Want to invite my Mother In Law to live with us

Stefie - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My mother in law suffers from several health issues. She is only 60 and still has one son in college. She is living alone, lost her job, and seems to have recurring issues. I really feel that living in a stable environment would be good for her. We have a three bedroom ranch with one toddler and our second baby due in a few weeks. We were planning to keep a empty bedroom anyways.
I don't know if I am crazy, or if it will be nice for everyone. Also, how do I offer with out offending her?

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Sheila - posted on 11/23/2012

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I would not recommend it. My husband (Fiancé at the time) and I moved in with my MIL 4 1/2 yrs ago, after my FIL passed away. My husband figured we could live in the basement and MIL upstairs. I have a son from a previous relationship who just turned 16. I was adamant about moving in with my MIL when my husband thought it to be a good idea. I'm a private person and like having my own space. I have lived on my own since I was 19 yrs old. Therefore, living with others would be uncomfortable for me since I'm used to having my own things/space. I temporarily moved in with my mom one time and it didn't go too well. Although I wasn't to fond of the idea, I figured why not? We can pay off some of our debt, save money to purchase a home and at the same time, keep MIL company. Everything was fine in the beginning and today I'm not happy. We have since sold my MIL's home, bought our new home and brought MIL along with us until Husband can convert our garage into a 1 bedroom Apt. For her. I'm so miserable that I can't stand being around my MIL. I feel bad because I love her dearly and she is good to me but she needs to go. Two women can not live under the same roof with one man. There will just be conflict and many times comparing of how you each do things etc. it's gotten so bad that it's affecting my marriage. Due to me being unhappy and bottling it all up, it has made me change with my husband and pull away from him in every aspect. I guess it's because I have some kind of resentment towards him, not sure. My unhappiness has clearly affected him because he has noticed the change in me. I finally broke down one day and told him how I felt. I told him how miserable I was and how much my MIL annoys me. I made sure to tell him that of course I love and appreciate her because she's nothing but great to me. I told him I couldn't deal with her living with us any longer because its affecting my relationship with her. The things I enjoyed doing with her before, now annoy me and I don't want to do them anymore. I used to enjoy her company before to where we were inseparable. It's now affecting my marriage where my husband is unhappy with me due to me isolating him and he feels that if we're unhappy with each other, then we should go our separate ways. Everything was going great for us prior to moving in with my MIL. Since then, it's changed my life for the worst. Also, my MIL has not paid a bill ever since we moved in with her. we took care of all of the bills etc.. and still do. she contributes nothing. My husband is an only child and very much like a mommas boy. I think he feels obligated to take care of his mother. I'm all for helping our parents in every way however, when you're married and have your own family, they come first and foremost. I don't know what to do. I've thought about going to marriage counseling but don't know if that'll work since I already know the solution to the problem.

Shayna - posted on 04/06/2010

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Yes, I would also wait until the new baby is settled in! This is a huge decision, if you ask her and she accepts, then this is going to be something your stuck with for probably the rest of her days.

I have lived with best of friends, and we now despise each other. My husband's brother has also lived with us before, that was horrible! We have NO privacy, I just hated it! It did put a strain on his brother and my relationship, but we do get along. Don't get me wrong alot of people do have their elderly parents move in and it works out great, you just have to really think about the long run in life. It's would be kinda sad to give her the boot in 5-10 years time when she really depends on you.

Christine - posted on 04/06/2010

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IMO I would wait til the baby is here and things settle down, then make the decision. Ask your husband how to go about asking her.

Destinee - posted on 04/06/2010

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i live in a duplex and my mother wanted to move closer so she moved into the other side big mistake always over no space or privacy but it really depends on how you get along with her and if you trust her if you get along there should be no issues and she should appriciate the offer

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