what should i do? (frustrated w/ boyfriend)

Rachel - posted on 05/14/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been together over 5 years,living together 1 yr, and have a 3 month old...ever since the baby has been born,pretty much,it seems like whatever he does frustrates the hell out of me, and he either doesnt get it or he doesnt care! LIke, he expects me to take care of our son day/night,keep the house clean..but he doesnt help out,by cleaning up after himself..he lives his dishes everywhere and his beer cans,all over the place and if it wasnt for me,they would probably would stay there for who knows how long. And i always ask/tell him to put the dishes in the sink and throw away his beer cans. Also,he doesnt acknowledge that the trash is full,so i have to be the one to empty the trash can and put it outside,then he bitches that the garbage is piling up outside!(we have to pay for the garabage to be picked up)and he hasnt in a few months :-/.yes i am grateful that he works and pay for everything,so i can stay home and raise our son,but i just wish he would help out with keeping the house semi clean,so it was alittle bit less of work i had to do...also,on the weekends,he thinks its fine to go out w/friends and not keep in touch w/ me thru out the day/night..yea i havent had a day/night off/out since our son has been born at home.i have to go to my moms(iowa)to get that. I want this to work,for us and for our son,but im getting to the end of my rope. What should i do? :-/

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Kaitlyn - posted on 05/14/2011

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Your second sentence says it all...
"ever since the baby has been born, pretty much, it seems like whatever he does frustrates the hell out of me, and he either doesn't get it or he doesn't care!"
This statement leads me to believe that he was already a selfish pig before the baby arrived, but you didn't mind because you didn't have the baby to take care of yet. Now baby is here, and there is a lot more of a workload for you and you do not like the fact that he is unwilling to help. I'm sorry to say, but in my opinion you made your bed! You obviously did not establish with him how life would change once baby arrived and what you expected of each other once that day came. You cannot blame him for continuing on in what is normal to him and fair in his eyes because you did not mind prior to baby. Men are not mind readers. If you do not lay it all out for them sometimes they "don't get it" and some certainly "don't care." Either sit down with him and have a good long conversation about the situation and your feelings or move on. Maturity does not happen over night and to expect it to is unreasonable and foolish!!! Good Luck!

Michelle - posted on 05/14/2011

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You need to talk to him. Also try to remember that there is a certain degree of learning to live together too. There's a honeymoon period where everything is new and cool but after that passes you have to figure out the compromises etc that make living together work. It can take a while and on top of working out the new family structure it can be hard. Sit down and talk to him. Let him know how your feeling. Work from there.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 05/14/2011

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I know this will be easier said then done, but after talking with him and he doesn’t change not even a little (what ever the matter may be)
Its clear that you have told him a number of times the small things you need/want him to do…and he’s not doing them…being tired from work is not an excuse plenty fathers come home and do yard work, play with the kids, keep the kids while mom is out….everyone has their own routine that they live by..and you need to find yours or you will become bitter and angry
Either you have to just deal with it (and I know you don’t)
Or you need to think of other alternatives (like doing a 360 and not doing a darn thing in the house, and when he bitches about things messy…just smile and say “your right this place is a pigsty” all the while he’s cussing and yelling throwing a tantrum just smile and if you can say not a word…Silence is very powerful at times.

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