What can me & partner do to save our relationship??children causing stress on my relationship causing my partner to withdraw & leave me feeling alone & neglected...

Neacole - posted on 01/27/2013 ( 12 moms have responded )

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What can my parter & I do to save our relationship b4 it ends after being together for 12yrs. But we are extremely stress for a lot of different reason. & it's causing us to be unhappy & taking things out on each other. I know how to balance the family but he doesn't. Any suggestions??? Thanks much!

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Michelle - posted on 01/27/2013

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First of all based on what you have posted I totally get why he is withdrawing you have gone from being a team to placing everything on his shoulders including caring for you. Yes fibromyalgia is painful I have watched my mother live with it for years, however it doesn't have to rule your life my mom continued to work full time for years and is now my full time care giver so that I can work full time. Somedays the pain is worse than others but she says exercise helps alot. Do some research and find treatments and therapys that can help you get your life back. As for your kids they are feeling the stress in the house and acting out. Take back your life, join him as a team player and I am sure you guys will regain that bond. Don't take things out on him because you are angry he did not cause this problem.

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Neacole - posted on 01/28/2013

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Hi Debbie, so you do understand with them boys & girls nt any easier. But, I've learned nuthing in life is ever easy, so I take it as it come. But I'm happy to be a mother but I also sum days feel like, man I cnt wait till my kids are grown & then here come me sum grand babies. It's jst a challenging time rite now. We are diffently feeling the pressure of the economy. & my 14 yr old jst turned 14 on the 12th & he has certainly changed. & my concern is his lil brother see his big brother acting out & then my baby thinks its okay! Not 2 mention he has ADHD & that's not helping. Then I'm in pain all the time bc of fibromynigia & it's all taking a toll on the family. But, with that I appreciate your response u weren't judging me but giving me advice & what I was looking for. So thank you & I will diffently check n2 that book...

Debbie - posted on 01/28/2013

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I raised a boy too. I now have 6 grandson's aged 8 and younger. My husband was a high school teacher. He told me boys were like deer getting new antlers. Deer have to rub the new velvet off the antlers by fighting and rubbing against trees. Boys are always wrestling, and doing physical things to show their masculine prowess. They need to be involved with something physical like sports. Most children by the age of 14 are beginning their independence spree and show much of their rebellion during the next few years much to the chagrin of the most devoted parent! Stay united in your parenting rules, and adjust as needed. There is a good book for young children that I used as a young mother that helped me a great deal as well. It provided a program that helped both parents stay united and define rules that they could work with together. It is called The Happy Face Token System. It helps you gain control with a built-in consistency factor both parents can use easily. Your children will respond happily and give first-time obedience because of the way they get rewarded. I loved it and used it for many happy years in our home. My husband was so impressed with the way things were going that he started using too. What a blessing.

Neacole - posted on 01/28/2013

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Michell Maccay...Wow u we're very judgemental .& dnt even know the hole story. My man withdrawing because he doesn't know how to deal with me being in pain all the time & because it can be stressful raiseing kids. Our kids are our world but dey can be a handful. So at the end of the day is wen my man & I are to connect. But, it dnt always wrk out that way. Were jst worn out, that's all & its not our kids faught, but they do require a lot. I came on here for advice not to be judged. "How rude" but I dnt need advice bc I'm handling mine over here. & the reason my oldest acting out, is bc he has ADHD & anyone knows its hard raising kids with it. & everybody also knows when they reach teen yrs it can be challenging. & I'm not your mom nor is my life as pleasant as hers may be to deal with fibro. I own to small business. House cleaning & catering. That I run all by myself. Working as a team is not a problem. I take care my man kids & myself...& I push myself everyday. So with that, b4 you go making assumptions, try asking 1st thank you!

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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Yes, I can see that now. I was simply trying to explain why I initially thought you were blaming the kids.

Neacole - posted on 01/27/2013

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That's because when I was typing it I was basically making a response when I began typeing, then I kind of turned it into a question. So to clear up any misunderstandings, I wasn't blaming my kids. If anything my guy says with all the responsibilities that comes with raising kids, has caused us to not have time for each other. That's all I was saying!

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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My apologies Neacole, I read it that you were blaming your children. You might like to ensure you use punctuation, that would probably eliminate the confusion, because now that I reread your post title after reading your clarification, and mentally add punctuation, I better understand what you were trying to say.

Neacole - posted on 01/27/2013

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And for the record I've given this man 12yrs of my life so what ever happens to thru sickness & Heath? Love me at my good then love me at my worst. I take care myself him & our kids. He doesn't mind taking on sum things if it will help me out & I do the same. But if couples dnt work on their relationship, then wat good are we to our kids? Thank you!

Neacole - posted on 01/27/2013

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Thanks for the replies as long as there not 4 judgement I'm all open to advice. Now it's a new year that I'm hoping to bring on new changes. Last year was my worst, I was in constant pain everyday. & b4 I was told wat was wrong with me, I felt like I was loosing my mind. Now that Im on better Heath insurance, that I did nt have, I'm able to get the help & medications that I need. Now, with that i see ppl quick to judge & dnt no my story. Everyone is different. & 4 the record I own 2 business, they may not be big, but I'm working on them. 1 is house cleaning the other is catering. I dnt wrk everyday bc I can't. A person no hw much their body can handle & everyday I push myself is ever evening i feel it. When I clean jobs that require a lot at once, I hurt for days at a time. But each day I continue to push myself. & if I want sum time with my man after the kids are gone to bed, thers nuthing wrong with that & working as a team, have no problem in that department. I jst dnt want him to forget why we 1st feel inlove, & him nt let lifes problems come between our love.

Neacole - posted on 01/27/2013

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Thanks for the replies as long as there not 4 judgement I'm all open to advice. Now it's a new year that I'm hoping to bring on new changes. Last year was my worst, I was in constant pain everyday. & b4 I was told wat was wrong with me, I felt like I was loosing my mind. Now that Im on better Heath insurance, that I did nt have, I'm able to get the help & medications that I need. Now, with that i see ppl quick to judge & dnt no my story. Everyone is different. & 4 the record I own 2 business, they may not be big, but I'm working on them. 1 is house cleaning the other is catering. I dnt wrk everyday bc I can't. A person no hw much their body can handle & everyday I push myself is ever evening i feel it. When I clean jobs that require a lot at once, I hurt for days at a time. But each day I continue to push myself. & if I want sum time with my man after the kids are gone to bed, thers nuthing wrong with that & working as a team, have no problem in that department. I jst dnt want him to forget why we 1st feel inlove, & him nt let lifes problems come between our love.

Neacole - posted on 01/27/2013

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well 4 starters. we have two boys 14 & 5 the oldest has adhd & my baby may have it too. i was sick and in pain everyday last year & found out i have fibromyngia. so all the things i once could do, all by myself, i cant, so its causing more responsiblities on my fiance. & im angry & taking my fustrations out on him. i didnt say he withdrawing bc of the kids, what i am saying, he doesnt have time 4 me anymore romanticly. bc all the responsibilities we both have as parents. our relationship isnt how it was 10yrs ago. my oldest son for the last couple months been braking rules getting n2 trouble & my fience cnt find a full time job to take care of us. & i now cnt wrk full time bc of my condition & then i expect him to care for me now & deal with all my emotional problems. so with that being said, my man & i dnt have that boned & connection we once had!

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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It isn't fair to blame your children for causing your partner to withdraw. His withdrawal is his responsibility, Don't EVER blame children for problems in your adult relationship.

Now, having said that, what is it that the children are doing that is obviously so distressing him? What is it that he can't balance? You haven't given a great deal of information.

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