wanting to leave my boyfriend PLEASE HELP

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

18

9

2

hey i was wondering what will happen when i leave my common law husband, he treats me like cr*ap, shows me no respect, and is constantly putting me down. i have a 6 month old daughter with him, and he always tells me that if i leave i'm not taking her with me, i plan on leaving when hes gone to work but him saying that is the only reason why i'm staying with him. he says that he will take her away from me and will do anything to do so. and if i leave with her there will b hell to pay and that i will have to go to court and everything else, he thinks he can win just b.c. b.4 we started dating i used to be a stripper. i didn't do it while i was pregnant, and i certainly dont' do it now. i am scared of what will happen when i leave and dont know what to do. his family is crazy and will do anything to get my daughter. please help

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Julie - posted on 01/03/2010

34

11

6

I agree with everything both women are saying. He is threatening you because he has the power to intimidate you. The law protects women from having their children taken away unless there is proof of endangerment. You are trying to make a better life for you and your beautiful child. The system should be on your side. Find a shelter ( most are open from early mornings to early evenings and have alot of other resources you can tap into from housing to helping with food and bills) Get a restraining order, and DOCUMENT everything that is said between you, everything that is done to you or your baby. The more you have, the harder it will be for him to stand up against you. Remember, you are a Mother, and that in and of itself is POWER. Good luck, and if you need help with resources, let me know, please. I've worked in shelters before. maybe i can help.

Jocelyn - posted on 01/08/2010

8

1

0

Oh Lord DO NOT listen to Mitch. DO NOT leave your child with this loser. You must be so scared and I know exactely where your coming from. I would definately take the child and leave while he's at work. Just take the necessities. If you have a really good family member that you can stay with go to their place. Just be the absolute best mom you can be and be totally calm through this whole thing because that will look good in comparison to this freak you've been with. And like other's have said, document things that he says to you word for word with dates and everything. You will be okay, single mom's do these things every day so you are not alone!

Mitch - posted on 01/06/2010

2

21

0

first ask yourself if you really don't love him and if not then plan to move on.there's no reason to be w/ him if there is no respect and love.try to go with out daughter.find a job that can support you then when you have money or savings get your daughter find a lawyer that could help you.before you lost your mind staying with him.remember no matter what they say your still the mother of your daughter .keep on praying ask God help and guidance nothing is impossible to Him.believe Him,He's always at your side..keep it up.don't loose hope and fight for your right....God bless....

Christy - posted on 01/03/2010

272

11

15

well if your BF had any brains in his head he would realize that the courts will not take a child away from their mother unless they were doing something to endanger the child. your past as a stripper will not be held against you and as far as having to go to court, i'm sure you could get a lawyer to help you pro bono (meaning give you info to help your cause for free). i agree with Liz, don't mention another word about leaving, just do it when he's gone and go to a safe house for women. get a restraining order against him if you have to. you can do this and he will not just be able to rip your daughter away from you no matter what he's trying to make you think. any man who would threaten that is no man at all and is not thinking at all about his child. good luck to you!

Tiffany - posted on 01/08/2010

3

3

0

I know about these type of guys......They are using ur baby as a pawn. I wouldn't believe him when he says stuff like that, my 7 yr old daughters dad said the same thing to me....and he's wants nothing to do with her now and it's been 5 yrs. He's just insecure.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

16 Comments

View replies by

Amy - posted on 01/08/2010

21

16

2

okay for one, your man is stupid,(sorry just had to say lol) and for 2 just cause you used to be a stripper dont me you do it now. like you said, also the court or goverment will not take a child from thier mother unless you were harming your child, and if he says he will take you to court then GOOD go to court and get full custitiy of your child, and make his ass pay for child suport, im only going to be 18 soon but i totaly understand what your trying to say, also the court will go over our bf record and his familys record and sure enough they will find bad stuff and say your child is not suitable to be living with him, i wish i could offer more, message me on my fb inbox if you wish to know more.

[deleted account]

Don't let him scare you into staying... he's obviously a complete arsehole. He's telling you that stuff to scare you into staying. But I agree with one of the other ladies who suggested you do leave when he's out at work - without telling him anything about it. I know it's scary, but it sounds like it will be for the best. The Courts will not take your baby away from you because of your past job as a stripper... he's just trying to manipulate and scare you. Good luck! :-)

Lexann - posted on 01/07/2010

47

16

0

Don't listen to Mitch! Don't go without your daughter! Once your boyfriend has her in his sole possession, he can accuse you of abandonment! Go to a woman's shelter. They have resources and can provide a temporary safe place until you can get a job and get on your feet. Do listen to the other bloggers: document everything, make a plan (in your mind), don't let him know you are leaving, and try not to react to his threats. Then one day when he is gone, pack up & leave! The law is on your side. Good luck, and God be with you and your daughter!

Elizabeth - posted on 01/06/2010

2

9

0

hun, first take a deep breath! In the United States most judges side with the mother when it comes to custody issues. Don't let him scare you into staying with him because he says that he will take her from you. There would have to be something completely wrong with you for a judge to take your daughter from you. Examples of that would be abuse, drug use, no place to live or no money. You need to find a good place to stay that his family won't find you at also. If you are truly scared of his family, it might be a good idea to look into a restraining order against them after you do leave him. I agree with you when you say that when you do leave it will be while he is at work. That's a great idea! Just make sure that you take everything that you may want from the house as far as clothing and items for both you and your daughter that you may want, because he may lash out at your items as a retaliation. I wish you all the best luck hun!!

[deleted account]

dont let him scare you like that.. you can leave and should asap.. have a plan on leaving when hes not there.. there is so much help out there for moms in ur situation.. leave for your daughters sake she need not be around a man like that and i use the term man very lightly

Dawn - posted on 01/03/2010

489

8

41

Also, you should document when you can what he as said and done and the dates and times. That will help you with the courts to show that he might not be a fit parent and might not have any kind of custody rights too. You can also go and talk to DSHS and get advice from them. They might be able to set you up with housing and food to help you get out of this jerk. Good luck and I hope you have the strength to get free of him.

Crystal - posted on 01/03/2010

2

13

0

I left my husband and had a child with him. The court doesn't take kids away from mothers unless they are unfit. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It is not healthy to stay in a relationship just because of kids. You might have to have shared custody but it is better than what you are in, and most of the time the fathers can't handle having 50 custody. Just speaking from experiance and what I have seen from other people. Good luck!

Etsuko - posted on 01/03/2010

1

23

0

My mother in law was a stripper while she raised my husband and they couldn't take him away from her. As long as you're not bringing the baby to the club you're in the clear.
Don't let him bully you into believing that he can take your child from you. But you have to be careful because you can't keep your daughter from him unless you have proof of his abuse. And make sure it's all true because if you're caught lying about abuse then that can give him grounds to have full custody.
Finding a shelter for abused women and children should have resources to help you file a restraining order or a claim against your husband.

[deleted account]

The can't take your baby just because you used to be a stripper. THAT is illegal. He would have to prove that you are neglectful or abusive which obviously you are not. Document every time he abuses you (verbal abuse counts). Document everything that would be proof that he is the inept parent.

Karen - posted on 01/03/2010

4

7

0

hey, i know where your coming from. think it's just a man thing. i've had all the threats off my now husband. at the end of the day he only says it to you as his daughter is the only thing he's got over you, or sholud i say he knows that using your daughter as a weapon against you it will get you to bite,give him a reaction. if you truelly want to leave him you should do so but that has to be a 100% final decision. and don't make him see that what he says bother you. hope all goes well in whatever you decide. kaz

Liz - posted on 01/03/2010

11

6

1

Ok here comes some good adivce 4 u dont metion any thing else 2 your parter about ;leaving then plan out every last detale till ure ready then go to stoke housing place and thel help you find somewere to go. And when ure out you can get a soliciter to fight your case.good luck and god bless

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms