what are you thoughts about carrying a baby for someone else??

Rebecca - posted on 02/13/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Im 25 and Ive had my 3 babies!!!

Im very good at the whole labour thing, lucky me!!

I would LOVE to give the gift of motherhood to a friend of mine, who is totally unable to get prego.

I have been thinkin about tell her that I would do this for her, for like 2 years now.

Im kind of worried about her reaction, i dont really know why. She is the nicest peoron that I have ever met. I dont want her to think Im doing it for money, cause im not.

How should I tell her, or how would you want someone to tell you?

19 Comments

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Rebecca - posted on 02/21/2009

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I have been talkin to my freinds and family, and to my surprisemy friends have had mixed views. But my family and husbands family thinks it a great idea. But one of my friends thinks its a bad idea because she thinks that my friend will try to control my life well prego, and she is worried that lawers will stress me out and in the end we just wont be friends and she will have this baby that i made. (my 2 friends have never met)  



 



and the way i see this is that its 9 months of my life but the rest of theirs( friend and husband)  Im a very strong person, knowing from the start that its not my baby will be fine with me. 



 

Becky - posted on 02/21/2009

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Giving someone the gift of a child is almost like giving them the gift of life. I think it is one of the most honorable things you could do for someone. I think that you and your friend and your spouses should sit down and discuss it. Also, if they are infertile, you might be able to look into one of your insurance companies. Some of them will cover surrogacy. Bless you for being so thoughtless and wonderful!

Hillarie - posted on 02/21/2009

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I think I would only for close family members. My pregnancies werent bad but I have c/sections so Id have to consider the time off Id need to recover and be away from my kids and all that.



I like what the other ladies have suggested. Talk to her about surrogacy, get her thoughts and feelings and go from there. Never hurts to ask especially since you already know its alright with your husband.

Chloe - posted on 02/21/2009

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I would personly be worried that i would become attached to the child during pregnancy.

Im not sure i could go through the whole 9 months then just hand over the baby.

I would feel like something is missing.

I understand you want to do this for your friend,

but we all become so very attached to our children before they are born, we sing to them talk to them, feel them move. We fall in love with them.

[deleted account]

I think i'd let her approach you, or if the conversation went that direction offer your body. I think its a wonderful gift to give but under the right circumstances. I think to do it for money is an awful thing, but to do it for a loved one such as a close friend or a sibling is appropriate and a wonderful thing that will only draw you closer to one another. i feel that the child you'd have as a surrogate is part of your family too so it should be something to be taken seriously and is why i'd only do it for a loved one.

[deleted account]

What an incredible person you are. That's really amazing and your friend is lucky to have you. She'll appreciate your amazing gesture regardless of her views or her decision on accepting or not.

Elaine - posted on 02/20/2009

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thats a hard 1 maybe u could offer her your eggs i think it would be harder on you seeing the child everyday growing up knowing thats ur child and u can do nothing i think it would be easier to do it for a stranger

Vicki - posted on 02/20/2009

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Very brave girl u are.I coulnd do that for anyone especially a close friend.U seeing the baby all the time and thinking i gave birth to u.Just couldnt do it.But hey its up 2 u.Good luck anyway.

Kate CP - posted on 02/14/2009

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No, I understand. I think I would feel different if I knew it was my egg, but not my husband's baby. I think my husband would have a kitten, too! It's really good you're thinking about all of this before you jump it. Honestly, it takes a great amount of love to offer what you're willing to give.

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2009

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Ya no i know, But it wouldnt be half my baby, like my kids are. You know what I mean LOL

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2009

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I never thought i if that way. I think I will go that way with this.



 



Thank you everyone!!!!

Crystal - posted on 02/14/2009

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I would first ask and see if she's even been considering surrogacy, ask her her views on that, and then if she's thinking about it, I'd ask her how she would feel about someone she knows carrying the baby for her. If she's cool with that, then I'd offer.

Kate CP - posted on 02/14/2009

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Well, the baby WILL be part of you. It will have your blood, tissue, etc. Just something to think about.

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2009

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Ya, she has been travelling to see doctors, but her and her husband just havent been able to get prego yet. My husband and I have talked about it a lot, and the only thing he doesnt want is the baby to be part me (my egg) which I totally agree.

Kate CP - posted on 02/14/2009

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Ooh, this is a touchy subject! Would I do it? I don't know...but then again I had a really hard pregnancy with lots of complications. Labor and delivery was the easy part for me!

Has she been talking about having children a lot? Like looking into adoption or other surrogates? Has she been through fertility treatments? I would sit down and talk to her about whether or not she really wants a baby and WHEN she wants a baby. It's an awesome thing you're thinking about doing for her! Even if she doesn't want a baby now she will know that you are thinking about her and are willing to help her out in the most intimate way. Kudos to you!

Kate

[deleted account]

Speaking as an older mom who thought for a long time I couldn't get pregnant, what a generous gift you are offering her!  From her point of view, she may have several different reactions.  She may jump at the opportunity.  Or she may need time to adjust to the idea of someone else carrying HER baby.  Either way, I say just to sit with her, tell her how you feel about her.  Impress upon her that you are not seeking money, just the opportunity to help someone you care a great deal about.  I do agree that you should definitely speak with your husband / boyfriend first.  His emotions will come to play in this too...on a daily basis, so his opinion is important as well.  I think when I was in that situation, if a good friend of mine had offered, well honestly I don't know what I would have done...probably would have said yes as long as it's my egg and my hubby's sperm. 

Maggie - posted on 02/14/2009

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I would just say "Hey, I know you've been wanting to get pregnant, and I would like to offer to help. I would like to suggest that I carry the baby for you." Explain to her that you see her as this close friend and would want to help and for no other reason then that. Also tell her to discuss it with her significant other as well. Have you talked to you significant other about this?

MaryEllen - posted on 02/14/2009

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First you should make sure she wants a baby and if she does have a quiet talk with her and let her know you are willing to help her out. I think this is a very generous things to do it takes a special person to do this for a friend and even if your friend doesn't want to do it she will grateful for the offer.

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