What do I do?

Dara - posted on 05/25/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )




I guess I probably already know but I'm a stay at home mom, and have never been in a sitation where I wasn't working. My fiance and I weren't together long when I got pregnant with our first daughter. Only a couple of months. I was actually about to dump him when I found out I was expecting. Now, a bit over 3 years later and a second daughter I think I'm just getting more and more unhappy by the day.

He doesn't appreciate anything I do, it's never good enough. Ex I spent an hour and a half cleaning out the car with my two and a half year old, which he had been promising to do for two months. Anyway, I bagged up all the toys in a grocery bag and brought them in a put them on their play couch to put away. I hadn't gotten to it by the time my youngest awoke from her nap and of course she began to make a mess of them. He looked at me and said, "What, did you bring those toys in so she could make a mess of them"? Not thanks for cleaning the car but somehow no matter what I do it's always wrong.

I'm so unhappy and I think my girls are beginning to pick up on it. At the same time I do love him, not so sure I'm in love with him anymore and I'm afraid to leave for many reasons. Not sure for one I can do this alone, I don't want my girls to not have their father in their lives the way they do now. But where do I draw the line. He doesn't cheat or hit me so I know it could be worse but I think mental and verbal abuse is just as bad. Whenever we get in fights which has been more and more often, at least a couple times a week he always says I don't even know why we're togther. Anyway, I would love some feedback from some of you Moms. I really don't doubt I can do this on my own and I'm sure we'd be better off in the long run, but I'm just so torn. However this is something I've been thinking about for a couple months or more now.


Bethany - posted on 05/25/2010




Man, your answer is in your first paragraph. I would not stay with someone just because of kids. Plenty of women go it alone and are better off, and so are the kids.

Louise - posted on 05/25/2010




I know exactly how you feel. I have been married for 20 years this month and for the last 6 months I have been so unhappy. I love my husband to bits but the relationship has just fallen apart. I have two grown children and an 18 month old. I ask myself the same question why do I stay here! I do not want to raise my daughter on my own but I don not want to be unhappy either. Some days are better than others and I think what am I thinking, and then the next day we will bicker over something stupid and I am back to thinking what the hell am I doing. Like me you will have to weigh up the pros and cons and come to a dicision. I know how hard it is I really do. If it is affecting your children then this should be the incentive you need to take steps. Good luck I hope you find the strength to do what your heart tells you to do.


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Dara - posted on 05/29/2010




So, the other night he called me out. Asked me if I was happy and said he could clearly see that I wasn't and that he didn't think I was ever in love with him and only stayed with him because I was pregnant. I couldn't tell him he was wrong and we both did a bit of crying. He begged for the chance to change and me to stay in his life...now this was Wednesday or Tuesday and now he is out at the bar drinking with half the money we have till the 15th and just doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself. I've already packed some bags and they are in the car. I am going to spend some time with my family. And Amanda, I've tried to ask for a break and every time I do so he tells me that if I leave not to come back. He's a big spoiled baby that doesn't care about anyone but himself, seriously! I know I should be kind but it's difficult when you're dealing with someone that just doesn't care. I just don't know what to do. Well actually I think I DO know what to do I'm just not ready to take that step. Some things just can't be undone. I just don't wanna close this door yet because it may never be able to be opened again. However I think it just may be time. We'll see how this goes tomorrow. Pray for me Moms! Thank you again everyone for your feedback. I truly appreciate it!

Amanda - posted on 05/26/2010




have you tried talking to him about maybe taking a break bc when someone says why are we even together that might be a hint that he's unhappy to. it's a hard topic to bring up i know but he might feel the exact same way, me and my x are good friends and seeing other people and the boys see us equally we live in the same neighborhood so they spend on week with me one week with him back and forth holidays and birthdays are everyone together

[deleted account]

Have you been this candid with him about your feelings? You need to get the kids a babysitter and go have a LONG and SERIOUS converstation with him. Tell him how you feel, and expect the same from him. I very old man once told me, "to be kind," no matter what. I am sure at this point if both of you are having these thoughts of splitting up neither one of you are being kind. Good luck and best wishes!

[deleted account]

yea you need to talk to him straight and tell him what you feel and let him know what he is doing that belittles you. He should be more appreciative of the work you do, I know that men don't see the work that sahm do, I feel that way too, but if your fiance complains by putting you down then there is a problem. or tell him then you have to get a job and then you both have to do the house chores. it will be 50 / 50 let him know the situation. of all the work you do and not even a thank you or a smile. at least.

Erica - posted on 05/25/2010




if he is a good daddy he will want what is going to be best for the kids and if you separate they won't be without their daddy. Sometimes apart and happy is better than together and fighting. If you separate on good terms it is better than to wait and separate on bad and spend the rest of your kids lives making everyone unhappy.

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