VERY Negative feelings about being pregnant

Kkrjrpleggett - posted on 11/18/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I'm not sure what to do. I found out a week ago that I am pregnant with my second child. Completely unexpected. My son is 18 months old, I've been married for 4.5 years. I should be happy. I'm not.

I do NOT want to be pregnant, I do not want this baby. I do not think I have enough love and energy inside me for a second child.

I love my son to pieces and would do anything for him. I have even told him that mommy and daddy got it right the first time with him and we don't need to have anymore babies because he is so amazing.

I've had awful thoughts about this pregnancy. I've even gone so far as fantasizing about shooting myself in the stomach to end it. The only thing stopping me is the fear of losing my son and the possibility of taking his mommy away from him. Last night I had a dream that my husband and I divorced, he agreed to raise the baby and I would keep our son with no visitations.

These thoughts are not normal. I know that. I should be happy. I'm terrified to tell my husband how I'm feeling. I don't know what to do. I can't even tell my doctor because he is so happy for me (it took two years to conceive my son, and he knows the struggle we went through).

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty for not wanting this baby. How do I tell my husband? All he says about this baby is "we'll adjust." "It's too late to do anything about it now." "Everything will be fine." He won't tell me how he really feels, what he's thinking. He's just giving me the same BS platitudes that you'd give to anyone.

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Sara - posted on 11/18/2012

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Oh wow !!! Girlfriend you have a serious issue, you must be still suffering from some kind of post-partum depression, or post tramattic desorder, you have to speak to someone, if you dont want to tell you hubby then you should CERTAINLY TELL YOUR DOCTOR. you are not alone, many women go through that and find an appropriate solution. You need some sounseling too..Plesaeinclude your husband, you guys are partners, I hope you feel better. let me know if you nee to talk and don't hurt yourself. Your family needs you!

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Amanda - posted on 11/18/2012

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When I fell pregnant with my daughter, I was completely devastated like you.

I considered getting rid of her thought my life would fall apart with another baby and I wouldn't be able to cope as my son was a real handful.

The catch was that I was 18 weeks along when I found out and my son had only just turned a year old a few weeks before. He was premmie and they had no idea why so I was scared I would have another early baby. I finally came to terms with being pregnant and having another baby when I was 38 weeks. It took time but I got there.



Talk to your husband, your doctor and anyone that will be there to support you. It will work out in the end, my daughter is now 3 and she is my little angel, I can't imagine life without her.

Your husband is right, you will adjust, you may just need abit of extra help and support along the way.

User - posted on 11/18/2012

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It must feel awful to feel that way and not having any power over how you feel. I know it must be very difficult talking to someone about having these feelings but you need a counsellor/pshychologist, maybe even anti-depressants because it does sound like you are depressed.

Do not suffer alone! If those feelings continue you will feel more and more hopeless and even your little boy you love so much will suffer the effects of such misery. This baby you are expecting now did not ask to be there and that little life also deserves to be loved if you are bringing it into this world. Obviously if you are feeling that bad you don't believe in abortion otherwise I assume you would have chosen that option, but by opting to bring a baby into this world you have to be ready to love it unconditionally.

I felt a bit like that once (not to that extent, but definitely didn't want it, wrong partner!) and eventually had a miscarriage, which makes me feel quite guilty until now, specially seeing my little boy now and how gorgeous he is, and blaming myself, but I do remember the enourmous relief I felt when I lost it (it's not that I didn't want the baby, I did not want to be tied up to his father for the rest of my life). I'm just saying that so then you see that its OK not to want a pregnancy for whatever reason, BUT by keeping it you will have to have a change of heart, how you are going to achieve it is up to you, but you need to heal yourself for your own sake, and the sake of your family, or you will drag everyone down with you! If you need to chat feel free to send me a private message. Good luck hun and don't beat yourself up, but do look for help!

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2012

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You really need to seek some counseling. You sound like you have some depression and it will really help to talk your feelings through with someone.

You can talk to your doctor, that's what they are there for. He may even be able to refer you to a good counselor.

Paula - posted on 11/18/2012

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This situation sounds heartbreaking...go and get professioal help from a womens health center or women doctor! Talk about your feelings truthfully to them and try to sort it all out.takecare

Madison - posted on 11/18/2012

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Hello Karen. I agree with Sara you need to speak to someone and your doctor is a good start. They can tell u some options and give u some advice. Your son needs you more than anything so please try to stay ca and keep a level head (I know that may seem hard). As for ur husband if be truly supports and loves u he will be open minded about ur thoughts and fears. I know ur scared but u need to find solutions and keep ur options open. Best of luck to you

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