what do you do when you an your partner want to parent dirrerently? were do you find the compromise?

Manda - posted on 06/16/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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i spend most of the time looking after our 19month old daughter but when my partner get home from a bad day he can be in a rotten mood an is very impatiant with our girl i get frustrated as i have spent all day with her an sometimes they are very long days lol an i have to keep my cool. so shouldnt he? he growls an i like to use the time out method he likes to shut the door an i hate it i dont like her to be shut away! so what i wana know is were do we met in the middle? whos right whos way should it be done? im confused!

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Chesnie - posted on 06/21/2010

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This may not answer your question but when my husband gets off work he tells me to give him 45 min to an hour to cool down..he is always happier after that..

Pamela - posted on 06/19/2010

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make a date night with your husband and without your daughter...discuss with him then some solutions you both could agree on...no one has ever been given the master book on parenting and right or wrong most of us parent the way we were parented or the total opposite of what we were parented.,,sometimes thats a good place to start conversation on this sensitve matter. Ask him what he liked and disliked, what worked and didn't work for his parents. Share yours as well. Share with him how you would like to raise your daughter and ask for his imput and really listen...don't get on the defense. Maybe he is just needing a little more of your attention as well...children bring alot into a relationship and can take alot out of it as well...have you and your daughter make him maybe a favorite dessert or dinner...or give him little notes that you were thinking about him all day and you can't wait for your daughter to go to bed so maybe if he could play with her outside for a little bit to get her tired out and you would have sometime to get a shower and ready for sometime with just him. You maybe surprised at how willing he maybe if he feels like you are still interested in him. GOOD LUCK.

Manda - posted on 06/17/2010

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thank you all for your good advice some of this i aready do i give him half an hour when he gets home to have a shower an relax watch the head lines of the new an then i try to get him to watch her while i cook tea an get ready for the night. i think we should try talking about it on his day off less stressful. thanks again for helpfull advice.

Tracy - posted on 06/17/2010

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Keep a positive approach towards him when discussing this issue. I know my husband won't walk through the door without being able to pick up our 12 month daughter, and smothering her with kisses. He takes his time in the front yard/garden if he's had a rough day, and focuses on something else. Maybe your hubby just needs to decompress before he faces something or someone who demands more from him. It's "human" in my book! Take a walk or give her a bath at this time, and let him come home and chill for a bit! Ask him if this will work better for him! It might work! Good luck!

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Unfortunately in these situations most of the time there is not a right or wrong way - you just have to work it out between you. My hubby and I talk through things when neither of us are tired or grumpy, so if I/ or he does anything the other is not happy about we tell each other - in all aspects of our life not just parenthood. I find this keeps our marriage healthy. You may find your hubby does not realise that you do not always like how he parents your daughter and may be willing to change.

Tamara - posted on 06/17/2010

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There is no right or wrong way. It should be something everyone agrees on. I usually gives my husband about 10 to 15 min of him time when he gets home so he can cool off from a long day at work. I'm not always with my kids since they are in school. For me I learned that when I push everything on him he gets even more cranky.

Bethany - posted on 06/17/2010

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I pretty much make the parenting decisions in our house. I've done the study, the research, and have good reasons for all my decisions, so if my husband has an opinion, he better have a good reason for it, otherwise, it's my way or the highway.

Tradition and opinion take a back seat to fact here.

Jessica - posted on 06/17/2010

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I agree with both suggestions, you need to sit down with your partner and discuss the situation but NOT when either of you are tired or irritable. My husband and I do this regularly to make sure we are on the same page about dealing with our daughter and if we truely cant compromise we generally do things my way as Im the one at home with her and I need to feel comfortable with how Im raising her, its also what she is used to. That being said we do really try to compromise and I always hear my husband out and look at his perspective as sometimes he really does have good ideas, I never do the "well Im the one at home so its my way, too bad'!
Good luck!

Mandy - posted on 06/16/2010

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You should try to sit down and come up with a strategy together that you both agree on, but do it when you're not stressed out and can focus and be calm.

Veronica - posted on 06/16/2010

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Sometimes there isnt always a right and a wrong. When I'm upset with the way that my husband chooses to father our son, I just talk to him about it in a cool and non threatening manner. I have found this is the way with most marital problems for us. It just needs to be discussed in a sincere, non threatening manner.

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