What do I do now that my child is almost grown?

Johnepstein1951 - posted on 06/02/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am having the hardest time right now in my life trying to find my path. My daughter is almost 16.

She does her own thing now. She doesn't need me anymore as she always did when she was a small child and my husband just started a NEW fulfilling job. Meanwhile I feel lost, I've been at home so long that I don't feel useful anymore. I have anxiety as well. Can anyone relate to this? Thank you all for listening.

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Floria - posted on 06/07/2015

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Hi Korinne: Since both of my kids are grown now with one of them having a child of their own, I completely understand what you are going through. This is a hard stage to go through for moms, mostly because we are usually the primary caretakers of everyone and everything. Could there possibly have been something you wanted to do in the past but was not able to do because you had a child/children to care for? My son is soon to be 26 and my daughter is soon to be 29 so I get where you are coming from. I had always wanted to learn how to knit but could not because I never had time to sit down and try to learn. When my kids were in their teens I bought a book on knitting and taught myself. I also made a list of things I would like to learn or do. Depending on the amount of time I thought it would take to learn these things, I set goals, (ex. I want to learn to knit, do calligraphy, and improve my sewing skills this year), you get the idea. One more thing Korinne, you may feel like she doesn't need you now but she still does. Now is the time to start bonding with your daughter on a womanly level and to somewhat become her friend (you still have to be the parent that sets her limits). Be open to her and available for 'Girl Talk'. I know this may be uncomfortable for you but it will be the same for her if you have not established it yet. To create more of a 'womanly' bond with my daughter, since we both LOVE shrimp, I started making dates with her to got out for shrimp. It was a bit awkward at first but eventually we both loosened up with each other and began a new relationship.

Korinne, YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Michelle - posted on 06/05/2015

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You need to finally do things that you have wanted to do for years, Be selfish and find something that satisfies you.

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Erica - posted on 06/20/2015

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i agree with pps that she does need you now in new ways. I can relate to the anxiety as well. Knitting does help a lot with that for me, if it is something you were ever interested in. Or there are so many other hobbies you could try. Books to read etc. Mine are 4 and 18 months right now and I can't imagine how hard it will be to transition to them being grown. I always figured I would get a job at that point but the longer I am not in the workforce the harder that seems to be to do.

Tia - posted on 06/15/2015

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Hi Korinne,

I could remember being that age. Just tell her how proud you are of what a wonderful woman she has become. Let her know you will always be there if she needs you. Then ask her if it's only one day out of the month can yous have a girls night out. Getting to know eachother as people not just as mother and daughter. Sometimes it helps to know that moms have a fun side too. Then sit back and look at what a great job you've done. Trust me her NOT needing you couldn't be further from the truth. She just needs you in a different way now.

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