what do i do about tantrums?

Katherine - posted on 08/29/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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my daughter is three and she starts crying about the smallest things. tonight it was about adding more ketchup to her dinner. she cried for about half an hour. we have tried ignoring her, putting her on time out, yelling, taking away toys. what can i do?

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Minnie - posted on 09/01/2009

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Mmmm...the glass of water in the face, not necessarily cruel, but definitely disrespectful. Yes. Respect goes both ways. And children learn respect from us being the example.

Michelle - posted on 09/01/2009

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Jessica, my BIL did that with his oldest daughter. NOTHING else would work with her; I think she was incapable of calming herself down otherwise. I'd save that as a last resort, though.

When my oldest daughter went through this stage I simply picked her up and put her in her room until she stopped. Every single time. Eventually it wasn't a problem anymore. With regard to just giving in on little things, that depends on whether you already said no. If I know we're dealing with tantrums right now, I would not even say no to little things. Try to say yes to everything possible. BUT, once you say no to anything, even if it's a little piddling thing like more ketchup, you have to stick to it. Remember that the point isn't whether or not she gets ketchup, it's whether or not she respects your right to say no.

Jessica - posted on 09/01/2009

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i have never tired this but apparently my mom did this to my older brother when he was like 2-4. i guess he had horrible tantrums and would scream and flail on the floor. one day my mom had a glass of water and just walked right over to him and threw the water in his face. it shocked so bad he stopped. so when he threw another fit later on she did it again and after only a few times no more tantrums...

some people might think that's cruel but hey it worked so say find out which method works for you in your home and public and stick with it. good luck

Veronica - posted on 09/01/2009

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I agree with most of the posts here. I ignore my son when he throws fits for no reason. When at home, I send him to his room to throw his fit and tell him when he can talk to me like a big boy he can come out and that usually works. Within minutes he is coming back out of his room smiling. In public I sturnly and quietly tell him his behavior is inappropriate and a few times I have taken him out of stores or we have left friends or relatives houses because of his behavior and I tell him when he can be good we can go back.

Minnie - posted on 09/01/2009

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Go the opposite way when she has a meltdown. Lots of hugs and cuddling. Big emotions are very stressful for a child and she needs your help to cope.

Try to figure out what sets off these emotions. Is it a particular time of day, is she very hungry, tired, bored, overstimulated, not getting enough one on one time with you?

A 'tantrum' is not an attempt at manipulation, understand that. It is an outburst of very big emotions that she cannot cope with.

Rhea - posted on 09/01/2009

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I have also the same problem, my son is 18 month old now and im having a hardtime to stop him with his not so good attitude especially when we were in public places. Thanks for the tips i will try to use that...

Jane - posted on 08/31/2009

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it's a stage, emotions are overwhelming. "i can see you don't feel well. why don't you go to your room so you can calm down and feel better."

Naomie - posted on 08/31/2009

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Tobi's right. i'm a first-timer in parenting but i agree with Tobi. you can tell if your child cries for a reason or was just throwing a tantrum. once you pay attention to their tantrum and fall for it, they will use it as their defense/offense mechanism.

Ievy - posted on 08/30/2009

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when our son throwz a tantrum in public, say the store, or visiting family relativez it can be very hard to try and deal with it and not look like a "bad parent". in our sonz case he turnz into a limp wailing ball of child, my husband and i call him limp boy. we laugh and say this is getting you no where then ignore him best we can. but that usually only workz at relativez. in the store or somewhere else public like that, we look him in the eyez and tell him this behaviour is inappropriate for the place we are in. then try and distract him with our surroundingz. such as hey look at this cereal would you like to try it, or how many different colourz can you see. this workz most of the time. but if it doesn't the best idea is to get out of there and deal with it in private. the majority of the world will look at you and your screaming child and turn up their nosez without even thinking.



when our son does it at home he is told this will get you no where and promptly ignored. and now he rarely does it at all. but i do agree if it is something as simple as just wanting some more ketchup give in just a little. tell her you can have a tiny bit more and if thatz not good enough then you don't get anymore at all.



and i agree with the otherz in do not get emotional. once your child seez that doing this getz that kind of reaction from you they will keep doing it. for the most part tantrumz are about wanting attention.

Deidre - posted on 08/30/2009

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I agree with Angie 2000% that's what I did and they were completely gone! Other than that she is at the age where u can speak to her and she can respond. When u explain in a normal voice (not an emotional reaction) that she will not get what she wants when she acts like that you will be suprised what she does next :)

Angie - posted on 08/30/2009

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Only use one method - 4 methods in 30 minutes is just too much. Put her in her room and let her throw her tantrum. When she's done, she can come out. It's not unusual for little ones to do this, they're testing you! She'll quickly learn to stop as soon as you consistently ignore this behavior.

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I agree with Tobi. It's important, though, for all the diciplinarians in the house to react to the tantrums in the same way. If you ask me, ignoring a tantrum is one of the easiest, although more effective, ways to deal with it. I just leave the area and when my 21 month old sees no one is paying attn., He stops.!

Tobi - posted on 08/29/2009

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When it is something little as wanting more ketchup just give it to her. Save your energy for things like wanting her to pick up toys,and respecting the rules and keeping with them.The best way to respond is not to respond to a tantrum. Believe me I know it is hard but sometimes when they realize that you are not about to budge they give up. When you are in public, though it is a bit trickier. You can still "ignore" the behavior, but let her know that when she can talk to you in a quieter voice then you are ready to discuss some choices that are in your favor but let her think she has some control. I hope that some of this helps you.It is best to get control now before they start to walk over you when they get older. So far it has worked on all four of my children. It takes patience that you and dad both have to possess. Good luck.

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