What do u mums think about giving your child the dad's last name?

Dominique - posted on 04/17/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I wish to get married and soon and hate the fact that my family won't have the same last name. I will take his name, his son has his name but that leaves my daughter! Just something I have been thinking about, what do u mums think?

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Allyson - posted on 04/17/2010

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I am a mother of 3 sons, 2 of which have my last name, and one who has his fathers last name. When I had my oldest, his father wasn't around, so when our son was born, I gave him my last name. A year l8r, we got back together, and I got pregnant with our 2nd son. I didn't want him to have a different last name as his brother, and though his father didn't like it, he didn't put up much of a fight. So my 2nd son got my last name as well. 3yrs l8r, their dad comitted suicide, for other reasons. I feel I made the right choice in that situation, since he decided to desert them anyway. Their grandmother thinks I should change their last name in memory of her son. I told her that I will leave that up to my children, when they are old enough to know the truth about their father. I am their mother, and I am the one raising them, with nothing from their father. They may not WANT to be named after him, and I'm not the best one to make that choice. With my 3rd son, his father INSISTED that our son have his last name. He already had 2 daughters, and I had known him 16 yrs, so I knew he'd always be a part of his sons life. I haven't regretted giving my son his last name, it doesn't bother me that the kids have different last names, they know who their family is. My youngest sons dad and I are now engaged. I guess my point is, its a judgement call, u just have to follow ur heart! Good luck to u!

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Jeanette - posted on 04/22/2010

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i have 2 kids and still with the father after 16 yrs. we are not married but as i became pregnant with my son after just 4 months i decided to give him my last name as we were not sure if it would work out. we have since had a little girl who is now 9 yrs old and she also has my last name.we have both agreed that when we do get married the children will then have his last name. but at the end of the day its a personal opinion and its some thing that you and you're husband have to agree on. if your daughter is old enough why not ask her what she thinks also. good luck and best wishes x

Alyssa - posted on 04/20/2010

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I did bc there were no more male Byrd's my baby's father would have been the last one.

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I remember a friend telling me i was stupid to give my first born her fathers last name and i was like we are in a loving relationship and i will be doing it we have been together 7years now and shes five and we also have a 15mth old to.I would rather them have there dads last name.Were not married but maybe one day or not marriage isn't something i am mad about the love would never change its a piece of paper to me which is personally how i see it.

Oliver - posted on 04/20/2010

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If the father has no intention of being involved or is just crappy all around. Never. Why would I honor him with that? Luckily, Tristan's dad is wonderful and there was no doubt he would be carrying his last name. I think for how many dad's put women through the ringer, it's nice to give the good dads a bonding utensil since us women get just about everything else.

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Sharon - posted on 04/20/2010

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my baby has the dads name and we are in a permanent relatioinship.suppose it depends on your situation x

Brandice - posted on 04/20/2010

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I got married 2 years ago and could only change my last name, not my daughter's. Because her father is still around (sorta) I can't legally change her name until she's old enough to choose. I would check into what the law says where you live.

Lisa - posted on 04/20/2010

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I have a different last name than my husband and children. Doesn't really bother me. When people call me by my husband's last name, I don't correct them. Saves an explaination!

Brittany - posted on 04/20/2010

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Well I am married and we have a son together and I wish my son and I would have kept my last name, BUT this is only bc I despise my husbands family!!! I definately think the child should have the same last name as the mother though. Just because if they are in the hopsital or situation like that where you will have to fight to prove your their mother.

Adrianna - posted on 04/20/2010

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i think that if he is in her life as her father yes she should have his name now if he were a dead beat dad no, but Yes i beleive children should have their fathers names

Brittany - posted on 04/19/2010

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i gave my son my husbands name. my husband had a son before we got together (who also has his last name) and we were planning on getting married. we actually moved our wedding up several months b/c i wanted to have the same last name as my baby...maybe thats just me though.

as for your daughter...you didnt say how old she is. maybe talk to her and if it is an option...see if she would like your fiance to adopt her...we are actually going to start the process of me adopting my husbands son as his mom has been out of his life for almost 2 years. best of luck with your decision!

Elizabeth - posted on 04/19/2010

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I have a loving fiance and we have a 5 month old son together, he has my last name.
My fiance has 2 other children (A boy and a girl) from 2 previous marriages who have his last name. Even though I love him, am going to marry him and all that I gave my son my last name. The way I look at it is in the eyes of God, society, the church and the court I'm a 'Single' mother so my son should have my name. When we get married I'm either going to hifenate mine and my sons names or maybe my fiance and I will both hifenate ours and leave the childrens as is.

Dominique - posted on 04/19/2010

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I like the fact the you mentioned adoption. My fiance mention he wouldn't mind adopting my daughter once we get married because her dad is not in the picture as he should be. Also because we have considered to move to another state and he will help me in raising her, it just feels right. Research is good I will consider to do so.

Dominique - posted on 04/19/2010

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I had my daughter at 17 as well, my now boyfriend and I decided to get married and he said he wouldn't mind if she had his last name. But I think I should let her decide when she gets older, thanks!

Dominique - posted on 04/19/2010

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Me and her father are not together and I think its because I have moved on and decided to marry that the last issuse has infact become an issue. I don't know how odd it will be if I change her name to my husband's to name once I take his name. I don't want my daughter to feel left out

Dominique - posted on 04/19/2010

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No she is not his daughter and I thought it will be odd to give her his last name but my daughter already make comments about us having different last names. Her dad is not in the picture and I guess its all me, I feel a family should have the same last name...I guess its something to think about

Bethany - posted on 04/18/2010

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If it's what you do then it's what you do. We only do it in Australia because that's tradition. It's just a label, and they can change it later if they want. If a child from a previous relationship can be adopted by the new dad, they can have his name too. If you'll feel more "happy families" with all the same name, then look into it, otherwise, don't worry about it.

Michelle - posted on 04/18/2010

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I think that the child should always take the fathers last name, regardless of the circumstances. You should never play god with your child's life.x

Brandi - posted on 04/18/2010

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Is your daughter his, too?? I think that IF you are married when the child is born, then NO BRAINER yes the whole family should have the last name. IF you are not married to the father, then NO. If you break up for some reason, or he becomes TOTALLY uninvolved (which let's face it HAPPENS) then your kids don't need the CONSTANT reminder. IF however you DO get married and the relationship is good, then you can always change it to his last name. In my opinion, if they want their kids to have their last name then they should make it official.

Nicole - posted on 04/17/2010

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i had a baby girl when i was 17 and the father didnt want anything to do with her and so i gave her my last name and when she was 2 months old i met the man that is my husband now and my little girl who is now 4 has always called him dad but she knows he is not her real father and when she gets old enough i want her to decide if she wants the same name as me and the rest of her family or if she will just wait till she gets married to change it......i'm going to let her decide...her last name isnt important to me but she is

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I never even considered not giving my daughter her dad's last name. At the time we had just gotten engaged and we are now happily married with 2 kids. You chose with what you think is best for you and your kids.

Monica - posted on 04/17/2010

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i never even married my children's dad, and we're not together anymore, but i still don't regret them having his last name... it's just something that's been done for a very long time, and in my case i have a brother and other family to carry on my own name, so i don't see it as a big deal. if you're getting married and the child is his, why not? but if u have a problem with it go with what makes you comfortable!! if you put both your last names on the birth certificate and then when the child is older they have the choice? If it's not his daughter, i don't think you should change her name... ?

Jenn - posted on 04/17/2010

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I know how you feel, my daughter does not have the same last name as me she has her dad's last name. But I am still with him so its not that big of a deal but I still want to have the same last name as my daughter even if that means changing mine.Its really just a preference I guess. I think its the right thing to do is to give the child the dad's last name (if he is in the picture).

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