What is your Role as SAHM?

Casey - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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This is a very interesting question to me because there are so many answers to it. I think just knowing your role as a SAHM, but understanding it. This goes for the rest of the family.

For me, my role is to make sure the house runs. The bills are paid, use is clean, laundry is done and the my husband has clean clothes for the entire week. Breakfast is cooked and served everyday whatever it may be. I also make lunches for my husband and son as well as have dinner on the table every evening Because we are on a single income, ordering out is very limited. I also take care of the yardwork and anything that the house may need attending to. I do lessons with my daughter everyday as well to make sure that she will be ready for Kindergarten in a couple years. As many of you know, I am not limited to the above.

I have heard many SAHM tell me that my husband should help out. My husband does help out when needed. He makes sure that I get time to myself whenever I need it. Most of the time on the weekends. I like having everything done so when the weekend comes, that is the time we spend as a family. If was was lacks on any of the above, then that would take time away from "family time". Well, that is my opinion. My husbands role is to go to work and bring home a living. His time is spent in the evenings playing with the kids. This could be outside in the backyard playing catch or swinging my daughter or wrestling with my son in the house. He does homework with them at times. We are a team and I feel that we have a good set up.

What about you? I think this is a good eye opener for our community. I am always looking for easier or better yet, a more effiecent way of doing things.

Cheers

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Kristin - posted on 04/30/2010

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My job as a SAHM is to be mom. I play with, read to, drive to school, feed, cloth, clean as needed the kids. If I have moments when they don't need me, I take care of stuff around the house.

However, my husband is NOT one of my kids and can make his own lunch. I am 35+ weeks pregnant with our third child and our two boys kind of really like having dad make breakfast during the week. Yes, it is cold cereal, toaster waffles, or instant oatmeal but it's 1 on 1-ish time with dad for them. I do a bigger breakfast on the weekend.

I do the laundry and the dishes, because I have some very OCD tendencies about these and have the time to toss in a load here and there. I do the bathroom because if I left it to my husband, it might kill us all before he got to it. He will sweep and vacuum if it needs it. He takes care of the outside stuff; lawn mowing, raking, etc.. Yes, he works, but I could do that too. We have me at home because it seemed assinine to pay someone else to play with our kids and miss all those firsts. But, I also intend to go back out into the world (school or work) when all of our kids are in all-day school.

If my husband needs something, he asks and I do what I can to accomodate. When I need something, I ask and he does what he can to accomodate. But, we both are responsible for household chores and for a lot of the parenting. I didn't marry him for his financial support so I could be a single-ish parent.

But, this works for us.

Kellie - posted on 04/30/2010

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In a lot of way I am so lucky, I have an 11yr old son who is extreamly helpful so he does take some of the pressure off when things are hectic. My hubby helps around the house but mainly in the yard.

A friend an I compiled a list of occupations that should go on all SAHM's resumes it was kinda funny seeing how many different things we do in a day and all my working friends think I have an easy life well so far I am the
cook
cleaner
teacher's aide
nurse
washing and ironing lady
mediator
events planner/party host
CEO
financial planner
book keeper
handy person
motivational speaker
and the list goes on. Thinking about my life like this helps me to not take myself too seriously and keep the depression monster at bay because it looks like a bunch of little jobs instead of one overwhelming life.

I love being an at home mum but I do miss the social aspect of working so I try and get out of the house for a couple of hours a week to have some down time.

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Jessica - posted on 05/04/2010

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i think it would be easier to just list the things i dont do, cuz that list tends to be much shorter. i dont do the yard work, take out the trash, or cook dinner. everything else is mine. i wouldnt want my boyfriend to do anything more than that or myself to do anything less. i sometimes actually feel like what i do is not enough, even tho i know my job takes a lot more time and effort then his does. but seeing as how he has to pay for everything and wake up extremely early 5 days a week to go do something he doesnt want to do, i refuse to ask him for help if i need it, and i refuse the help most of the time when he offers. i feel lucky to be able to stay home with my daughter day in and day out, even if it is exhausting at times cuz she is only five months and still takes a rather large amount of work. i also feel bad that he has to work and misses out on alot of stuff. so i try to make up for it by keeping the house as clean as is possible, and the baby as happy as is possible(which is quite a task since she is teething).

Rose - posted on 05/04/2010

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My role as a stay at home mom is.... 100% everything inside the house 100% money choices... 85% everything with our daughter... my husband does 100% everything outside the house such as working, yard. It works for us great since Im a clean freak and I like things my way.. I was even like this when I worked before having our daughter I did everything in the house. My husband helps out in the evenings or if i have something to do on the weekend is makes it his job to do something fun with our daughter. But he travels with his work and sometimes is gone a week to a few. I love doing everything for my family and making sure they are taken care of .

Dara - posted on 05/03/2010

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I have fallen in to this place where I don't want to do anything. I do much prefer a clean tidy house, everything done and put away. But we've been living in the dining room/kitchen/nursery/laundry room of my father-in-laws (long story) for a year this past March and I just can't take it! It's so much harder to keep things clean and in their place when there just isn't enough room. It's so frustrating on so many different levels! I love a clean house but hate spending all day cleaning as opposed to hanging out with my daughters. And the enviroment is in no way effecient. Which is completely nerveracking! Ugh. You guys may have no idea where I'm coming from with this but I just had to get it out.

Casey - posted on 04/30/2010

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My husband would make breakfast, but I usually beat him to it. I really don't mind. I have a little control issue, plus I am up. He usually cooks lunch either on Saturday or Sunday depending what I have bought. I just do most of it during the week.

35 weeks pregnant? Congratulations. I love hearing these stories because it confirms that even though there are less of SAHM, there are some still out there. It is nice. :)

Smiles

Medic - posted on 04/30/2010

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Hmmm wow I am really feeling lucky because my husband and I both feel that it is in no way my JOB to keep the house that he uses too and I work just as hard as he does so when he gets home he is not off till everything is done and the kids are in bed. But then again he is military so he is gone more often than not. So when he is home this is how it goes breakfast is cereal unless its taco Saturdays or Pancake Sundays I only make pancakes, more often than not my husband cooks and does the dishes, he does the laundry I fold it and put it away, he does the hanging and put its away, I clean the bathrooms, he does all the floors, my son picks up his room and his toys throughout the house, and I tend to empty the dishwasher if he decided to load it instead of washing by hand and he does yard work because I don't care about the yard. He likes to bathe our son because they have more fun making a mess and I get him dressed and ready for bed and its the same for our daughter. Sometimes I think because he is gone so often he likes doing the simple things when he is home. Part of me feels sorry for those of you who measure your worth by your JOB as a house wife...I really don't like staying home as I love to work but its the best for our kids at the moment.

Casey - posted on 04/30/2010

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My hubby does give our eldest a bath or shower; which ever Alex feels like that evening. (ha) I do the yardwork mostly because I enjoy it. Plus, my husband does not bag the grass. (haa ha) I have my quirks. However, I might sing a different toon if I had over an acre. I think that I feel that I do what I do because it is like "my job". I am home all day, so why not do the laundry, dishes, dinners and more. Of course, when people ask, what is the difference of me staying home and working. I always respond...the going to work. It works though. My husband and I are on the same page of life. :) Thanks for sharing all your stories. It is interesting there are so many different angles, but with the same conclusion...doing it for the family. :)

Cheers!

[deleted account]

Well I take care of our 15 month old and our 3 yr old everyday, hubby will help when he gets home from work. I cook and clean with some help from him as well. He pays the bills but then again, I don't really see any of that money but if I do need anything he will get it for me. We don't have a yard being we live in a apt. Plus I study at home. I am mostly at the house 80% of the time with the kids. Plus I am growing a little bundle of joy right now. He is due Sept 19th.

Heather - posted on 04/30/2010

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Wow!! I'm feeling so much better about my role as as SAHM right now! I do all that is mentioned above including most yard work and all household chores. Occasionally my husband will help with some clean up or with the kids bed and bath time when he is home. He works a swing shift and is usually not home until after midnight and up at about 11am so most of my time except for days off is spent with just my kids. I have other SAHM's in my area that actually cannot believe all I do for my husband and all I "let him get away with". My answer is that we made a family plan and that includes some sacrifices both financially and personally. Thank you all so much for all the encouragement and for all you do!!

Christy - posted on 04/30/2010

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I believe I do 95% of the work in the home. However, I do ask my husband to help with yard work (We have over an acre) and one night a week he has to do the dishes. He also gives my oldest child a bath while I bath the baby in the kitchen sink. So he doesn't do much, but he would like to do less : )

Morgan - posted on 04/30/2010

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I agree with lliana I do all those things and more but I expect my Hubby to help and he will with no complaints.
he does the dishes I cook, he does all the laundry and all the yard work. he gets up with our daughter through the night and in the morning on saturdays, but he enjoys doing it, and I love sleeping in :) I also agree that when my hubby helps me it makes me feel so much better about all the things i do, any man who comes home to a meal a clean home and happy children is a lucky one :)

Alina - posted on 04/30/2010

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I do all the things Casey mentioned above plus some, like she said, and what I feel to be the most important: I set the environment in our home. I have to pray and read my Bible so I follow God's plan for our family, teach our children about Him and cover my husband in prayer every day. It sets a peaceful atmosphere in our home. Without God I can't do all that needs to be done, and do it with the right attitude and a spirit of joy. As we all know, our jobs as SAHMs can get a bit overwhelming, but with God all things are possible! I meditate on God's Word, I talk to Him about everything! God gives me "inside information" on what my husband and children need, to the point where I know my husband's mood and what he needs before He walks through the door. Also, because the Bible says to do all things decently and in order, I apply that Scripture to the work I do at home, and whether or not I get thanks or appreciation from my family, I know God is pleased because I did what He told me to do.

Iliana - posted on 04/30/2010

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I agree with you somewhat. Life for me is pretty much like you described in your first paragraph. I do dinners, lunches, get clothes ready for the next day, clean and organize the house. I pay bills and run budget/finances. I keep track of homework and help kids with areas they're struggling in. I don't make breakfast very often though. My husband drops the kids off most days at their bus stop so he's up with them at 6am and makes their breakfast. I volunteer quite a bit at my kids school for several hours a week plus other times where requested. I don't have a huge circle of friends but find time for those who I'm close to.

My husband is expected to help out more than yours I guess. I hate doing dishes so I cook he cleans up after me and dinner. Laundry, I wash he puts away. Yard work is 50/50. I tend to the garden and he does the lawn. I do the 2 1/2 bathrooms because he refuses to. We also try to keep weekends free although we run some weekend activities for kids. Swim lessons, Kung fu, soccer on weekdays. Particularly in spring months. I think a husband that has to provide for a stay at home mother (meaning you have a family plan that this is your lifestyle) should come home to meals, and a clean home. That, however, should not limit them to how many chores they do. It takes the stress off when my husband does the chores I don't like doing and makes me feel better about the ones I do. Because no likes to do those yucky chores.

Anyways, that's what life of a SAHM means for me. I think some of us do more in some ways than others. I think what ever works for the family without any resentment from one partner or the other is what is meant to happen in your household. Everyone runs things just a bit different.

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