What is a stay at home mom role?

Amy - posted on 11/06/2009 ( 70 moms have responded )

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I have just become a stay at home mom. What is my job? I am use to being at work and both me and my husband do the chores but now that I am at home I am expected to do all the chores. Is that how it should be? What are ya'll schedules like and how do you get everything done?

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Wendy - posted on 11/30/2010

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I take care of all the household dutues. There are times that my husband will take the lead on this to give me a break but it isn't necessary. I manage my time well and still have time for myself each day. We both desired a traditional household from the get go, so I actually don't want him to ever have to pick up my slack. He works very hard for his family and when he is home he needs to unwind and enjoy his time with us. I figure - since I don't follow him around at work picking up his slack, there is no reason why he should do the same for me AFTER taking care of his end of the bargain. It gives me great joy and pride to have the kids and house cleaned up with a nice dinner ready for dad when he gets home. He is the provider, disciplinarian and decision maker in our family. He has not let me down yet as I trust and admire him, so I gladly support him as his wife and the mother of his children. I wouldn't have it any other way. I think you'll find that once you are at home with your children and you are able to take care of the house the way you wish, that everything will be calmer and happier for all!

Kristina - posted on 11/06/2009

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I am a stay at home mom of 4 children. 2 kids are in school. On the bus at 6:45 and home at 2:45. That leaves me home with a 3 year old and a 9 month old. My husband is a fireman so he works a 24 hour shift then he is home for 48 hours. We share all the responsibilities at our home. We are a team. We neither one have "set chores" we do what we see needs done at the time. We live our lives day to day. Every day is different with different needs in front of us. Like was said above, not everything gets done, but what is important is that you have a home that is safe for your family, food on the table, and warm beds, loving parents to your children, and a relationship between you and your spouse that your children can look up to. Don't expect too much from yourself or your husband. It can become too overwhelming. Live life, take a breathe when need be, and let some things go. Things will fall into place for you and your family. Each family is different. Sit down with your husband and talk about what you both have in mind for a plan for your family with this new change. Tweak it if need be. And don't take yourselves too seriously! Life is what you make it! : )

Sarah - posted on 11/06/2009

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I think it means different things to different people. The one thing I have found is that you never get paid enough for what you do, your hours never end, and your job title is always changing to meet your child's and your family's needs. I don't think you can compare staying home versus working it is like comparing an apple to an orange. They are seperate things. The thing I have realized over the years of being a stay home mom is that the financial stress lays with my husband a lot (he is the one bringing in the $), but we are a family so it affects us all so it is also my job to try to save where I can and do as much as I can to help that out. The stress of the care of our children and the care of the home lays with me a lot (I am the one that spends most of the time in the home and with our children), but again we are a family so it affects us all so it is also his job to try to help out when and where he can. Do things always get done....No. Just like work you have a pile of things that need to get done. You start with those that need your most attention and work your way down. Sometimes you get through your pile in one day and other times you do not. It sounds like maybe you and your husband need to talk about how the both of you want your family to go. Big thing is don't argue and don't finger point. Let him know what you are willing to do to help with his stresses. Ask him what else he would like from you. Let him know what you need from him. And know that not everyday will all those needs be met, but the fact that you are both trying to meet them is what counts.

Jamie - posted on 11/07/2009

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I am a stay at home mom with four children. I do most of the housework because I am home and the shopping because I it is easier to get it done through the day when the stores have fewer people in them. My husband helps with some of the housework when he gets home. My children all have chores to do such as vaccuming, unloading dishwasher, feeding the cats, et cetera. I also have a home based business (always looking to add team members...) and am emplolyed from home. It is not too bad trying to get everything done, just comes down to time manamgement. (I also get to the gym and take a nap everyday :-) )

User - posted on 11/12/2009

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You are the chief homemaker. What happens in your home, whether beautiful or ugly is chiefly your call and under your list of duties. Both you and hubby work, but your work is keeping the hearth. List? First, child rearing/education/care. Second, housekeeping/organizing. Third, probably financial management/budget. Fourth, meal preparation and planning. Fifth, laundry. Sixth, don't forget, fostering traditions and religious practices (very important--because no one else will do it).

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Tina - posted on 02/08/2010

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I retired a few years ago and it was a culture shock for me staying home. Unfortunately, since you are home everyone expects everything from you. I am like you and do all the cooking cleaning, making lunches, dentist/doctors appts, attend all the parent teacher conferences, room mother for all three kids plus take care of all the finances at home. My advice to you is try to allow some ME time for yourself. If you like working out; continue to do this. If you can have lunch with girlfriends or plan a girls weekend like I just did. Never give up on you and who you are. Try not to clean all day long. I space my cleaning out. One day I'll do all the floors, bathrooms and laundry. The next day I'll dust and clean mirror, and all glass and laundry. Above all, take time for yourself too. But don't expect others to help out it rarely gets done.

Tasha - posted on 11/13/2009

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I am a stay at home single mom there is no husband to help out...The only responsibility you have is to take care of your children they are the most important things in your life. Keeping your house clean and running errands are all a part of everyday life so no matter if you stay at home or not you would still have laundry and cooking to do...The most beautiful experience in the world is watching your kids grow up and being fortunate enough to work from home has allowed me that oppurtunity I dont feel its a job to take care of your children rather an experience for both you and them to enjoy...What works for one might not work for someone else, take your time and be patient and things will fall into place...

Stacy - posted on 11/12/2009

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My opinion, as a stay at home mom of my 8 1/2 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old daughters , is that looking at things as chores will not be in your best interest. If you look at having a clean home, and prepared meals as a show of love and desire to please your husband and family, it is self gratifying. A clean home allevites tension, and clutter creates it. You also have the opportunity to homeschool your children of school age. My daughter has come so far with individualized learning, and there are many social opportunities within our online curriculum. Don't forget to attend to yourself too. Stop all home care about a hour before your hubby gets home to care for you. Attitude is everything, do it for love of your family, not because it's expected. Remember too, the more you get done at night before bed, the less in the a.m. Go ahead and run the dishwasher, fold blankets or clothes while kids aren't needing attention, and builcompetitive natures in your kids by having them race to see who can put up the most toys. Let them "help" you vacuum...at least they're not making a mess. You could also get them doodle pads with special markers that ONLY write on the doodle pad for 30 minutes and while they're doing that, you can make lunch or something else. A secret is to keep them constructively busy while you're constructively busy too. Crank on some music, flow with the beat, and enjoy it. Hope this helps.

Betty - posted on 11/12/2009

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i was also just in your shoes,both doing chores. but since he is at work all day and im at home. i make sure the house chores r done so he can relax and we both can focus on playing with kids, and homework, and just family time instead of chores. i take older kids to school then focus on the mopping and laundry since both take time to do. then i do the rest slowly (since i have a 5month old home) and start dinner by 430p so its ready when he gets home at 5p. he still takes out trash and does yard work but less inside since i feel that is how i can help out and we can focus on family more in evening time. this is what is working for us. all people r different. good luck.

Abby - posted on 11/11/2009

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I have been a stay at home mom full time for almost 2 years. I have 2 little girls. I try to view my "job" as caregiver to my children first and foremost...then the other stuff. I do almost all the cleaning and cooking but my husband is understanding that it doesn't always get done right away and he will need to help out too. It is hard to find a rhythm with the caregiving and cleaning but it will come to you and your family with time. Good luck...

Genea - posted on 11/11/2009

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I have been a stay at home mom18 years.It is hard to fit it all in when your doiing everything but youll get into your own groove and do whats best for your family!It takes a while to get routine theres never a dull moment at the wynn house!mine are 18,10,3!!fun fun!

Maria - posted on 11/11/2009

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Every family is different in how they make SAHParenting work. Just rememer: 1) You are a Mom not a maid. 2) you are your child's mom not your husband's mom. 3) Nobody will die if the laundry basket or the kitchen sink is full. Take one day at a time, ask for help when you need it, take care of yourself, and don't sweat the small stuff.

[deleted account]

With My first child I did most of the work but hubby was still expected to help out.



I should have taken more time to sleep and enjoy the down time to relax becase when number two came I was really busy. and no break at all.



The advantage I see now in taking the time to rest and not be constantly doing housework is that you get me time esp if you have come from working fulltime to fulltime mum. if you get in the habit of at lest duing one of the sleeps taking time out to do your own thing when number 2,3,4... or however many your planning comes along you stick to that time otherwise you'll be exaugested burn out and crash. (found that out the hard way).



One thing I did do that was his Job that no matter what he had to do was the dishes everynight! help out with the other stuff esp if the day has been a busy and hard one.  I didn't want to be stuck in the kitchen all day ;)



Take each day as it comes if you have a fav radio talk back channel (or tv we don't have one so it doesn't apply)  do the folding then.  while the wee one is still in highchair after food time sweep/vac up around them dont worry about doing the whole house you can do that every couple of days. a certain amount of dirt wont kill them it will help them build up their imune system. after your or whoevers had a bath/shower a quick spray and or just wiping it down with a squegy wipper thing helps and the give it a proper clean down a day or so later and do the toilet then as well.  Mop only once a week and spread it out so you're not doing it all on one day so eg the old washing on monday, baking on tuesday.... had it's advantage so monday vac/sweep, mop the floor tues clean the bathroom toliet. wed folding ( if you want to leave it for a couple of days) or sort throught that pile of papper that is building up, thurs vac/sweep the floor  fri clean bathroom toilet and maybe do a bit of dusting quick once round.



and don't worry if you find that one day it's just a pig sty this happens and is norrmal esp if the kids get sick.  most important is the kid not the housework..  there was a saying i was given resently its



" Good mothers" Have sticky floors and filthy ovens!



Just spread out the work load and you'll be ok!

Jenny - posted on 11/11/2009

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im stay at home mom of two i desided to go back to school and do the cleaning on the weekends in less something has to be done earlier

Raeoni - posted on 11/11/2009

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Hi, I am a stay at home mum. I've always worked and now my work is my two baby girls. Honestly I think a stay at home mum is what you choose it to be. Because although Your husband works and deals with the financial side of things his job has a start time and a end time. Where as a stay at home mums hours don't neccessarily end till your head hits the pillow. So I think it's always best to work out a routine that will fit you both. Kids can be a handful and do make it hard for you to be able to deal with the household chores. So just try and make it fair on both of you. Where maybe you get to take the weekends off of the household chores and you just look after the kids or vice versa. You just work out a balance I think. I don't think that it means that you have to do everything though just because your husband is working. Anyways hope that helps a little. Good luck.

Penny - posted on 11/11/2009

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I am a SAHM with 4 kids, 3 of which are in school. My husband has never really been involved with the care of the children. He is good about playing with them, but as far as anything else it is up to me. The same goes with the house cleaning and cooking. He does take care of his own laundry which is a good thing, otherwise he wouldn't have clean clothes half the time. I do not usually have a problem with this role, I did choose it, but the thing that I really resent is that he is always on me about trying to make money on top of all the other work. Weather it is ebay, or garage sales, or babysitting. I even worked outside the home while I was pregnant with my last one while the other kids were in school. My husband, as well as many others I am sure, truly do not understand the amount of work involved in raising a child or children and managing a home. He jokes all the time about how he would like to be a stay at home Dad and me go out and work so he can take a break. I just laugh at him and tell him Yeah, then instead of a 10 hour day you'll have a 24 hour day because stay at homes don't get breaks or sick days or vacations.

Lupe-Monica - posted on 11/11/2009

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I think everyone is right it means different things to us...but i think our roles are or should be somewhat traditional raising the kids cooking and cleaning. you should first off write down your goals for the week i usually do all the laundry on monday or tuesday clean the bathrooms wednesday and leave the kitchen last since its the messiest i think you should totally start to set your kids as clocks meaning strict schedule!!!! breakfast at this time nap at the time lunch when they wake up play time snack, dinner then shower and straight to bed without a schedule life will be impossible

Ashley - posted on 11/11/2009

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I am also a SAHM and I get no help at all! Because he works he thinks that he needs to do nothing at home. He is hardley even a parent. Besides taking care of the kids I have to do all the chores in the house as well as outside the house. (mowing and snow shoveling). It is all so stressful having to do all this work most because I dont even get a thank you or the house looks nice and I am always exhausted before noon. I think you and your husband need to communicate what it is that you are both gonna be expecting from each other.

Stacey - posted on 11/11/2009

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Also, which is extremely important is be sure to have date night with your hubby each month! All the chaos which comes with being a SAHM can get overwhelming leading to you and your hubby losing track of eachother. Make sure you have a sitter atleast 1 night each month so you two can have alone time to reconnect with eachother. You dont ever want to lose that connection!! It helps so much/ breaks up the tension that you and he may have dealing with life itself!!

Jessica - posted on 11/11/2009

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talk it over with your husband and ask what he expects out of you being at home now....as long as you talk about it together and have an understanding you both know what to expect from one another thus lessen arguments and fights.

Stacey - posted on 11/11/2009

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Being a SAHM is the hardest job you will ever have BUT the only job you will LOVE!! The joy of raising your children and taking the credit for doing that is # 1 top of the list; awesome feeling ever! Your payoff is experiencing first hand every milestone every child overcomes. ( not being told about it after the day is done) Unfortunately, most hubbys miss out on such things. Your work is never done! Once you make up a routine for yourself, everything will fall into place. Dont let the house chores get in the way of time spent with the kids. Those chores can wait, they are not going anywhere! Hubby does help when he is home whether I ask or not. I also help him outside of the home (yard work, leaves, cutting down dead trees, cutting new paths,( we live in the woods on 5acres) There is alot inside and outside to do!! We own a 5 bedroom house. Each day I am cleaning rms. Pick a few things to accomplish everyday, write yourself a list. Dont consume yourself w/ cleaning the entire day cause that leaves no room for kids, hubby, and you time! I dont do any chores during the evenings/weekends. Other than baths/bedtimes. Plan a schedule that fits you. make it a routine you follow everyday and you will feel accomplished and worthy of yourself. Dont sweat it if it doesnt get done. Like I say, It will get done some other time! Have fun and enjoy your kid(s)!! They are the main reason you have become a SAHM!!!

Kathy - posted on 11/11/2009

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This is a tough one to sum up quickly. My opinion is this: Simply because one person is the stay at home parent and one leaves the house to work DOES NOT MEAN that the one that stays at home DOES NOT WORK!!!!! Therefore, when the decision to have one parent stay home while the other works outside of the home is made a discussion of how the household will be ran should take place as well. Oftentimes this is where things go wrong. When you both worked what was your daily routine like?? It should remain the same during the times both parents are home. Simply cause you stay home doesn't mean that your hubby should get to come home and do nothing just cause he "is off work", SAHM's never go off the clock therefore it's imperative that the dad pitches in just as if that is their wife's full time job-because IT IS. Every person in the household should have some responsibilities in the chore department. Even the little one's do what they are capable of. My son(10) cuts the grass and does a LOT of the fall clean up with his 5 yr old and 2 yr old sisters "helping to rake and bag." Me and my hubby get out there with them too. The 5 year old sets the table with direction, swiffers the floor and sometimes helps me wipe down the bathroom counters. The 2 year old dusts alongside me. Everyone does an age/ability appropriate chore to give them a sense of responsibility and pride in their home. Do I do a majority of the housework and errands, yes. Does my husband get to sit around and do nothing, no. Yes, he brings home the money but I run the household. I agree with the one mom that says it's like comparing apples and oranges. We all do our jobs to run a smooth household. There might be only one person bringing money in but how the other one handles it is going to determine how well/smoothly the household is maintained.

Lora - posted on 11/10/2009

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im a stay at home with 2 babies :) i do all of the chores! cleaning, cooking, laundry, take care of the kids, and just everything. i dont really ever have any help. he cooks maybe once a month for dinner but otherwise i do everything! its very stressful sometimes, my boyfriend is always at work though and so i dont get a lot of help with anything! a lot of people think being a stay at home mom is so easy but really its not as easy as it looks! Good luck :)!

Crystal - posted on 11/10/2009

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I always felt that a SAHM should take care of all the household duties - laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, ect. And then I became one and learned how difficult that is lol. It never ends. Never. My husband, thankfully, is amazing about sharing kitchen duties when he gets home and putting his own laundry away - even helping me fold while we watch tv if i didn't get to it earlier in the day. My house isn't as clean all the time as I'd like it to be, but I was making myself crazy trying to keep it "just so" - ( althoughI still feel like going on dishwashing strikes now and then lol).I"ve also learned that the most important thing about being a sahm is my child. Playing, bonding, teaching - that's your main job. Everything else comes second.

Joline - posted on 11/10/2009

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I agree with most of the posts...you and your husband are both equall partners and parents, regardless of who is home and who works. Your children and your household duties should be shared equally.

Ashley - posted on 11/10/2009

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with me and my husband i do alot of the cleaning and housework, tho on his days off he helps me out mostly by watching our son because he's not a perfectionist and doesn't do it the way i like it done so i do most of it and raising our 1 year old son. ever since day 1 i only got up with him and my husband didn't cuz he had to work 50 hours a week so it's only fair that i do the work around the house:)

Heidi - posted on 11/10/2009

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Quoting Kylie:

Hi, as a first time SAHM, I saw my primary job at meeting the needs of my son, and making sure he has everything he needs, if after all of that there is time (and energy) to clean I do that. It's stay at home mum, not stay at home maid. My husband understands this, and of things aren't done we often do them together when he gets home.


I totally agreee with this comment. You are a stay at home MOM! If your husband shared the chores before he should continue doing so. Especially if you just had your baby!



Actually, my husband does most of the cleaning. I vaccum and wipe stuff up when necessary but he is the one that does all the bathroom and mopping cleaning! Yes, I know, I'm lucky! But I do all the cooking and laundry.



You are working!!!!!! It's not like you are sitting on the couch eating bon bons! LOL Did you know that if you were to be paid for everything a stay at home mom does you'd be making something like $176,000/year! That's pretty good.... if only it was real!

Cassie - posted on 11/10/2009

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Hi Amy,
I like the web page flylady.com. It has everything that needs to be done in a day to what should be done in a week, to what should be done in a month. You make you our routine based on your needs. I do it for a while and then fall of the wagon and then I jump on again and all it well. The main thing to do is take everything one step at a time and one day at a time.

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I think the SAHM role is different for everyones situation. I stay home with my 6 month old daughter and my husband works. I do all the cooking, cleaning and parenting with the exception of weekends, and it works well for us. It's what I've always wanted to be; a SAHM and housewife! My husband works very hard to provide a wonderful life for us, so I feel that it's the least that I could do to have the house clean and a hot meal waiting for him. On Saturday mornings I get to sleep in and my husband will take care of our daughter and make me breakfast (usually homemade waffles..mmm)! Everynight after dinner my husband will spend time playing with the baby until it's time for him or her to go to bed while I do the dishes from dinner. It's what works for us, but may not work for you. You should talk to your husband and figure out a plan that works best for you. There is no right or wrong!

Annery - posted on 11/10/2009

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My role is taking them 2 school, clean da house, laundry, feed n walk da dog, have dinner ready by the time they get home. Help with homework, carry conversations with them as far as how their day went, wat new, different things are going on, pay bills, do groceries, Dr.'s appointments, shopping for any of their necessities, give dem a bath while I'm taking care of my infant baby. Dat's most of it when my husband is not home, when he is, da list goes on...n I still have time 2 hang out wit my FB friends.

Nette - posted on 11/10/2009

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There not enough time in the day to tell u what my schedule is or how to get everything done. The day rearly ever ends at a normal time. My schedule is very crazy. I can't explain it. It is hard.



Good luck to you and your family!!

Quinn - posted on 11/09/2009

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Personally, I am left to do it ALL, so it does not get done. My son is 5 months old and I am drowning....

Kristina - posted on 11/09/2009

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Sit down with your hubby and ask him what he expects and discuss what you're willing to do. To make it work you both have to go in to it with your eyes wide open. I have what can only be explained as a "wonder-mom" complex... I try to do it all (perfectly) and look good doing it... My mom has said I'd have been a great 1940s or 50s housewife...

Karen - posted on 11/09/2009

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I agree with many of the posts below. First, you need to sit down with your hubby and find out what his definition of a SAHM is, or what his expectations are. My kids are 14, 14 and 12. I worked full-time until my mentally challenged, autistic step-son moved in with us almost 4 years ago. It has been challenging. As for the chores, etc., it's no big deal. You can get most of these done during nap time or playtime. My suggestions would be to get into a routine that works best for you. i.e., breakfast, then dishes (unload from the night before and you can add throughout the day), throw in a load of laundry here and there, or pick a couple of days out of the week to do laundry. I know this sound funny, but I created myself a "chore chart" so I make sure I get everything done.



The one this I cannot express enough is you will definitely need "you time", even if this means that you find a mother's day out at church or something. I have always been a social butterfly and have worked since I was 15 so that is the toughest part.



Hope some of this helps. Good luck!

Julie - posted on 11/09/2009

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i don't see it as a chore rather a privilege...i don't get everything done in a day sometimes u need to space it out over 2 or 3 days.. i generally get all the housework done when my little girl is asleep but if i am tired i will sleep & do housework later..

Trish - posted on 11/09/2009

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well.. I have 4 kids.... I do all the cleaning, bathing, cooking taking care of the pets. Helping the kids with homework after school, all the doctor appointments and meetings, However thats my choice my husband never expectes me to do it and is more then willing to do any of it also!

Kristi - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Mary :



Quoting Riona:

Before my husband and I got married even before we were dating I told him "I don't clean, I do not do dishes, I do not mop, dust, and I sure as hell don't do laundry, if you are ok with that then we just might work out." lucky for me he is a neat freak who loves to clean. When we had Juliana our daughter he asked me if I wouldn't mind taking over cleaning the kitchen because it was the only part of the house he didn’t seem to have time to get to and so that is my only real chore besides picking up after munchkin. Really it depends on your relationship and being able to define how much you can handle and having the ability to have an open and honest conversation to let him know how you feel about it and what you need help with.
The closest I think I can come to answering the "What is my job?" question is this. You are a mom someone who is now responsible for the care, education, and entire life of another human being. this is something that is both amazingly wonderful and yet difficult at the same time. There are no set rules, there are no manuals, there are no master guides to show you everything you need to do every second of the day but that is also part of what will make your relationship with your baby unique and one of a kind. I know that I had no clue what to do with my daughter when I brought her home I had never even changed a diaper or babysat any kid before I had her but committing to do my best I could is all I can promise. every day is new, every day is different just go with the flow and always do what is best for your munchkin ..... to me that is what "being mom" is all about





Wow! I'm surprised ur husband married u after u told him u dont do anything around the house!





 





I think it's great that Riona could be so honest about herself before she got married.  More people should be that honest and maybe divorce wouldn't be so prevalent!  :)  Sounds like they are figuring out what works for them.  LOL

Kristi - posted on 11/09/2009

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I had this discussion with my husband the other day. I have been home with my daughters - 6 years and 19 months - since being laid off in March. The best role as a stay-at-home mom I have found is to be a mom first, and then a household manager. You can't possibly do everything, and if you do try, you are going to wear yourself out and be frustrated with your family. A household manager is aware of what needs to be done and helps ensure that things get done smoothly with everyone's participation and input. Good luck! The right answer is ever-changing in my home, but I love being home and want stay-home moms to feel like their contributions are immensely important because they ARE!

Myra - posted on 11/09/2009

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I'm a stay-at-home mom for 17mo now, and was just a home-maker before my husband and our daughter was born (except when I would work...which admittedly wasn't much. I can't deal with people enough to work for long periods at a time). Pretty much, the way my husband and I do things is this: he does the work outside the home; the job, yard work, and repairs that I can't do. I do the inside work; cooking, cleaning, washing, and repairs I can do. As far as shopping goes, I usually do the grocery shopping because he can't buy everything for what we have to work with (it really takes a knack to work with a budget). He'll do short runs to the store, though.

I am lucky, though in that he'll offer to help out if he can see I need help or if I ask for it.

In our house, the inside responsibilities include paying the bills and making sure we stick to our budget. Pretty much he's the laborer that brings in the money, and I'm the supervisor that handles everything else.

I generally get up with my daughter at 9:30, 10am. Get her and my breakfast. We eat together. Then I start with cleaning. Depending on the day depends on what needs to be done...but a lot has to be done each day; vacuuming, washing dishes, sweeping, etc. Twice a week (unless it is needed more), I mop and clean the bathroom thoroughly. Generally, I do laundry every other day.

Things are fit into the eating, sleeping, and playing my daughter does because time for her is MOST important. Once you get into a routine, you'll find it is pretty easy to keep things up. Getting things into an order you like is the hard part!

Michelle - posted on 11/09/2009

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I'm a stay at home mom of two. A kindergartener and an 18 month old. My husband farms so in the spring and fall it is all me doing everything. BUT when he is home we share the childcare duties but I tend to still do all the cooking/cleaning. Although he does handle a lot of the laundry. I think it's an individual thing how you decide to split household duties. I do resent my hubby a bit during harvest and planting season but I try to remember he is putting in 15 hour days 7 days a week, so he is working hard too. It's a tough balance you learn as you go. Do what works best for you.

Mary - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Riona:

Before my husband and I got married even before we were dating I told him "I don't clean, I do not do dishes, I do not mop, dust, and I sure as hell don't do laundry, if you are ok with that then we just might work out." lucky for me he is a neat freak who loves to clean. When we had Juliana our daughter he asked me if I wouldn't mind taking over cleaning the kitchen because it was the only part of the house he didn’t seem to have time to get to and so that is my only real chore besides picking up after munchkin. Really it depends on your relationship and being able to define how much you can handle and having the ability to have an open and honest conversation to let him know how you feel about it and what you need help with.
The closest I think I can come to answering the "What is my job?" question is this. You are a mom someone who is now responsible for the care, education, and entire life of another human being. this is something that is both amazingly wonderful and yet difficult at the same time. There are no set rules, there are no manuals, there are no master guides to show you everything you need to do every second of the day but that is also part of what will make your relationship with your baby unique and one of a kind. I know that I had no clue what to do with my daughter when I brought her home I had never even changed a diaper or babysat any kid before I had her but committing to do my best I could is all I can promise. every day is new, every day is different just go with the flow and always do what is best for your munchkin ..... to me that is what "being mom" is all about


Wow! I'm surprised ur husband married u after u told him u dont do anything around the house!


 

Heidi - posted on 11/09/2009

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I think SAH Moms tend to do a lot more than they normally would...I always feel guilty and I know that sounds silly..he works 12 hour days and I am home...We used to be 50/50 with everything, but bcuz of me satying home..I tend to do a lot more. Funny story..My BF asked why I always get up, take a shower and dress even if I am not going anywhere..she said she would stay in her PJ's all day. Its the guilt thing..if he came home and I was still in my jammies I would feel guilty. Weird I know!..Maybe I will do it this winter to see how it feels..snow day perhaps. I worked A LOT b4 we had the baby, I feel like sometimes I am not earning my keep..so I do everything.

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2009

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Oh yes and remember, just because you stay at home doesn't mean you have to run yourself ragged. I initially thought I had to be superwoman and was exhausted! There are days when I don't get everything on my list completed, there's no dinner on the table and laundry piled in the laundry room and the kids and I spent most of the day in our pajamas reading and watching movies. Enjoy being home with your children, they're only little once.

Denae - posted on 11/09/2009

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Moms have been asking these questions for years! I think it's different for each family. What works for my family may not work for yours. My kids are older (18 yrs & 13 yrs), so I have them help out because they are part of the family & the family helps each other out. When we were 1st married I did all the cleaning, cooking, childcare, etc. b/c he worked so much. Things have changed drastically for us in the last 7 yrs, as my health has steadily gotten worse. My husband does EVERYTHING now b/c I've been, for the most, part bed-ridden. Some days I can load the dishwasher, laundry or something small, but not always. I say all this b/c there will be times when one or the other will have to carry most of the load. My thought would be for you & your husband to find a few minutes (even if it's a few here & there!) and decide on who does what best. They need to contribute at home as well. In our 21 yrs of marriage, it's never been 50/50. Yes, you might become frusterated, exhausted, overworked. But communication is the key. Let him know you're having a rough time with something. Guys don't see things like we do, so we have to clue them in. (I don't mean that bad.) NO ONE'S house is every completely organized or cleaned. We have kids! So just give yourself some time to adjust & don't be too hard on yourself. Loving our kids & spending time with them is what they will remember when they are grown. Not that our houses are immaculate. You'll do fine!

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2009

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When we decided I would stay at home, we sat down and worked out what my "job responsibilities" would be. Prior to that we shared all inside and outside chores. We still share outside chores but I am responsible for the house. I do all of the cleaning, laundry and the majority of the cooking (he likes to cook so will cook dinner on nights he is home). I also do all of the checking and banking, grocery shopping, and take care of everyone's schedule. It doesn't seem like a lot but when you add in activities and playtime several times throughout the day with your children, it really is a pretty busy day.
You have to remember, if kids were at daycare they would have scheduled reading time, outside time, playtime, etc., and I try to incorporate them into our day also.
It's ultimately up to you and your husband to decide household responsibilities. Our just worked out this way because he does travel 20 days out of the month so asking him to do daily chores just isn't an option.

Riona - posted on 11/09/2009

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Before my husband and I got married even before we were dating I told him "I don't clean, I do not do dishes, I do not mop, dust, and I sure as hell don't do laundry, if you are ok with that then we just might work out." lucky for me he is a neat freak who loves to clean. When we had Juliana our daughter he asked me if I wouldn't mind taking over cleaning the kitchen because it was the only part of the house he didn’t seem to have time to get to and so that is my only real chore besides picking up after munchkin. Really it depends on your relationship and being able to define how much you can handle and having the ability to have an open and honest conversation to let him know how you feel about it and what you need help with.
The closest I think I can come to answering the "What is my job?" question is this. You are a mom someone who is now responsible for the care, education, and entire life of another human being. this is something that is both amazingly wonderful and yet difficult at the same time. There are no set rules, there are no manuals, there are no master guides to show you everything you need to do every second of the day but that is also part of what will make your relationship with your baby unique and one of a kind. I know that I had no clue what to do with my daughter when I brought her home I had never even changed a diaper or babysat any kid before I had her but committing to do my best I could is all I can promise. every day is new, every day is different just go with the flow and always do what is best for your munchkin ..... to me that is what "being mom" is all about

Brandy - posted on 11/09/2009

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It depends on whatever you and your husband agree on. I do almost everything that involves baby or house, but my husband is expected to clean up after himself (I'm not HIS mom, or maid!). I rarely ask him for help, so he knows that if I do, I really need it and he had better not argue.

Mary - posted on 11/09/2009

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I am a stay at home mom of three, and I do all the housework. My husband does not pitch in to help. He says since he's the only one bringing money in that it's my duty to clean house. He's no help at all around the house. he leaves his dirty clothes on the bedroom floor and his dirty socks on lliving room floor. So yeah im gonna have to say to you is that since u are a sah mom, its ur duty to clean house wash clothes, etc. oh and i also have to mow the lawn. cause he never does it.

Cheri - posted on 11/09/2009

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I am a stay at home mom of three, and yeah I do most of the housework, but I look at it as it is my job because my hubby is out there making the money. You can still find validation at home, knowing you provide a loving and stable home for your family that no amount of money could replicate.

Sherry - posted on 11/09/2009

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Amy, it is kind of your responsibility to do "everything" since your man is at work all day. I get up with my 3 yr old, feed her, clean my kitchen, do laundry, make all the beds, vacuum...whatever NEEDS to be done. Some days I don't do a thing...well, I do dishes & take care of the kids but I DEF have "bum days"!! As all moms deserve one or two! By no means should you be cleaning 24/7.
Enjoy being at home a little. I live in the woods so I also help my man by burning leaves & doing yard work & usually my 3 yr old loves to help.
I am a clean freak by nature...it's just a given! lol. But, just because one mom is that way, doesn't mean you have to be! I would say....def do what you would expect to bdone if your husband was the one staying at home....goodluck! ;)

Natasha - posted on 11/08/2009

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I think every family is different but my husband and i have an understanding that i care for our son during the day and keep the house clean (if i have time) do the shopping and i cook dinner too. My husband works for the money. On the weekends we do most things together. As for waking up at night its always my job i would never make my husband get up when he has to work the next day. My son still sleeps lots during the day so if i need it i can have a rest then.

[deleted account]

Hi, as a first time SAHM, I saw my primary job at meeting the needs of my son, and making sure he has everything he needs, if after all of that there is time (and energy) to clean I do that. It's stay at home mum, not stay at home maid. My husband understands this, and of things aren't done we often do them together when he gets home.

April - posted on 11/07/2009

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i think house cleaning should be a shared responsibility. and you need to discuss with your husband how to divide the labor. if you do it all, he will come to expect that. then when you need help, you will get to a point where you will have to ask him. he won't just do it because he notices that you need help.

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