What's wrong with me?

Carey - posted on 07/14/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have trouble going to bed before 3am but I'm tired all the time even when I do get sleep. I want to stay on the computer all the time and I can't muster up the energy or willpower to clean my house. Also, I love my kids sooo much!! They are my everything!! But I sometimes feel like I am neglecting them because I give them the brush off when they want me to see to their needs. Or I'll keep saying, "Wait a minute", or "Just a minute.", or I'm almost done." Then before I know it, it's an hour later and they still haven't eaten lunch yet. I have alot of problems in my relationship with their dad and I am pretty unhappy. It hurts me so much that I am not giving my kids the attention they need. I need help! :( I think I suffer from depression but I'm not sure. Does anyone have this problem and how can I help myself?

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Sal - posted on 07/14/2011

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just go see your dr, have a chat and see what they suggest, but also i might suggest, try not to go on to your fav sites, (yes even CoM) i do know how you feel, and taking some time away frm the computer is a good trial, if you stop using it, you have more time for the kids, getting the house work done and then also might sleep better, you may just of got into a nasty cycle, it is soooooo easy to just stay online ans as you said ooops an hour has gone and nothing else is done, or try and use an alarm so you can be more aware of the amount of time you are spending on line,
it is just sooo easy to stay on here too long there is always someone to talk to, something to catch your attention, and compared to doing house work, need i say more,
still see a dr but until then just try and see what changes you can make,

Jeneva - posted on 07/14/2011

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If you think you are depressed you should go see your doctor about it. The fact that you know these things are a problem is huge. My suggestion is to put away the computer. Put it in the closet. Somewhere you can't see it. When I don't have my computer in sight, I don't really think about it. Other than that, it's all about how you deal with it. If you are really depressed, meds and some therapy will help and things will get better. But you also need to make yourself do more.

Good for you for actually putting these things down and looking for an answer though. So many people don't and the kids/family suffer.

Karen - posted on 07/14/2011

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I think you need some "me" time also. I have the same problem and find myself doing the exact same thing. My 4 yr. has gotten to the point that she now screams at me for a drink when I'm on the computer. It's an escape, but not a healthy one for us. I force myselt to just stay off the computer most days. Or i promise the kids we will do an activity after i check my facebook that way they will help me stick to the logging off part lol. Like personal timers. As far as the bedtime thing, I get mixed up in that also. My husband works 2nd shift, so I sometimes find myself waiting up for him. Then once he falls asleep I hit my 2nd wind and can't get to sleep myself. Or if he wakes me up when he gets home I will end up staying up all night. It's important to set a bedtime for yourself. I usually choose 10pm. I will force myself to go to bed even though I'm not tired. After a few days/weeks I will find myself sleeping by 10:30/11. As long as i stick to going to bed at that time i find it's easier to get my stuff done. When I do irregular sleep scheduals (10pm one night then 3am the next or whatever) I find myself sluggish, overstressed, and lazy. There are little ways you can spend time with them on those days like watching a movie together, or drawing/coloring, and other relaxing, low key activities. Reading to them ect. I know what I need to do to feel better, but the quiet is just sooo nice that I keep breaking my bedtime lol. It's hard.

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I agree with those who said to turn off the computer. If you must use it, set a timer for 20 minutes in the morning, then turn the computer all the way off when the timer dings. Having to actually turn it on, wait for it to boot up, and log in is time consuming and will keep you from sitting down for a "quick peek" and spending an hour here. Also, log out of your favorite sites and remove your bookmarks for them. That will force you to put forth the effort to actually type in the site url and remember to log in. Usually, if you have to go through all that to get to your site, it's not really worth it unless you actually have a few minutes to spend there.

Also, give yourself some "me time" in the evenings to help you wind down for sleep. Try to avoid the computer during that time because it's like a black hole--there is always something new to look at, always one more thread to check for new posts.

Another thing that helps me is making lists. I don't open facebook or COM's until I have completed the most important items on my list. Even then, I set a timer. I like to take several breaks throughout the day, but they have to be timed or I'll get sucked in.

The list gives me a place to start and helps me recognize that I'm actually accomplishing stuff. When you don't know where to start, just take a stroll through the house with a pad and pen and jot down what needs to be done. Pick an easy thing and do it, cross it off and move to the next one. It is amazing how much easier it is to find motivation when you have a list as opposed to just looking around at a thousand little things that need to be done.

Another thing that helps me is setting a timer for each room. I spend 15 minutes speed cleaning each room in my house every day. I have a little house, but if you have a big one, you may want to do, say 4 rooms one day, 4 the next and keep a rotation--no one wants to clean all day.

Krystal - posted on 08/08/2011

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I used to be the same way. My doctor told me it was depression. I had just gotten out of a very abusive relationship with my daughter's father and I went into a deep depression where I basically ignored everyone including my daughter...to the point where my parents were taking care of her while I sat on the computer all day. Now, I've picked myself up, moved on, got myself a job, joined a mom's group and started to keep myself as busy as I can so I avoid the computer until I have some "me" time, and even then, I use all of an hour a week on the computer. You need to get yourself some "me" time, and find things to keep you up and moving around and keeping you off the computer. Don't worry, your not alone. I beat it, so can you :)

Katrina - posted on 07/14/2011

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you sound a lot like me. I do have depression, but I also have a sleep disorder. I would suggest going to a doctor.

Christy - posted on 07/14/2011

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You aren't alone. Most ladies won't ever admit any of this so that's a big step for you. Maybe you can go see a psychologist to get to the "root" of your issues. I know it helped me a lot. I also got on meds that helped immensley! (sp). Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 07/14/2011

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How old are your kids? It does sound like depression.....I have had those days though. Not every day, but some days. It sounds like you're stressed out and don't want to be bothered with anything else because it's too overwhelming. I know lately, I've been the same way. On the computer, popping in movies for the kids so I can BE on the computer...
I'm exhausted too and don't sleep well.
What you probably need is some me time. Because you can't hold your child's needs off like that. It's important that you tend to them.

Hang in there and try to stay off of the computer and such until they go to bed.

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