Waking up at night, how can I get my baby to go back to bed?

Sabrina - posted on 09/16/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

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My little girl is 9 months old and when it's time for bed she's great she will fall asleep in her crib. However, since her teeth have been bothering her, she wakes up in the middle of the night. At that point I would bring her in my bed...BUT lately I asked my doctor and she told me to let her cry, the problem is she cries for hours! And she gets really nervous that she vomits.I pick her up and she calms down and falls asleep in my arms,and then back in her crib....Is this normal? What can I do? I feel like I am making her more nervous and stressed out, I need help, please.

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Mandy - posted on 09/17/2009

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 Don't bring her into your room. I have a friend who's daughter cries so much that she makes herself vomit and it's because she knows that she will be picked up and brought into the bedroom. Don't get yourself in that circle. My friend is now trying to break her daughter of that. I know it is heartbreaking to hear your child crying, but sometimes you have to let them cry.



crying till she vomits? to me that is mean and the baby is giving up that mummy is coming back.



you do NOT HAVE to let them cry, it is a choice....and one that doesnt have to happen.

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have a 9 year old and one who will be 11 in a week. I have Btdt and I can tell you that my kids are, and have always been very well behaved. My oldest as a baby would play by herself for hours even as a baby, and never really cried. My second kid needed a lot more attention. I didn't let her cry at all because she would just work herself up more and more. The faster I got to her, the easier she was to calm down. At 9, she is a very independent kid. I was "warned" about manipulation and how my kid would "own" me but by the time she was 18 months she knew that mom would always take care of her so she had the confidence to leave my side and go play with others and take age appropriate risks.

I am not trying to get on your case at all. I don't blame anyone for doing what they know best. I just completely believe in my heart that our babies depend on us completely and it is such a short short time in the scheme of things. Your baby will sleep through the night one day. I am all about enjoying the time while you can because when it's gone, you will miss it. At least, I do.

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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You know, imagine that your only means of communication is to cry? Now imagine trying to communicate with someone you love such as your husband when you are in pain or just lonely and not only does he ignore you, but he ignores you for hours. How would that make you feel?

A baby is just building trust in relationships. Babies who are picked up and held when they need it become confident toddlers who are not afraid to explore their surroundings. Babies left to cry either become clingy (because if you put them down who knows when you will pick them up next) or detached.

There is a difference of course between slightly fussy for 5 minutes in order to settle to sleep, and a full on cry. A baby doesn't cry until they vomit to manipulate. They cry because they are genuinely upset. A child does not learn legitimate manipulative behavior until much later.

Doctors reccomending letting a baby cry have never taken a child psych and development class.

[deleted account]

Its normal yes, heartbreaking YES! Its okay to pick her up and comfort her when she wakes up especially when she's teething. I remember staying up for hours when my baby boy was teething just pacing with him. If you ever get the chance, I know it sounds weird but try and find the book "The Baby Whisperer" I read it a little late. I had trouble not being able to put my son down and my husband had to actually step in and do it for me, he would check on him and comfort him, but keep him in his bed where I would just get him and take him to bed with me. It mostly has to do with the teething, though, its not going to last forever, she's just really hurting and well she can't tell you! If you can calm her down and put her back in her bed that's great! It will get better, and if your not against giving her a little bit of baby tylenol do it, it will help her sleep. Or get teething tablets. I hope this helped a little! Don't worry! Stay calm, and do what you feel is right. You have the instincts, (I know, because I was told this by my mom!). She will grow out of it, and I think its great that she goes to bed on her own!

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[deleted account]

My daughter suffered a lot while teething. I picked her up and comforted her, and if I could lay her back in her crib, I would, otherwise, I'd sleep on the futon in her room the rest of the night--either holding her or patting her through the crib bars.

You aren't alone in not wanting to let her cry it out! Check out Dr. Sears website. And if you can find the book, No Cry Sleep Solution, you may find some help there for when you are ready for your daughter to sleep through the night (i.e. if she gets "dependent" on your comfort even after teething). Every baby weans themselves of their need for their parents. (My 1 year old barely wants to be held now, except at night!)

People swear by the cry it out theory, but I can testify to the fact that every baby eventually sleeps through the night! My daughter just recently started sleeping through the night with NO TEARS! Yeah, she's a year old, but it was worth it to not feel defeated as a parent listening to her crying all night.

Don't stress about what YOU choose to do. Make it work for yourself, your baby, your family. You are the parent, you are her mother, YOU know what she needs the best. If you can, nap during the day when she naps so you can stay rested as well.

You're a good mommy to be concerned about her! :)

Carrie - posted on 09/20/2009

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wow alot of debate over this topic! Well my piece of advice for you would be to go ahead and pick her up and hug and kiss and then place her back down in her crib yes she will start crying, but just sit on the floor beside her bed and put your hand through the crib side and just gently "pet" for lack of better words her so that she feels your skin against hers and keep saying in a quiet and calm voice "Shhh baby girl its going tobe ok Mama is right here" and yes this will take a while but I promise it will work. and another thing when she starts crying or screaming DO NOT turn the lights on and make it all bright in her room keep it nice and dim. hope it helps. just remember TEETHING WILL EVENTUALLY GO AWAY:( just be patient and try to not loose your mind.

Genea - posted on 09/20/2009

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calm down teething normal wanting a hug normal.give her tylenol or oragel before bed.I know what all the drs say dont put them in bed with you but there not the ones up every night.I have done this along time it doesnt hurt to sleep with them.I would rather have my babys beside me than in the other room screaming.really what does love and bonding hurt?

Debora - posted on 09/20/2009

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try be calmed you can find it at kmart,walmart it should help since it says it worksfor airsickness.or you can use a little sleepytime tea in her bottle it has mint to settle tummy.its a natural sleep aide found in most foodstores in with all celestial teas.rubbing origel onto her mouth won`t hurt .sounds like shes teething.i say what dr tells a parent to let a child whose nerves just cry themself to sleep,i say new dr.

Amanda - posted on 09/20/2009

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I would give her some more motrin or tylenol, and bring her into the bed with you. Let the DR do what she wants with her own kids. If you KNOW it's teeth related and not just her wanting to be in your bed then comfort her.

[deleted account]

Leave her. Simple. She will fall back to sleep. They learn quickly that if they start crying Mom will come running. Do not make the mistake of rocking your child to sleep or getting her up when she cries. Unless there is something wrong (sick, messy diaper, etc)....LEAVE HER. She is far better off to learn good sleep habits by you allowing her to realize that screaming and crying aren't going to get her what she wants.

Sabrina - posted on 09/19/2009

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Please no worries, thank you for your tips, everyone has there way, there is no wrong or right way, it's whatever works best for you. I just needed alittle guidance from mom's like you, so thank you!

Jessica - posted on 09/19/2009

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hiya i didnt mean to make it into a debate but for those who do want to debate about it i have posted a thread on the main board.

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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This mother is asking for help and your opinions...not a debate as to who's style is correct or better. Everyone has there own ways that they care for and raise their children and no one should be made to feel that they are a bad parent for what they choose to do (as long as there is no harm involved)! What works for one mother may not work for another.

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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You need to do whatever works for you...whether that be allow her to cry herself back to sleep or cuddle her to fall back to sleep. I chose with all of my children to allow them to cry for about 5 minutes, mostly because sometimes they would go right back to sleep. If they continued to cry I would pick them, not talking to them, and bounce or sway them until they fell back to sleep. Once asleep I'd put them back in their crib. Sometimes you have to do this for several nights or weeks until they realize they are supposed to go back to sleep when they wake up in the dark. All of my children did and still do have soft toys/blankets that they cuddle with at night for comfort so that may be something you can try also. Good luck and don't let anyone make you feel like a bad mother for what you choose to do!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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A 6 week old baby is not capable of manipulating you. I just want to be upfront with that.

OP, I would tell anyone who is struggling with sleep issues with their babies to find a copy of The No Cry Sleep Solution. It avoids the heart breaking cry it out method and helps get past the misery of getting up multiple times a night. It really is a good book.

Jessica - posted on 09/18/2009

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ok jennifer, i dont like the sound of my baby crying but i personally dont want my child as a toddler thinkin he can run rings around me and act like his the adult and im the child. it is only ten mins and i think it does the baby good.my baby certainly settles much better if i leave him for ten mins rather then pickin him up and puttin him down in that time. he crys more if i do that.

all im sayin is it isnt harsh parenting its good parenting cos ill be the one with a well behaved child in two years.

jennifer u are right what u r saying is all i do its not for hours xx

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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1. I was speaking more of those who think it's appropriate to let a baby cry for hours.

2. I don't think it's ok to let a baby cry for 10 minutes if you have not checked to make sure they are comfortable. If you have checked everything and the baby is just fussy and you know they will settle down, that is different.

3. If you are frustrated, stressed, angry YES put the baby down and let them cry until you can regroup. While I don't like letting babies cry, I absolutely have put my kids down and walked away to calm down. A crying baby is much much much safer than a shaken baby.

Jessica - posted on 09/18/2009

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that is rubbish, i have spoken to other mums i know about this and they have all said the same that ten mins letting a baby cry is not determental to their health. which is all im doing, when there is nothing that i can do to console my child..r u sayin u have never left ur baby to cry even for 5 mins??



and im not ignoring my baby for hrs its ten mins for gods sake!!! my bfs mum has had 8 kids and even she said to let my son cry for ten mins if im feelin stressed....

Jessica - posted on 09/18/2009

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I am sensitive to my babys needs just in a different way to u, not every mother does things the same way. i agree with u about co-sleeping cos i do it too. babies r not as dumb as ppl think, they r very clever little things and same as lettin ur baby to cry says mummy isnt coming back, picking them up constantly says to them i can cry whenever i like and id be picked up whenever i want. all im saying is after everything you can possibly do to make your baby happy and they still aint settling for the night is to let the baby cry for just ten mins so he knows your the parent and wont walk all over u later on in life. im not saying to leave him all nite just ten mins. it isnt going to hurt the baby. i dont really call that leaving them to fend for themselves if its only ten mins. what im doing isnt harsh parenting at all, i see to all my babys needs 247. i think you have took what i have said the wrong way, i dont le him cry for long. doctors aint always right cos they all say different things and ur right about the feeding cos my baby was big and was constantly hungry so i feed him on demand and 4 ounces isnt enough for him.

Mandy - posted on 09/17/2009

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i dont mean to keep arguing about this, but what ever happened to being sensative to your babies needs? it takes me 5mins to put my son to sleep in my arms, afterwhich he is put in his bed that is joined onto my bed so i can easily get to him during the night. yes, i know co-sleeping isnt for everyone, and no, it DOESNT casue sleep problems that are hard to break.

My baby is dependant on me....but i am his mummy. he has to be dependant on me as he cant tell people what is the matter with him. only a mother knows.

As for doctors saying to let the baby cry for 10mins, they are doctors that i would stop going to and only because a doctor said it, doesnt make it the right thing to do. i was told my son was putting on too much weight as a 2week old and not to feed him too much. do you think i listened? no. and now he is a happy and healthy 8mo.

letting your baby cry to sleep says to the baby that mummy isnt going to come back, no matter how much i cry.

if one thing doesnt work, yes you do needd to try something else. but you really dont have to let them cry. it is not the only way they learn and that is really harsh parenting. babies need our attention. they cant be left to fend for themselves from such a young age. can your baby tell you if he has a pain in his tummy or does he just have to cope with the pain alone? does he have the ability to tell you if he is still a bit hungry or thirsty? can he tell you if his gums are REALLY sore? I dont think so, unless you have a genius 9mo who can talk .



Sabrina, i hope she gets better, but if it was me, i would ignor the doctor's advice on sleep and continue to put your baby to sleep in your arms until she gets through teething, then you can gradually get her sleeping by herself again. crying till she vomits is NOT a good way to encourage healthy and happy sleep patterns.

all the best.

Jessica - posted on 09/17/2009

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everyone is different thou, if nothing works u really do have to let a child cry its the only way they learn and it isnt mean to let them cry cos its an attention thing if everything else has been covered ie.feedin, changing, burped, cuddled, put to bed, bathed then wht more can u do??? every doc would say a 10 min cry down is good for the baby and gets them into a solid routine...if u continue to pick them up 247 they will become too dependant on u and thats not such a good thing!!!

[deleted account]

Since she is teething try giving her a cold wet rag to chew on. I know it sounds weird, but my son would not have anything to do with the teething toys but loved the cold wet rag. My friend was actually the one that told me about that(she has 3 kids). Another thing you can try is putting some sort of teething gel on her gums, but when you do it I know this will sound mean push a little hard on her gums to help her teeth cut a little faster. I did that with my son and he didn't like me doing it, but would normally stop crying afterward. After doing all of that put her back in bed. Don't bring her into your room. I have a friend who's daughter cries so much that she makes herself vomit and it's because she knows that she will be picked up and brought into the bedroom. Don't get yourself in that circle. My friend is now trying to break her daughter of that. I know it is heartbreaking to hear your child crying, but sometimes you have to let them cry.

Mandy - posted on 09/17/2009

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would you like to be left alone while in pain? i dont think so.

i wouldnt be taking that doctors advice on sleep. my son is in my bed, and, especialy when he is teething, it helps us both get some sleep.

it isnt going to last. you wont have a hard time getting her out of sleeping with you. 4 hours letting your baby cry is horrible. i would much rather fall asleep in someones arms.

there has been studies dont that say that letting your baby cry increases the stress hormone in the brain and reduces the growth hormone.....email me if you want more info on it

it also says to the baby that mummy isnt coming back so there is no point crying. to me, that is really sad.



my email is mandy_123_14@hotmail.com

Cristina - posted on 09/16/2009

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A baby can cry for up to 4 hrs. and be ok, the teething thing is painful and will make them fuzzy, imagine something really hard forcing it's way out those tiny new gums, Ouch, what i did was give my baby some chamomile tea and before be rub some Humphey's teething pellets on her gums (first dissolve in water) that usually works, don't take her to be though, she'll get used to it and you will be having a hard time getting her out.

Lynette - posted on 09/16/2009

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try a teething gel and a toy or something that she likes that will calm her down it worked for both my boys good luck

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