What more can I do?

Estie - posted on 11/30/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Me and my boyfriend have a 3month old little girl... I take care of her during the day and at night when she wakes up I have to get up to give her a bottle, change her nappy or give her whatever she needs. Whenever I ask my boyfriend to take over for a minute or two he tells me that he is the one bringing in the money so I should get off my ass and take care of the baby because I sit at home all day doing nothing. What more can I do to make him happy and give our baby the care she needs. Is it wrong of me to want him to help me with the baby at night?

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Jane - posted on 12/03/2009

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you're parents. it's a two person deal. if she's on a bottle, he needs to take care of her at night. besides, he needs time w/her too. babies have a mom and a dad for a reason, they need both.
maybe you should sit at home all day and actually do nothing, no cleaning, no cooking, no laundry, don't pay the bills. see if he likes you doing nothing and how it affects your family.

Rebecca - posted on 12/02/2009

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The way he speaks to you is absolutely disgusting. And like every single other stay at home mum (or dad), I understand that your job is 24/7 and you definitely don't sit around doing nothing all day. You need to address the way he speaks to you first and foremost, it is utterly disrespectful and out of line.



About getting up at night, I do think that the stay at home parent should be the one to get up and feed/change/settle the baby in the night. This is the way we have done it (and everyone else I know actually) and I think it is fair. My partner helps me out alot when he gets home from work and on the weekends, but I'm the one that got up and did the night duty when our daughter was younger and I think that's the way it should have been.



Good luck, I hope he changes, or you can make a better life for yourself and your lovely daughter, you deserve it!



Bec :)

[deleted account]

OMG, my husband tried to do this to me when our son was a new born. In the end I didn't do anything for a day, my sons need were the only thing done. When he got him he said OMG what happened here, and I just said to him "it's the nothing I do all day!" and then we talked about while he may work in a office I work here all day, and when we have a new born that is a 24hr job, and while he gets to come home and have a break I never do, or seem too. After that, or more to the point a few days like that he started to help out more. In fact he just got home from work now and asked me what needed to be done. Tell him to get over himself.

Mary - posted on 12/01/2009

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No sweetie, It's not wrong at all!! It sounds like you need to sit down and explain to him exactly how exhausting and mentally draining it is to be a new mum. Not to mention all the chores throughout the day. It is a huge responsibility for BOTH of you. You may need to set aside certain jobs for him to do ie. bath time, cooking dinner alternative nights..etc. Try and lighten your load a bit. 'I love the 'BILL HIM' idea, that's gold!! lol
My husband works long hours and has early starts but he still helped out on the night shift! I did all the chores and dinners (when I could) but he would look after the baby whenever he was home. We would take it in turns to get up at night. Yes he has a job and brings in the money but you have a job that looks after his child and you don't get to knock off after a shift, it's 24/7. Working a full time job is a lot easier then being a new mum! You need to even it out a bit and give him set chores. You shouldn't even have to ask, if he respects you and loves you he would be offering!!! I hope things work out for the best. If it where me and he didn't change I would be looking to better my life for myself and my daughter.

Christy - posted on 12/01/2009

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No it is NOT wrong, that is HIS baby, too!!!!!! Pick a day he has off and leave the house ALL DAY so he has to care for her. This way he can see what you do all day. It might be a lot to ask, but also have a to do list. Even if he doesn't do it, he will see what you do on top of caring for your 3 month old. Put laundry, dishes, trash, cooking lunch/dinner, whatever you can think of on it. You DON'T sit on your ass all day. He is being totally disrespectful. You are the mother of his child and you deserve respect, hon. I hope it gets better. And by the way, SCREW trying to make him happy.

Amanda - posted on 12/01/2009

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I hear this much too often. Men have to realize that us Stay at home mama's do it all, and WE NEED HELP some times! They need to step up. We're not the only ones who made the baby...I'm pretty sure I remember a man involved of the making process! You need to tell him how it is and this is what worked for me: Threaten to leave him. He'll help more.

Carolee - posted on 12/01/2009

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Ask him if he wants to be a stay-at-home dad. And, before you approach him about this, make a list of everything you do, and the times that you do it.



Another approach is to do the "nanny" approach. Bill him. Depending on where you live, find out what a full-time nanny makes an hour. Add in extra money for not getting holidays and weekends off, and overtime for having to work through the night. Make out a bill, and hand it to him. Tell him that he either pays you or helps you out a little bit, since he did a lot to help you make the baby!



Most men need a little kick in the head when they become dads. I don't know why, but they just don't get it right away. If you need to, though, go to couple's counseling and have the counselor make a deal between you two. Good luck, and remember to take care of yourself as well as your daughter.

Carol - posted on 12/01/2009

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GET OUT!!! Thank God you didn't marry the jerk. If you think he'll change suggest counseling. You are in an abusive relationship. I'm assuming that the two of you agreed that you'd stay home. It's not fair that you have a job that's 24/7 while he gets off at 5 every day. Maybe a bill for your services during the day will be a wake up call. Obviously I've never met either of you but I'd say that anyone who'd speak that way to another one doesn't deserve what he has. You can and should do better for your sake and your daughter's.

Brittany - posted on 12/01/2009

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OMG! I would slap him if he said that to me. Tell him to appreciate you more because taking care of a little one is hard work. I dont sit on my butt all day. My husband doesnt get up with our son but when he is home he does a lot for me. I don't think it is wrong for you to want a break.

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