what is the problem with porn?

Cleaver - posted on 01/30/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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i see alot of people complainning about their significant other watching porn. so does mine i think they all do its normal and even healthy.my only problem is that hes too open about it. i even have fun looking up weird things to freak him out (he thinks i watch it). i want to know the other side about whats wrong with it

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Tracy - posted on 02/01/2013

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Some of the issues that arise are:

using it as a replacement for real sex in a loving relationship. porn certainly doesn't reflect loving relationships 99% of the time and can therefore skew the way someone sees the role of sex in a relationship. Such as instead of being an expression of intimacy, it can be seen as a weapon, an expectation, etc...

women are definitely treated as objects and less than human in most porn. they are something that is USED, a prop, if you will. their humanity, their desires, their likes and dislikes, are usually all non-existent in porn. So, like the reason above, it can skew the way women are viewed. Men can see women as an object to satisfy themselves with while women can believe that is their role and nothing more. women in porn NEVER say no (unless its rape fetish porn) so both men and women can come to believe that no isn't an option. this is very dangerous for BOTH sides to come to believe/expect that no isn't a valid option.

now for this point I am about to make, I will state that I am not religious at all so my viewpoint isn't highly influenced from religion. that being said, any "morality" is removed from porn by displaying multiple partners and casual sex (mailman, pizza boy, pool man, whatever). This part is much more subjective depending on your beliefs, but most people would agree that high numbers of sexual partners isn't a good situation - even if it's just about protecting health and not socially accepted norms/morality. "actors" in the porn industry are supposed to be closely monitored to prevent the spread of diseases. but that's all behind the scenes and isn't stressed for those who may follow examples of multiple partners.

unrealistic expectations. most porn is not reflective of real bodies (unaltered) nor real situations or even relationships. women's bodies in particular. boob jobs, nip and tucked bellies as well as vaginas. hairless to make them all look young (another problem there, the YOUTH fetish). the sex is staged and dramatic (way over the top). this can create letdowns when real sex is involved. which, by extension, may cause relationship troubles because one or both parties feels that the sex isn't "good". this disconnect can come back to the first reason listed - replacement for real sex in a loving relationship.

Those are just SOME of the reasons why porn can be so damaging. It can be used as an exciting tool for couples to learn and grow TOGETHER, but even then you need to be careful to not take it too seriously. couples can learn new tricks or whatnot. just be careful to not get to a point where the couple NEEDS that visual stimulation in order to feel intimate with each other.

Tracy - posted on 02/01/2013

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erotica, or even porn for females, is usually a little better although it still develops unrealistic expectations. it, at least, kind of demonstrates relationships no matter how overly dramatized. and erotica usually lets you use the imagination for images and whatnot despite descriptions of exaggerated body types.

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Cleaver - posted on 02/02/2013

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omg i know its everywhere well my big problem was easily solved i sat down with him and told him and i do not care if he watches porn i only want him to be discrete i want to think he doesnt watch it. he found that reasonable so started to close it but i am his first and only GF so he wasnt used to that

Sal - posted on 02/02/2013

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When it is part of a healthy sexual relationship it's ok when it is taking the place of that or interfering with that is not ok... The only problem I find is that it is just soooo accessible and that I feel is taking it out of the occationanal kinky night to an every time crutch or substitute for some people

Cleaver - posted on 02/01/2013

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i totally get that but at the same time there are worse things then a man watching porn...
i mean i have read erotica isn't that as bad? its stimulation not in the same form and its not degrading (i am not denying how degrading porn is) but it still is...

Cleaver - posted on 01/31/2013

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well my husband does sometimes think that porn is real life so that gets annoying (hes never been with anyone but me) he doesn't cheat on me (sometimes it might be better if he did with how high his sex drive is and how low mine is)

Sarah - posted on 01/30/2013

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I am like you. I have watched porn before, but don't usually do so now that I have kids. I know my husband does on occasion, but I really could care less. I know some think that is demoralizes women and others think that if they want sex then they should get it from their spouse/BF/GF. Some think that it is cheating if they watch porn. I just don't really care if my hubby watches it or not. I know if he wants the good stuff he will come to me. :)

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