Verbally abusive husband

Karategirl72 - posted on 03/08/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I need help. I have been married only six months dated and engaged only for a year knew him for 12 uears. Long story there. I feel like the day we got married he changed. In the past 6 months I tried to takey own life because of the things he says. Even in the crisis unit while speaking to him on the phone he told me that I should have died and done the world and my kids a favor. He tells me he hates me I should die I am a horrible mother by the way my two kids are not by him. They are 16 and 24. Then he blames what he is saying toe saying it's a reaction to what I doing. One second he texts me I hate you 2 seconds later I will always love you. I know this is crazy but how did I miss all of this before walking down the aisle. He knew the past 3 years I struggledy husband of 20 years died of a massive heart attack, in 2013 a month later I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and 3 months after thatyou son was incarcerated. I went through intensive outpatient therapy and even had 9 rounds of ect for serve depression and post traumatic stress syndrome. I got my life back together and started dating him during this time my father who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's tried to take his own life by cutting his wrists down with the steak knife and then trying to empower a steak knife through his heart but luckily it got caught in his breastplate please do not judge my father his suicide note said he did not want to be a burden to his family seriously he watched two of his closest friends passed away from Alzheimer's but by the grace of God he is still here. I need guidance yesyou friends tell me to get out and I hide so much from my family who think he's a saint. I recently started taping our conversation so, when he tells everyone it's me or we have those perfect relationship I can one day reveal the truth. Please help.

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Amy - posted on 03/16/2016

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Dear Jennifer,
You are definitely a survivor. You have endured so much; you are a very strong woman and I am sorry that you are enduring the verbal abuse on top of the other things going on in your life. Have you sought counseling to deal with the death of your former husband and your father? If not, that might be a good place to start and I would suggest a local church because the cost is usually minimal. The counseling may also be able to help you with your current marriage. If that is not an option you may consider asking a friend or family member to accompany you to a community center trained in dealing with issues of abuse.

Either way I think you are doing the right thing by talking about it and getting help. I am not sure if you are considering separation but if so you want to make sure your support system is in place prior to and also consider all of your options. I will be praying for you.

Cutemommy - posted on 03/15/2016

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you guys both sound like you have depression he might be bi polar or just manipulative and controlling all in all call your insurance and see what kind of counseling you can get before the situation gets worse even if you have to go alone you gotta take care of your mind just like you would you body if it was sick. Right now your mind has had some bad things happen to it and you really need to have someone that can help you I would really hate for the situation to get worse. That man is a jerk and you shouldn't accept those things he is saying. No one is perfect keep your head up make future plans get your mind off of his negative comments.

Karategirl72 - posted on 03/15/2016

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Thank you all. I know he's never going to change and he will just twist it around
I thought here was a rainbow at the end of the tunnel after I lost my first husband

Melissatrecker - posted on 03/15/2016

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I've been there. First.... He is wrong, NOT you. Do not start to believe anything he says about you or what kind of person you are. Know who you are all by yourself. I am going to tell you that it might only be abusive words now, but more than likely he will start to hit you. I don't know if he is speaking to the kids this way, but the result is usually the same. Your life is no longer Just yours. Think of the children.

Michelle - posted on 03/12/2016

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Why are you staying with someone who is abusing you?
Take it from someone who has been in your situation, GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
You don't have to stay with an abusive partner at all. Your kids deserve better. Is that how you want your kids to think how a normal relationship should be like?

Karategirl72 - posted on 03/11/2016

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We went to marriage therapist and she said she could not help us because he is verbally abusive and needs at least 3 months individual therapy I have been going to my own for 3awhile helps me alot but because he is verbally abusive and it could bring up a lot of emotions and he is not able to handle it. He said he went to his therapist and he said I was bipolar uh

Raye - posted on 03/11/2016

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Your 16 year old still needs a mother and a stable home life. She's not going to get it if this man is driving you to suicide. You need therapy. DIVORCE this asshole, and get your life back on track.

Chris - posted on 03/11/2016

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Hi Jennifer I am so sorry to hear what you are experiencing, Perhaps a relationship therapist can help you guys find common grounds? or if that is not okay you can contact a domestic violence hotline that can help you through the situation... please do not brush it under the mat, if you're located in tampa florida a great place to contact is the spring of tampa bay. I wish you well and please be careful.

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