tormented.

Allison - posted on 05/13/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

136

10

7

Ok. . .

I've been in this group a little while now. Since the birth of my daughter, last child. . . apple of my eye and what have you. I have a situation and i can't seem to get past and I would like to know if any of you might feel the same.

So i worked really hard this last time and mad e a beautiful baby girl, shortly after that my partner has a vasectomy, i'm finished having babies. . . really finished. Some months later (the beginning of January to be exact) a 'good' friend of mine mother of 2 comes to me and says guess whos pregnant. My heart jumped, it was her. She is due at the beginning of september. . . my heart dropped.

We are not teenagers, these are planned pregnancies. I love my friend, but the way i'm looking at her pregnancy is that she has ostensibly stolen my daughters first birthday. My friend thinks this is handy, having the birthdays near or on the same day, but i can't see it that way.

I'm feeling a little betrayed and shitty about the whole situation. I want to be happy for her, but i can't shake this screwed over feeling that keeps sneaking up on me.

can anyone see my point of view here or am i retarded?
please your comments are welcome. . . don't be too harsh, i'm not interested in being berated. . . just help me to see the light, or validate how i actually am feeling

thanks ladies

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sandy - posted on 05/13/2010

8

23

1

I can see why you feel the way you do. But there is nothing you can do about it now. Allow yourself time to say, "Dang it, I wish it wouldn't be this way" and then take a deep breath and try to be happy for your friend. She was probably not trying to invade on your daughter's birthday.
If you let this upset for long, it will take away the happiness of your baby girl and her special first birthday. There is truly nothing you can do to change the situation and you will be doing yourself and your daughter a favor by letting it go.
As a kid I thought it was really cool to share my birthday with a friend and a cousin. If you put a positive spin on it, your daughter may feel the same!
♥ to you!

10 Comments

View replies by

Kelina - posted on 05/18/2010

2,018

9

235

I can understand what you're feeling. Sometimes our emotions aren't at al rational. People will tell you to let it go but it;s easier said than done. It's ok to be upset, this is your daughters first birthday but the fact is that you can't do anything aout it. The thing is, unless you live together or are planning to be at her birth, this baby shouldn't overshadow your daughters first celebration. If her other children are coming to the party and she's had the baby by then, offer to bring them over yourself. And in years to come, maybe try planning one birthday one weekend and one the next weekend if the kids don't want them together. TRy not to stress too much. And while it's ok to be upset don't let it fester and ruin your friendship. Maybe try talking to your friend about how you're feeling. It might help. Good luck!

Elina - posted on 05/18/2010

76

24

11

tormented? really?
just be happy you don't have more serious issues to be 'tormented' about.

Chelle - posted on 05/17/2010

203

23

29

Personally i dont see an issue with this at all and certainly not a reason to feel betrayed. I kind of see you acting a little irrationally here. Even though it was a planned pregnancy, whose to say she calculated it just so it would be near your child's birthday? We planned our pregnancy too but we were not successful at each attempt. I honestly dont feel this is something to be upset about and perhaps you are taking something very personally when there is no need to?

Mallorie - posted on 05/14/2010

7

13

1

you might get lucky and your friend wont have her baby until after your little girl... also, sometimes it can be a godsend to not have to worry about planning an ENTIRE party since youll have someone else to share expenses... but i can see where your frustrations come from.. my three year olds birthday is july 2nd.. my 10 month olds is july 14th... to boot my cousins son has a bday on july st... not to mention my oldest daughter on january 21st, my mother on january 30th, my aunt february 3rd, aforementioned cousin on february 7th, my friends daughter and son on january 24th and 26th and her husband on january 27th! trust me i fell your pain! for your daughters first birthday i would suggest getting the invitations out a month early and if she has any objections let her know (respectfully) that you really want her first birthday to be all about her... and expect the same thing a year later when HER little ones birthday comes around... but after that consider joining the parties together simply to save the both of you headaches! good luck!

Kristina - posted on 05/13/2010

26

21

2

Within friend/family circles there are people with the same or birthdays near each other. Try to think about how having your child and your friends child only a year a part, the kids could become friends. I have a sister who just had a baby in Feb. I am due in June and a good friend of mine is due in September. I am excited that my little one will have children around his age to play with and grow up with. The friend who is due in September has a little girl who is 6months younger than my little guy. They have a blast together every time they see each other. So try not to focus on the negative feelings but on the wonderful "relationship" the kids could have. Also Your child will be no less special to you just because another child is being born near by. Good luck :)

Wendy - posted on 05/13/2010

28

29

1

I can see how you would feel that way. My cousin and I had our daughters two years apart and their birthdays are within 4 days of each other... every year we have to plan parties around each other because our family comes to both... well, most of the time, sometimes they don't and only go to one and then just give my daughter her gift at her cousin's party, which sucks...

AND, now to top it off... we just had a baby a month ago... she was born April 13th... my 11 year old's birthday is on April 15th... so now we have ANOTHER birthday all in the same time frame... it's going to make it difficult to plan parties, but we can't pick when our babies are gonna be born (new one wasn't due until may 6th, but had complications and they had to take her early) You're daughter won't notice what's going on... you'll be making a bigger deal out of it than she will.. keep positive about it and so will she! :-)

*Lisa* - posted on 05/13/2010

1,858

12

174

I agree with Sandy. What's done is done. When they are older (the kids) they will probably love having birthdays near each other. My friend had twins the day after her own 21st b'day so her b'days are always overshadowed by her kids. But it's really no big deal. My bro was born on Christmas Eve... talk about having the focus taken off you! Everyone is thinking about christmas instead hehe.

[deleted account]

I don't see how having a birthday close to someone else's is a big deal. There is not a month in the year when we don't have at least two birthdays in our family or circle of friends. My son is born on Halloween--try making that day all about your kid! I am born on July 3rd, the day before Independence day, and I have close friends born on July 2nd, 6th, 8th, 9th, 10th, and 26th! I love having all those birthdays right there, we have a big birthday bash and it's great!
Besides, being that you are close friends, you can make sure you don't plan the birthdays on the same day (unless you want to).
I say, just be happy for her, having another kid's birthday near your daughters is going to happen--if not with your friend, once she starts school, she's bound to meet someone with her birthday, or a day close to hers. Just be happy for your friend, I promise you, it won't even matter once her birthday rolls around.

Amy - posted on 05/13/2010

295

16

46

growing up i shared a birth month with 2 uncles, valentines day, a best friend and a cousin. the birthdays started at the 10th and ended the 19th of the same month. it did kind of suck in a way because if you both plan the party on the same day or weekend people may only attend one and just send a gift (if your even that luck) to you. we tried to have me and my cousins birthdays at the same time and that didnt work because he had more family comming from the other side and they got him a million presents and it made me and my parents feel bad because i only had the normal amount lol i would just tell your friend that you do not wish to share birthday parties with the children and if she doesnt understand or gets mad say to bad im her mother and its my decision and leave it at that. my daughter was born 1 year and 3 days after my neice but since we live in florida and they in misouri i am happy because now i get to have a big party for her and be at my neices at the same time. lol i would just tell her when its time for the birthday that you dont want to. i wouldnt do it before then because it may seem like your just trying to be negative and a witch about it and ur jealous or something.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms