What to do?! Feel guilty or Feel frustrated?!

Laura - posted on 12/19/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

4

0

2

Last night my husband told me that my stepson wants to hang out with him this weekend and pick out Christmas tree. Well....this weekend is not his weekend to come over, and frankly I look forward to those weekends, I get to spend time with my husband and not have to be a maid for my stepson. When he is here every other weekend, he does not help, hides, does not want to be involved with the family, yet now he wants to come on a weekend that isn't his, to pick out a Christmas tree and hang out with his dad all of a sudden?? I was told that it is not fair for him bc his mom who has the majority of custody doesn't put up a tree. I have been ousted from picking out Christmas trees due to them liking Charlie brown style and I like a full one, and of course being 2 against 1, I lose every year.

Im pretty irritated. My husband of course doesn't understand and is shocked his son suddenly wants to spend time with him.

Stepson and I got along well before I got married, and now it's quite different and my husband who is not close with his son will take every chance (or feels like he does) to gang up with my stepson, against me, (for what seems like) he is trying to have something in common with him. Including kicking me out of holiday activities...on his off weekend.

Feel guilty or feel frustrated since it is our weekend and now I have to share it with this, AGAIN!? Help please!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 12/20/2014

3,562

36

3907

You should be GLAD that your stepson and husband get to have extra time together. When you marry a man with children, you have no right to be angry when you come second occasionally and you have to understand that plans change and children will always come first. You should think it is lovely that your stepson wants to spend time choosing a Christmas tree with his father.

"it's not fair" - that is a very juvenile statement about anything, but in particular about this situation. You think him having some one-on-one time with his son instead of you is "kicking you out"? I'm sorry, I am not seeing this as a bad thing. I think you need to back off and allow your husband who, in your words, "is not close to his son" to work on that relationship as much as possible. If this is an occasion that may bring he and his son together, you have no right to be angry at your husband or your stepson about that.

You have to share? You married a man with a child. You were always going to have to share. If you think you were going to have this lovely little cocoon where your stepson visited every other weekend, perfectly on schedule, you really didn't think through all of the possibilities. What will happen if this child suddenly decides he wants to live with dad? How will you feel then? Did you consider that a future possibility?

3 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 12/20/2014

5,041

8

3249

I'm with the other 2 ladies, You knew he had a son when you married him so you have to accept that you will 2nd sometimes. If his son needs him he will do what he need to.
This time of the year you should be encouraging the relationship between Father and Son, not trying to keep them apart.
In regards to feeling like a slave when his son is there, what have you said to your husband about it? What does your husband say? Does he even know you feel like that? You need to discuss with your husband about what happens and get him to talk with his son about pulling his weight around the house.
I can probably guess that your husband doesn't want to discipline or "upset" his son because he doesn't get a lot of time with him as it is but he does still need to set boundaries.

Mommabird - posted on 12/19/2014

280

0

33

Ok you are married and have a stepson. He only sees his son every other weekend. He doesnt have a real close relationship with his son but is taking an opportunity for extra time together.....and your complaining about it? Sorry, sounds to me like there might be a little jealousy between you and the stepson. I hate to say it but if you attempt to make yourself a wedge between them it will only hurt You. If he's a good father he will do whatever it takes to have a good relationship with his son. Not saying you are chop liver but children do come first. Dont look at it so negatively, he can have both of you and be happy if you encourage it and be an understanding wife and stepmom.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms