home after day of work and we would be playing and I got to tell him all the wonderful things she had done that day.  I think it was namely jealousy, he was missing out on the fun.  As all the other ladies suggested go though your finances, weigh all you options, and lay all your emotions on the table and see where it leads.  They are only a baby once and it goes quick.  In the end, as far as I am concerned, you are doing the best thing for your family.  You have our support!!

Kristin - posted on 04/14/2009

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Being a mom is a full time job by itself. It is a blessing that your daughter has you with her for her first year and you should feel thankful that you can be there.  Your family may not realize how important this is to you and how great it is for your daughter.  I wouldn't feel pressured by them and encourage your fiance to see the positives of you being home.  Remind them the expense of daycare and that you could be saving your family money. I am in the same boat as you staying home for the first year.  I am very happy to be able to be with my daughter for her first year and realize the importance of socializing her eventually. See if you can do something part time and maybe a compromise will make everyone happy.  Stop feeling guilty and realize you are giving your daughter a gift, and don't forget; being a mom IS A JOB!!!! 

Kristin - posted on 04/14/2009

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Being a mom is a full time job by itself. It is a blessing that your daughter has you with her for her first year and you should feel thankful that you can be there.  Your family may not realize how important this is to you and how great it is for your daughter.  I wouldn't feel pressured by them and encourage your fiance to see the positives of you being home.  Remind them the expense of daycare and that you could be saving your family money. I am in the same boat as you staying home for the first year.  I am very happy to be able to be with my daughter for her first year and realize the importance of socializing her eventually. See if you can do something part time and maybe a compromise will make everyone happy.  Stop feeling guilty and realize you are giving your daughter a gift, and don't forget; being a mom IS A JOB!!!! 

Paulette - posted on 04/14/2009

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I would do like the other mothers said and talk to your fiance'. I think the first year of her life is important like you do. What I suggest is doing some calculations before talking to your fiance' so that you're prepared for his questions and worries....take how much you earned prior to her birth, your fiances' income, subtract all the bills (utilities, rent/mortgage and groceries-avg. cost) and with the amount left over subtract how much daycare would cost (I would get 3 prices/3 different locations). That would help you figure out if it would be worth the effort right now of going back. Doing the calculations should show tht you have put some though into things and that you're considering your fiances' feelings. The family though should respect what choice you and him make. After all it is your own family unit and the are not paying the bills. It is ok if they have an opinion but not if they are infringing or interferring in the relationship. There should be some boundaries.  But in my opinion you cannot get that first percious year back. Their firsts'---smile, rolling over, sitting, tooth, crawling, walking, word(s). I think you're asking for the 1st year and not 5 is reasonable. It will give her a great foundation for life that is irraplaceable. Take care.

Jacqui - posted on 04/14/2009

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I have one baby, 9 months old, and my husband is actually totally supportive of my staying at home (although he would switch spots with me in a second). But I find that I'M the one feeling guilty sometimes. I just feel like my life is too GOOD! Sometimes it's hard, but it's way better than the drudgery of my old job. I have just had to come to the realization that everyone has their lot in life. And even if my life is sometimes easy-going, lots of people have jobs like that too. My husband has the right to a job that he loves, and I have the right to raise my own child! If money is an issue, there is always a way around that. I really think that there are un-seen and detrimental disadvantages to a child's development as a positively contributing member of society in sending them off to daycare as soon as the mother is recuperated from the birth.



Anyway, so for me, that's the trade-off: if I get to stay home, then my husband gets to pursue a career that is meaningful and from which he derrives pleasure. I think that it is an unfair world for those of us who honestly CHOOSE to stay at home, and that even though many people in the media claim to respect stay at home moms, that's not the impression that their actions are giving. Just because our culture says something is good, doesn't mean it is! My opinion is that both parents should work only in the most desperate of situations.



Figure out what your values are, and stick to them! And I agree that you should definitely discuss with your fiancé and come to an understanding with him.

Kelly - posted on 04/14/2009

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There can be an attitude out there that assumes that sahm are lazy, laying around watching tv and eating candy all day!! It's a hard one to overcome. I can laugh it off now, but it was hard at first. I think it's a good choice to want to stay home with your wee one. In Canada, we are actually given a one year mat leave. I can't imagine only having 6 weeks to bond but I know it's done as well.



If money is an issue....have you thought of a part-time job that is only a few hours a week? You certainly don't want to be out all the time but even a little bit helps out with the bills and can give you a break from the home. I had such a job fall into my lap and it's working out well for us. I go first thing in the mornings on the weekends, so I am home by the time breakfast is over. I don't get to sleep in, but who does?! lol I work for a cleaning company and have a few places to clean over the weekend. It gives us about $100 every 2 weeks which I know is not a whole lot but in this day and age, every little bit helps.



I also agree with sitting down with your fiance to talk things out. You both need to be on the same page with this. Having a baby is really tough on a relationship and letting unsaid things build will just make it harder!



Hang in there!!

Heather - posted on 04/14/2009

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well i know what u are going thru.. my daughter is 9 months old i sat down once she was like 4 weeks old and called around to the daycares figured in 2 cars with gas.. the ware in tare on 2 vehicles and i would have to make almost 14 an hr to break even.. not happening around here.. so ive decided to stay home for a little while till i find a daycare cheaper.. just show him how it will work if u go back to work.. good luck hun

Tina - posted on 04/14/2009

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I think you are doing a great thing!  Thank God when I had my son everyone was actually supportive of me staying home.  Doctors always say "Mommy is best for baby!!"  Don't let it get you down!!  Your daughter is the most important person and I am sure she is just totally in love with the fact that her mommy is with her every day...even though she can't talk, she can feel it. 



Daycare is expensive by me as well, and it's just not the same.  They definitely do not get the same attention and care as your daughter will get from you.  If you are getting stressed financially, you can look for a work from home based business.  That is what I do now. 



 I found an amazing company to work for.  I have my office online and work from home.  It's great and we have some extra money coming in.  Even if it just covers the grocery shopping it definitely helps and takes stress off of my husband as well.  A few hundred dollars a month can make a big difference!! If you are interested in working from home let me know and I would absolutely love to help you and and share with you what I do.  They even have a benefits package to work for that includes a Tuition plan!! 



 My best to you and your family.  And don't let anyone get you down!! Remember your daughter loves you for it!!

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I think you're doing the right thing.  After all, why have a baby if you're just going to hand her over to someone else to raise?  I get a lot of grief over it too, and I'm still working part time (quitting completely after my husband returns safe from his deployment).  My husband even gave me a bit of grief over it, even though we discussed it before we got married.  Just stick to your guns and you'll have a happy baby for it.

Jessie - posted on 04/14/2009

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I agree with the other ladies.  Do what makes sense to you.  Take how much you made at your old job, then minus what you'd pay in daycare, gas, food, and any other expenses you'd incurr while working.  How much money would you have left? 



 



Honestly I love my babies, but I would much rather be working because I crave adult interaction.  However, for me to work the daycare cost would completely surpass that .  When I had my first daughter, I went through the same thing you're going through now.  Only it was my in-laws who were making the comments along with my husband.  They basically said that I was being lazy and just didn't want to work, which wasn't the case at all.  When I had my daughter I was working part time (that was all that was available in my location), making only $6-7 an hour, and daycare cost almost $1000 a month!  That was more than a month's paycheck for me.  So it made more sense for me to just stay home with her. 



 



Plus I don't trust a lot of daycares or really anyone else to watch my children.  My daughter is extremely intelligent right now because of all that I've been able to teach her.  She has that one on one attention that she wouldn't get in daycare.  I also take her to playgroups, let her play with the neighborhood kids, etc.  So she gets the socialization.  Now I have a baby boy and so for me to go to work right now really wouldn't make any sense.  It would be like working a 20-40 hour work week for free and then some.



 



So do your research.  Find out how much daycare costs in your area, show your fiance the costs in comparison to the take home pay you guys make.  Show him how much money is left in your account after daycare and bills are paid for.  Then he'll realize that staying at home with your child really isn't that big of a deal.  Yes it makes it harder for him being the only money maker, but having one money maker and less cost is better than two money makers and a crap load of bills!  As for the family, tell them to back off and that it's your decision.  It's not their life, it's not their child, it's yours.  Heck if you want you can show them the cost comparison at the same time you show your husband.  If they still complain and put you down, then tell them that you'd be happy to go to work if they watch your child for free.  That should shut them up.

Emily - posted on 04/14/2009

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That really sucks that your family is being jerks to you over your decision to stay home. My best friend gives me a lot of crap about it too. We both have kids the same age, and she works full time. I honestly just thinks she jealous that she cant afford to stay home like I can. So I take her insults with a grain of salt.
I think you should sit down and talk to your fiance about you staying home. It could be even SAVING you money. For awhile I wanted to go back to work, just to get out of the house. But daycare where I live is about $200/week! Whereas at my job I was only making $240/week. So that extra $40 just wasnt worth it to me. Plus I probably would have spent it on gas and lunch while working anyways. It just makes more sense for me to stay home.
So tell your fiance why its important to you, figure out some sort of budget plan, and tell the rest of your family to keep their opinions/jealousy to themselves.

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I would tell you to tell your family to just shut up, but it is more complicated that your fiance is giving you trouble. Does he understand how much this means to you? Can he support the family by himself? These are all things to consider. Do you make enough to pay for childcare and still have plenty of money for other bills? You don't want to be working just to afford the childcare? Talk about these things with your fiance. It is important to be able to get this stuff worked out between the 2 of you if you are going to have a successful marriage and family. Forget what everyone else says. They are not part of your new family and their opinion doesn't matter.

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