What is the perfect time gap between kids?

Isa - posted on 08/13/2009 ( 62 moms have responded )

26

25

1

I have a one year old son and I've heard so many different theories on this. I'm curious to hear what you think. How many years should you wait to have another child?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Darci - posted on 08/24/2009

163

9

19

My oldest (daughter) is 3 years 8 months. My second (son) is 15 1/2 months younger at 2 years 5 months. And my baby (daughter) is 3 months 2 weeks; #2 and #3 are about 2 years 2 months apart. We are planning to have one more (I'm placing an order for another boy, but I don't think it really works that way) within about 2 years. We planned to have the first 2 close together, but not quite that close. But, if I could go back and do it that way all over again, I would. I love the fact that my oldest two (daughter & son) are such good friends right now and play very well together. They entertain each other very well. It really makes my job easier. I get to be the mom, but don't have to be the playmate ALL the time. As others have said, do what is right for you, but I love having them close together. My pregnancies have never been easy, but we all survive.

Heather - posted on 08/18/2009

4

4

0

including pregnancy 2 1/2 yrs, that way it gives you a little break and the children will still go to school together.,and thats important!

Angela - posted on 08/17/2009

1

1

0

What ever feels right to you. Once your in a routine, it may take months or years. Mine are all 4-5yrs apart, not planned that way, just nature & health. When I was younger, I thought they were to spaced out, but now I think it worked out well. Older ones are great pals, daughter is with me or her pals most of the time. So go for it when it suits your family.

Christa - posted on 08/16/2009

583

80

45

Honestly, you should talk to your doctor is you really want a great answer. I know I was told once that it takes a woman's body 24 months to recover fully from a pregnancy. I am sure it is a little different for every woman. I have five children....we practice natural family planning and it just so happens that are chidren are approx 24 months apart. 10, 3 months shy of 8, 4 1/2, 2 months shy of 3 and 16 months. I had a miscarriage between baby 2 and baby 3. Physically I would say 24 months...but you have to take into consideration how much you can handle mentality and financially as well. Pray about it....you'll know when the timing is right.

Rachel - posted on 08/13/2009

8

10

0

Ok so there is no perfect time gap mine are all over the place but I suggest get one out of diapers before you have another

62 Comments

View replies by

Sasha - posted on 06/21/2011

16

3

1

For me I'm waiting until my daughter is at least 2 1/2 to try for the next baby. She will be 3+ years when the baby is actually born. She will be potty trained (which will be a plus because I don't want to change 2 diapers), and she will be old enough to understand a little about babies (not where they come from though lol) she can be mommy's big helper. She can grab me bottles out of the fridge or diapers from the shelf etc! She'll be that age where she WANTS to be mommys little helper. And I think 3years is a nice age gab. Not to short (like 1-1 1/2yrs apart) and not too long (5-6 years apart) JUST RIGHT! =)

Kellie - posted on 06/21/2011

1,994

8

175

Erin, this thread is 2 years old. I doubt the original poster cares anymore LOL silly pop ups!

Erin - posted on 06/21/2011

14

0

0

Daughters 22 months apart - son 4.5 years after 2nd daughter. There isn't a "Perfect" gap. Whenever you are ready to tackle all of the needs and wants of another baby plus the needs and wants of your current family is when the time is right.

Chrissy - posted on 08/29/2009

26

9

2

My son turned four and 2 months later we had our 2nd son. I didn't plan it, I wanted another baby sooner but had given up...ANYWAYS, It was perfect. My 4 year old was instantly in love and protective of the baby. The baby can't cry without him racing to console him :) Also, with a 2nd c section it was nice that my 4 year old was at school during the day so I got some time to rest. Also another plus was having alone time with the baby for a few months before summer vacation. It made me feel good that I got to give him all that one on one I gave my 1st baby :) Whatever you think you can handle and when you are ready you should go for it

Lisa - posted on 08/27/2009

5

33

0

When you feel ready I think. My daughter is 4 years old, and is starting to ask for a brother or sister, but we won't be having another for a few years yet. My partner and I are young parents and we don't feel ready for another child just yet.

[deleted account]

I waited 5 years between children. I read somewhere that intellectually, it is the best age gap for kids. I waited that long because I was too afraid to have another after having a C-section with the first. It took me that long to get up the courage to try again. My kids play together all the time and are best friends. I would follow your heart and have another child when you feel ready.

Kathy G.

Kelley - posted on 08/27/2009

2

26

0

My kids are 11 months apart. However I believe after seeing my friends have kids that 18 months is perfect. I dont think jealousy is a problem and they can still play by themselves while you are going through that tired part of your pregnancy! I love my kids 11 months apart but dont like that they will FOR SURE be next to eachother in grades.

Amy - posted on 08/27/2009

10

17

1

I definitely think it is more of a personal decision rather than the "right" time or age gap. My first two are boys and they are 2 1/2 years apart and I feel like I should have waited and gave my first more time with me before bringing on another sibling. But my last baby was a girl and the kids are now 8, 5, and 6months. The boys are wonderful with my daughter and so helpful. She loves kids and lights up when they are around. I prefer the age gap versus them being close in age, with my experience. But like someone else said, you need to do whats best for your family. Goodluck!

Lindsey - posted on 08/26/2009

9

1

0

I got pregnant with my 2nd when my 1st was 6 months old and the pregnant with my 3rd when my 2nd was 9 months old. I presonaly enjoy having them close in age. Ive always said that if im still doing diapers, I dont mind having another ... if im done with diapers then I want to be done (having kids). I also like how they will be able to enjoy the same toys ... that way I dont have to keep something in storage forever or buy new things all together. It really does depend on what your and your partners view on everything is. I just like knowing that they can all have similar intrests as they get older (but I try not to think about cars and college, lol).

Sadie - posted on 08/26/2009

18

6

2

I have a two and a half year old and a five month old. When the baby was born I thought I made a mistake-because my older one had a hard time, but last night they were laughing so hard at eachother in the tub, that I knew having them close was the right thing. They are friends, it is awesome!!

Dorothy - posted on 08/26/2009

9

16

0

I can't speak for anyone else but my kids are 18m apart and it worked great for me. She was still young enough that there wasn't really sibling rivalry and she LOVES helping with her lil brother. And they are still close enough in age that they can play together now that they are older without feeling like she is playing with a "lil kid" or I worry about him with her "older" friends when they become teens. I still had all of her nuetral baby clothes (we didn't know what we were having with her) so I didn't have to buy new stuff for a LONG time.

Lauren - posted on 08/25/2009

9

14

0

I love the way my family has worked out. I have a 3yo, an almost 2yo & a 3mo. But it is not for everyone & I have no idea if I would have had the same gap if I'd married younger or a different man. I hope God gives you great joy through your family. However, it turns out.

Lydia - posted on 08/25/2009

48

24

7

Just like most of the mother I will say 2-3 yrs apart....My sister had two children with a gap of 11 months from her first marriage and they are tight...after years alone she found a good man and had baby the gap between the first sibblings and the new baby was 9 yrs. So she basically started over....and her first children love the baby but have different needs and wants so now the baby is now two and with no one to play with. So the closer the better not only for baby but also for you

Alicia - posted on 08/25/2009

278

0

50

A question I am wondering about...I always thought 2 years would be perfect, but nature seems to have another idea for my family! I am trying to get used to the idea that my kids, if I have more, won't be 2 years apart. Really, I have examples of families w/ all sorts of gaps and each one seems great! Some super close--which is tough at first but great as they get older. Some 4 years apart--a great way to get to "start over" and really enjoy so much time w/ the first and then get to do it all again!! Some 7 years apart--and it is the sweetest thing to see a 9 yr old brother caring for his little sister, holding her hand and how she relies on him. so I think, there isn't a right answer and it will work out for each family exactly how it should!!

Erica - posted on 08/24/2009

26

9

2

Well it's really up to you thou. I have a daughter of 6 and my son is 2 1/2 and i'm expecting my third in february. I felt like having a gap of 3years as i wanted my first child to be independant before i had my second. As i have no family around to help out with babysitting etc it worked well for me. When i gave birth to my 2nd child my first one was almost finishing nursery school so i had the mornings to relax and have one to ones with my son(baby) and as i've stopped work i decided to have another one when my 2nd turned 2. So i feel more in control as the gap does help me,my son(my 2nd) is also very independant and when i give birth he will start nursery as well.
It's good to know yourself and find out if you would be able to cope well with having like a gap of 1or2years between your children,i recently read thou that it's better for your body to wait at least two years before staring with another pregnancy so you can as well ask your doctors opinion on this. Hope i was helpfull.x

Lauren - posted on 08/24/2009

12

7

1

I'm waiting 5 years. My goal is to get a degree and a good work, save up enough money so my husband and I do not have to struggle when I stop working.

Minnie - posted on 08/24/2009

7,076

9

788

In a natural, ideal situation, the child would be breastfed with unrestricted, frequent access to the breast for several years (until the child chose to self-wean). Under these circumstances, in traditional societies, mothers typically become pregnant about every four years.



That seems to be the ideal, natural course of child spacing, for mother's and baby's health, and the older child's emotional well-being.

User - posted on 08/24/2009

3

21

0

i have a 19 month old and a 4 month old. My day is extremely hectic and sometimes i feel like my oldest isn't getting enough attention. They are 2 close in age. I think 3 years apart is perfect

Melissa - posted on 08/24/2009

104

46

9

2-3 years is good. i wanna have my 2nd when my son is 2 but my fiancee wants a 5 yr gap.

Patricia - posted on 08/24/2009

27

53

5

I had mine 2 1/2 years apart, and I think it's a perfect gap. We started trying when my first was 1, but it didn't happen until later. I think it also depends on the person.

Tricia - posted on 08/21/2009

14

62

2

I say three years. I have a 3 yr old and a 1 year old and they are just a little to close.

Angelique - posted on 08/20/2009

5

14

0

I think 2 years is good, but some people think that having them further apart is best. I have two friends whose kids are about 4-5 years apart and they swear its the best. But I really liked the way my kids played together when they were small. They have grown apart now, but mostly because one is a boy and the other is a girl. When one child left a stage, the other was going into it, so it seemed very continuous. by the time my eldest was 4.5 and my youngest was 2.5, I was done potty training and both kids were great self feeders and I was actually able to go to the bathroom by myself. They played well together until my daughter reached about 6 or 7 and then the differences between became very apparent. Boys are definitely different creatures than girls! Any way,m that's my opinion on the subject.

Arwen - posted on 08/19/2009

350

12

31

I like a 3 year time difference, but I think I'll wait till my daughter is 5 before I have my next. She'll be in school, and that will give me more time to get things done!

Audra - posted on 08/17/2009

5

11

0

It's up to you! My 1st brother and I are 4 years apart and fought like cats and dogs growing up; (though we're friends now.) And my 2 youngest brothers are 14 months apart and are STILL almost inseperable. Though I have 2 boys that are 22 1/2 months apart and fight - but are good friends. (It's a love/hate relationship.) All in all, it doesn't seem to really matter much. I would say not 14-16 years apart - I hardly know my younger brothers.

Kerri - posted on 08/17/2009

4

7

0

My kids are 2 yrs apart ages 6, 8 and 10 now. I would recommend the 2 yrs! They were good when the next baby was born with very little jealousy issues and a child at 2 yrs is alittle easier to deal with when having a new baby. I found it was "terrible" 3s not 2s so I wouldn't wait until 3!! I like it now with the 2 yrs spans since then my kids are never put in a class together when there is a split class eg..grade 4/5 etc... I also like that in sports they never are on the same team...so then one child is not making the travelling rep team while the other is cut etc... this would cause issues I'm sure! This way they have their own class, own team etc... and have more space from each other and their own individuality!! I know ther are benifits of them being together too (less travelling) but I like the way we have it. ONE thing I would recommend is not having an odd number of kids; they don't really fight much more/less it just always seems that someone is by themselves playing and not really included...it is never the same child just seems always someone left out. BUT I have left too big of a span for me now and will stick with my 3!!! LOL

Hope this helps,

Kerri

User - posted on 08/17/2009

1

5

0

I think 3 years is ideal. The 3 yr old is off the lap, potty trained, and ready to play somewhat independently. This gives you the time you will need to sleep through the night during pregnancy, and when the baby is born you will be able to focus on developing a bond. And finally, 3 years apart will keep the kiddos close enough that they will develop a nice bond themselves.

Doina - posted on 08/17/2009

3

14

0

this is actually a great question...I was wondering that myself..I have a 5 1/2 month old baby girl and I know I want more..just don't know when,since I want to be able to enjoy her as much as I can,and I also don't want it to be too stressful either..

[deleted account]

2 1/2 years as the child will be potty trained and only one in diapers. Also they are closer in age and get along much better.

Natalie - posted on 08/16/2009

137

14

9

Hi,



My girls are 1year and 9 days apart in age.I love it but its not for everyone.Where as my sister has four girls...10,8,3 and 16months.Shes foudn the nig age gap hard.

Its all up to each individual and your circumstances :)

Adrienne - posted on 08/16/2009

7

7

0

That's a funny question. My family is inundated w/ twins! My mom is, my paternal grandmother is, my sister had twins, & my mother-in-law is, too. You should have more when you both agree. What do you expect would make the difference? If waiting longer gives you some sort of break? If having another too soon would increase your stress? Having another child at any time will not avoid a thing! I regret being unable to have more. I'm not bitter about it, just accepting of the reality and happily raising our only son. We married at 31...tried for 6 years...gave birth at 37...now he's 4 (& autistic). I know several moms who have children back to back & then an 11 - 12 year gap between their 3rd & 4th child (yes, the surprise child). The joy doesn't change nor does the challenge! It's time to have another one when YOU TWO decide it's time.

Michelle - posted on 08/16/2009

3

11

0

I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old and so far, 2 years is a good gap to have between the two.

Rachel - posted on 08/16/2009

50

16

2

some people like to keep it at least two years, but keep in mind the longer you spread your kids out the longer you will have kids around before they are the age where they are ready to move out. A lot of people think my Mom is crazy because she had 5 kids in 10 years, but that means that my oldest brother will be 30 when my youngest brother will be 20 and just moving out. So, my Mom will have spent 30 years with children at home. Some mothers with the same amount of children are quite far into their senior years before their youngest children are ready to move out.

Maureen - posted on 08/16/2009

5

20

0

In my opinion, the perfect time gap between kids is 2-3 years apart. The older child will be old enough to not want the same toys as the younger one and to understand the concept of "big sister/brother" (thus making your older child help you out); and young enough to share interests with the younger one. :D

Jana - posted on 08/15/2009

6

7

0

I don't know I will give you a better answer in about 4 months when our second one gets here they will be 19 months apart?

Erica - posted on 08/15/2009

68

20

2

All 3 of my kids are 4 yrs apart...I get one potty trained and starting preschool and the next one follows shortly after, they are now 11 7 and almost 3 and the 11 yr old helps alot with the 3 yr old. I thought about having my last 2 closer together but Im satisfied with the space between them :-)

Kelly - posted on 08/15/2009

629

1

51

We had boy #1, then 26 months later, boy #2, which was wonderful. They are now 17 and 15, and are and have always been the best of buddies. They have almost always shared a bedroom, and just get along beautifully. Eight years later came #3, a girl, and the boys spoiled her rotten and were a huge help. Four years later came #4, another girl. She is now 3, and all three big siblings are great with her; the boys never run out of patience with "the baby", and are wonderful babysitters and big buddies. People comment all the time on what great dads they will be some day. I think that any distance between kids has its advantages, and I actually think that the more kids you have, the less selfish and "spoiled" they are. They learn so much about patience, and sharing, and kindness and nurturing, by having siblings, no matter what age and sex.

Kerri - posted on 08/15/2009

28

4

0

i waited 4 years good age gap my 4 year old loves helping out.i dont think i could handle having two similar ages where they depend on you more?

Kathryn - posted on 08/15/2009

10

11

0

i always wanted to have them close together, but i think it depends on personal views, i am really enjoying my 5 month old and cant imagine another one just yet. i am looking forward to watching her grow and dont want to share her just yet.

Kristin - posted on 08/15/2009

10

21

1

I really think it depends on the person, My 3 kids are all almost exactly 2 years apart and i love it wouldnt want it any other way (of course i am pregnant now with baby #4 and my youngest will be 5 when baby comes but i have had 2 miscarriages between my youngest child and this pregnancy and my husband deployed twice to Iraq) But my sisters 3 oldest kids are 6-7 years apart and she loves having the big age gap.....

Amber - posted on 08/14/2009

13

9

0

Don't worry about how long you 'should' wait, and figure out what seems right for you. Consider your health, habits, and finances. Listen to your heart but be realistic as well. You'll figure it out.



My son is 9 years older than my daughter, and that is pretty perfect for me and my circumstances. He is a wonderful older brother, was old enough to be very helpful, and was starting to become alot more independent right about the time she was born so he was not jealous a bit. Sometimes he is even more protective of her and apt to spoil her than I am!



Some women like to have children close together, and I see lots of benefits to that. Others prefer a little more time between children. IMO it is a personal issue that varies from mom to mom.



There are ten years between my sister and I and we are as close as sisters can be and always have been. I had one child and my husband had four when we met, he is quite a bit older than I so the age range of our children combined range from 2-27. His first three are fairly close in age, 27,23,and 21. They are very close. His third child from a second marriage is about to turn 10, she is also close to her older siblings as well as my children. My son is about to turn 12 and my daughter is 2 1/2. Despite the varying ages, they all love each other and are close. In fact on Mother's Day I had all 6 of my(our) children with me for a portion of the day. What works in our family may not work in others.

Sonia - posted on 08/14/2009

4

11

0

My husband and I are wrestling with the same question, but I'm beginning to agree with those who say there is no perfect answer. It depends so much on personalities and factors beyond your control. I have a sister who is 10 years older than I am, and we are incredibly close now. I know others with a two or three year time-gap with their siblings and they don't get along. You never know. Quite honestly, even thinking about being pregnant again now with a one-year-old is exhausting!

Gina - posted on 08/14/2009

44

18

0

I really don't think there is an answer, I think it depends on what you can handle. i couldn't handle them 2 years apart, mine are 4 years apart and I think this is just great. They are great friends and I got to really enjoy each one fully as a baby and toddler. Second one is great cos you get to notice how cute they are without worrying so much about how much youcould be stuffing up.

Jo - posted on 08/14/2009

5

6

1

Isa, I have three boys one turning 14, 9 and 2. I never planned it that way; had a miscarriage in between the older two and the little one came as a surprise with new partner. I really don't believe there is any magic formula for having a perfect family without rivalry or any way of making sure they are close. No matter what their ages, each stage comes with its own challenges. As far as rivalry goes, I think its all about how you handle it and what you teach them.

I have found the age gap of mine easy cheesy, the older ones dote on the younger ones and are a great help! I also have two step children that don't live with us but my 15 yr old stepdaughter visits regularly.

I think if you want more children have them when you feel fit healthy and ready and the rest works itself out - sometimes we plan every detail and then it all goes pear shaped and not how we plan it - that's what happened to me anyway! My kids adore each other, are very close and also fight like cat and dog at times!!

[deleted account]

I have 4 and one on the way. They range from 7 to 15 months old right now. My first 2 are 2 yrs 9 months apart. The oldest adjusted well and they have a very good friendship right now at 7 and 4. My 2nd and 3rd are 23 months apart. I love it. My 3rd and 4th are 15 months apart. I love it, too. It can be hard to juggle two babies at different stages though. Throw in another pregnancy and you can be exhausted! The 4th and 5th baby will be about 16 -17 months apart depending on when baby decides to arrive. I realize that your body really needs a good healing time in between babies. For mommy I would suggest not getting pregnant any earlier than a year after baby. After that it just depends on your family. Talk with your hubby and pray. You will know when it is time for the next. Good luck.

User - posted on 08/14/2009

2

0

0

Mine are 17 months apart. I got pregnant when my son was 9 months old, on purpose! I love it and realize it was one of the best decisions ever. Right now they are 5and 4 years old and its perfect. When she was born he was only 17 months old so it really was no big deal to him. You can get use to anything in about a week. Its really depends on your personality. My best friend did the same thing and we always say how glad we are that we had them so close because both of our children are really close with their sibblings. Just make sure the oldest one never gets held back in school or they'll be in the same grade(depending on their b-days)haha Go for it!!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms