what really works"time out or spank"

Ebere - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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is the time out and removing the toys punishment, really working more than the spank...

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Stephanie - posted on 11/11/2009

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omg can't believe you have to ask but no way is spanking acceptable! never never strike your child.. hitting, slapping, punching, spanking, using a wooden spoon anything you wouldn't want your child to do to another person..if you spank it means you've lost control.. if you want to teach your child to respect others and not to strike out when angry or frustrated you use the time out approach. I have 3 children and use it all the time.. i have never spanked my children ever and never will.. time out works as does loss of previlages like tv and toys.

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Every child responds to discipline differently, so it is important to know your children. Some children's rebellion/stubbornness seems to be instigated by spanking, while others don't seem to learn anything unless it hurts them a little. Some people may say spanking is wrong, but I fully believe that when done the right way (not in anger, frustration, or annoyance) spanking produces very peaceful results. My parents spanked me growing up and I don't resent them at all for it. It was a very tangible way for me to realize that what I was doing (or not doing) needed to change! I couldn't have cared less if they took my toys away. For my brother though, grounding was the only way to get through to him.

My husband and I use both time out and spanking with our girls, as well as a good firm talkin' to every now and again, and they are fairly well behaved. The most important thing though, with either, is to make sure your children understand (if they're old enough to) that you are disciplining them because what they did is wrong/harmful and not because you are angry.

Melaina - posted on 11/10/2009

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Lol, I agree with what most moms have been saying; a combination of both works for us. But the other day my son was really acting up and got a quick swat on the bum, after which he proceeded to laugh, stretch his legs over his head and spank himself! He's only 18 months old. Mommy had to excuse herself from the room because I couldn't hold in the laughter! The rest of the timeout seemed effective.

Kim - posted on 11/10/2009

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I absolutely DO NOT believe in spanking! I don't understand why parents teach their children not to hit but it's okay for the parent to hit the child??? Children don't know the word respect but they understand the feeling. The point of disciplining your child is to teach them a lesson their behavior is not appropriate. I do believe in timeout for children over age 2, one minute per age. For children under 2, a simple "no" and diverting their attention to something better works just fine. As far as timeout goes, the key is consistency! Timeout is timeout! Designate a particular corner or chair and if they get up before timeout is over, it starts again. The first few times it may take a hour to get your child to sit there for 2 minutes but be persistent! Another important point of disciplining, I believe, is to explain to your child (on a level they can understand) what they did, why you put them in timeout, and an acceptable behavior for that situation. A lot of times when kids do something wrong it's because they did not know what the correct behavior was to do. Keep in mind that it is also important to let your children know when they ARE doing something right. Kids need positive reinforcement more than they need the negative reinforcement.

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2009

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My hubby spanked our daughter for a very sort period of time we were at oddes about it from the start but it was her who put a stop to it. One day he was tickling her and she wanted him to stop and told him to he did not so she hit him. When she was told hitting is not alowed she looked at him tears running down her face and said "you hit me". We use time out only now. It does not matter where we are I will put eather on in a time out in the middle of a store if need be. But what ever you decide the only thing that works is consistacy if its on the bad list and they do it punishment must always happen right away. If its left until later they don't know what they are being punished for. Also tell them before and have them tell you after what they did wrong.

Barby - posted on 11/10/2009

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It's your own personal opinion really. I actually believe it depends on the demeanor of the child. Some children don't learn from talking and sitting in time out and need something harsher. For my kids, sitting in time out and losing privledges usually works just fine. They have had a few spankings in the past but usually for only serious offenses. Normally just the threat of them possibly getting a spanking works. Generally try positive reinforcement and rewarding for good behavior is acceptable for most incidents.

Mel - posted on 11/09/2009

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I tried smacking my daughter but when she hit me back I decided we should try something else! I realised when I hit her it was my anger talking rather than her actions. So time out in our house

Barb - posted on 11/09/2009

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Time -outs, a few spankings for serious things, but most of all be consistant with whatever your rules are and always enforce them, even if you don't feel like dealing with it. It will pay off in the long run!

Dana - posted on 11/09/2009

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My daughter is six years old. Time-out or we call it chill- out chair works a lot better than spanking. I haven't spanked in years. Quick pop on the bottom helped when situation was dangerous ie: running out in parking lot. 99% for time-out 1% spanking

Trish - posted on 11/09/2009

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Both. It depends on the sitution. I use both when needed. I havent had to spank any of my kids in a long time!

Myra - posted on 11/09/2009

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My daughter is only 17mo and so far, I've used neither time out or spanking. What has worked with her is saying no and moving her attention to something else. I'm sure that would be pretty much useless for older kids, though. My parents spanked me...there was never a time out and only once was I grounded...at age 18! To this day (and I'm 29!) I hate the idea of spanking, but in all honesty, it worked with me. I've never been in any kind of legal trouble, don't drink, don't do drugs, and all my kids are by my husband (we were married before I got pregnant even). I knew what would happen if I did any of those things, and knowing I'd get spanked made me keep my nose clean.

I'm sure there are tons of people who would disagree, but I think the best bet is a combo platter when it comes to discipline. No matter what method you use, I think the key is explaining why the child is being punished.

Wendy - posted on 11/09/2009

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girls dad and myself decided that time out works well when we put which ever child is being naughty out of the room so on the bottom step.
an if they r doing something that could end up them getting hurt a short sharp shout

Carolee - posted on 11/08/2009

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I do both, or either... depending on what the situation calls for. If he's in danger, it's a spanking and possible time-out. If he hits me (his new phase), it's a time-out, and I put his toys in the toybox. It all depends on the situation, I think.

Jessica - posted on 11/08/2009

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Every child is different. No matter what form of discipline you choose you have to stick to it. The more you enforce it the more the child will respond in the manner you want.

[deleted account]

Honestly a mix of both and something else. If they are doing something that could hurt themselves or someone else the get a "pop" on their hand, or a firm grab of their hand. I figure if they arent mature enough to choose a different decision they will want to avaoid the pop, and it works. For all other they get time out, I tell them in advance before they go in to time out how long they will be there and I count for them. That helps because they like to count along with me. But rewards for good behavior work better than just punishments for bad. the rule is 4 positives to 1 negative (because kids have limited memory and remember bad over good) and I live by that, and it works the best.

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