Wanting another baby

Sandy - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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What happens when i want another baby and my husband doesn't.How to i deal with the anger? He was married to another woman and gave her two boys,but after we got married and i got pregnant he didn't even seem to care that much.My son is now 12,but when he was almost two i had made a decision i wanted another baby,but my husband said no!,and that he had had enough.Well what about what i want? And i have just recently mentioned it again and same answer except he also added we couldn't afford it and he was to old.Even to this day he still treats his another kids better than mine.They have nothing to do with him.Yet he wants something to do with them.My son however wants to do things with his dad,but he is always to tired or complaining he hurts to bad to play with my son.My sister is pregnant with her 3rd and i cant even be happy for her.I just feel anger.What can i do?

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Alina - posted on 04/13/2010

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Oh hon, I'm so sorry you're going through what you're going through. My husband has other children from a previous relationship too, and we have two together. I chose to marry my husband knowing he had other children. It is expensive with child support and then raising children, too. I used to feel my husband favored his other children more than ours, but found my feelings to be false. The truth is my husband is here with me, raising our two, and they get the full benefit of him. Maybe your husband spends time doing certain things with his other children because he isn't living with them. I'm sure he doesn't mean to neglect your son. He probably loves him very much and just doesn't know how to divide his time between all of his children. Because I'm a Christian I can say it's easy to say pray and read your Bible. But the truth is, even that will be difficult at first because you have feelings to deal with. But remember that God has the final say in every situation, including your desire to have another child. God can change your husband's mind like he did my husband's. He said we were only going to have one, and I said okay. I left it all in God's hands and never mentioned wanting to have another baby to anyone but God. When I got pregnant with our second child, it was a complete and wonderful surprise. And my husband was so excited!!! So, even though he said no, God said yes!! God's timing is perfect, and if it's in His will, it will happen. But try to be content where you are until . . . hope you don't think I was trying to preach, just wanted to encourage you a bit.

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Tara - posted on 04/14/2010

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This is a terrible situation! I'm so sorry you're going through this! My husband has 2 daughters from a previous relationship, and since I had my son I noticed that he wasn't phased by the fact he had a son. It bothered me for so long! He would give so much attention to his girls and not to my son, I couldn't figure it out. Then I had my daughter and he was always holding her and playing with her and stuff, and that bothered me even more! He always talked about having a son and how happy he would be and everything, but he was always playing with the girls and not him. I've noticed as my son got older he started to play with him more, but it's still not right. He is too hard on him sometimes and expects too much out of a 19 month old. I try to explain to him, but he doesn't listen like most males. Then I started with his mom and dad, and started to see that with the males in his family, they treat differently. I think it's something to do with them being a man, or whatever. But I hate it! So I baby my son as they call it, but I feel as though if everyone is going to be too rough on him, he needs someone to be there for him, and that person is going to be me. He seems to favor his girls over his son, and I always figured it would be the other way around! I can't explain why your husband is doing this. He needs to realize that a relationship requires sacrafice. If you want another child, he should give you another child. He has no right to make you unhappy the rest of your life because he is selfish. And what does his age have to do with anything, especially if he doesn't interact with your son like he should. And there's always a way to make it, even when money is tight! We had planned to have our son, but our daughter was a little surprise, that we really weren't prepared for, especially financially, but we made it work. I wish there was a way we could make men understand us and the things we want. I wish you the best of luck! Have you ever thought of inverto? Just an idea! Or you could tell him no sex, if you can't have what you want then neither can he. If you have to make the sacrafice of giving up future children, then he can give up having sex. Good luck! I wish you the best!

Sandy - posted on 04/14/2010

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You are very helpful. And i know it's Gods will.I guess i was just hoping it was.I think i would feel better if my husband just showed the same respect he does for his other two.And my deepest problem i have i think is my son never got to have a brother or a sister to play with.He has grown up by his self with nobody to play with.His half brothers never want anything to do with him.So it has been up to me all these years to be the mom,brother,sister and most of the time a dad also.And i feel that's what has made me have so much regret or whatever i am feeling.

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