what do other husbands do to help a stay at home mom?

Michelle - posted on 04/27/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I was just wondering what other stay at home moms husbands do to help out after and before work or on days off...We cant seem to find our groove and all we do is fight ..Im sure you all know how difficult it is being a stay at home mom, never getting a break and going CRAZY. To make it all worse, we moved from the east coast to UT where I know no one and have NO help......My daughter is now 6 months, teething, and constantly screaming, I get NO time to relax...I got asked the other day, "what do you do all day?" I screamed and told him I needed time to myself and went for a 10 minute walk........Maybe I just need to vent or maybe I really am going crazy??

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User - posted on 04/27/2013

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I really feel ya! I think every mother has gone through this! It took me a while to find my groove and go with it, but theres a main similarity with everyone: "You have to have your breaks".
Now with a husband that works fulltime, it was hard at first for me to see his side of normal living. I thought I am home all day with this baby, Im about to pull my hair out, he walks in the door and want to do nothing but rest! And Im gritting my teeth just begging inside Please take him and let me rest for once, I dont know how much longer I can go.
Well with his side he at work all day, wants to go home and be with his family. Want to sit back and relax before another day of grooling work comes, but as soon as he walks in the door, the wife comes at him barely letting him get through the day saying Oh Im so glad your home, I really need some rest,when in turn he thinks "what about me?" Ive been hard at work all day and you dont even care, you just want me to come home from work and work some more taking care of the baby, dont I deserve to at least....(and on)
lol This is in a general sense. For both you and your husband being a parent is hard. Your have 2 different roles and each are difficult in their own ways. You do need to have your time, he needs to have his, and you need to have time together.
For me I just couldnt get over the fact he would come home and not do nothing but sit and "rest" and I am running around trying to cook clean and give most of my attention to my little one at the same time. It was really hard and it made me angry to see him do this. Thats when I would ask him to do things witht he baby, I never come right out and said I cant keep going like this, I am going to burn myself out and its not healthy for me you or the baby, I just kept putting more chores or more why wont you do this or that, pressuring him to get up and doing something that would ease my load.
In turn he would get angry because I was shooting orders at him, he couldnt relax, and we would argue, over even the simplist of things. Life became miserable quick. Well it took me a while to get things straight and I hope that you two figure out a good schedule for you both and understand quicker than I did.
Its a thing, you both have a baby, so fragile, of whom you love to death, and you'd do anything for. Your husband has the role of working parent. If he could he would probably come home and do eveyrthing for you and spend as much time as possible with both of you, but he just has the point too that he cant do it all either. He needs rest and time alone as well.You chose the role of staying home with the baby, you can show more affection and loving discipline to her more so than you husband can (not saying he doesnt love her, men just generally dont show it as much) Mommas take the best care of their children, and its a blessing to be able to do so. It is really hard to adjust to this new life style but trust me it gets easier. I went into it thinking it would come natural, but it didnt for me, it did take time and was also a learning process. You will be exhausted at times, but it is all worth it. As a stay at home mom it is your job mainly to take care of the home and family, and thats something that you already know by now, you cant catch a break. Sometimes the men help, most the time they dont, but whent they do, make sure they know you really appreciate it. Try not to worry about small things, you have alot on your plate and you dont need little things to stress you out. Just get your main chores done, the baby taken care of and take time during the day to relax. When the baby goes to sleep, even if its 5 min time, read a book, sit back a catch some much needed sleep, watch tv, listen to music, anything to clear your mind. When your husband comes home as well, you two can plan a time that you do go take a walk alone every night to get out of the house. Same thing for your hubby, let him have a time to himself too.
With your husband, make sure you two take sometime to be together. Go out on dates if your able to, when the baby goes to bed at night, enjoy each others company watching a movie, playin a game, anything to take time out for one another.
This whole arguing and bickering, for me was just both saying we need a break and we dont need each other to belittle one another, we need to show each other that we are deeply in love, that our marraige comes first, we respect each other, and want to show it everyday.
You both are stressed out sounds like and you need to give each other leave way. Hes not perfect nor are you and you can never expect each other to do things a certain way, if you do youll never be pleased with what he does.
First thing, you do need a break. Moms need time to themselves like everyone else we arnt superheros. Sit down and have a one on one, tell him without disrespecting him how you feel, and let him know its not him, you just need some time and space alone. You can even set up a time each week that you take for yourself. You both would know when its coming up and to shedule around it. And listen to him as well. try to be more undertsanding of where he is coming from. And work a way for you two to always keep your communication open. lol sometimes its best to think before you speak but dont hold nothing in, discuss problems you have together, and always keep an open mind.

I ahve to say I am sorry for this being so long and i hope I have made some sense. I have a 2 yr old son and it had taken us a full yr to understand the balance, and we are continually working on it. Just always keep each other first. Always show him you respect him and try to keep him showing his love towards you. When you feel an arguement coming on think about it and hopefully its something thats not a big deal, nothing to stress over, just try to stay calm and work it out together,really listen to each other and your life as new parents will start being a little easier

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