What to do NOW!!

Patrice - posted on 11/01/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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OK my youngest is 7 she has been having some behavioral problems at school. I posted here about the teacher telling me something about ODD. Well the last couple of days I talked with my husband and my Mom we came up with this. She (just her in her class) gets a sheet containing her day if she was good at that moment a sticker. If not the teacher writes in what she did wrong or disruptive.

We tell her everyday get all stickers for her day. After getting a couple of really bad reports. We decided to get her to write out. I will follow directions 100 times and also took away treats. Meaning she only gets water not juice (unless for school lunches or if she brings home all stickers) no cookies, candies, just the bare essentials. This is rewarded if she can bring home stickers for seven days Straight. She gets a treat and tons of praise each day of course when she does it and get to mark off the days.
Well today she came home after 3 days straight of the stickers and not so good. Should I start over from day one. Or what are you opinion to help us out. Do you think this is effective and I should continue or what?

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[deleted account]

I would reward for number of stickers rather than number of days...so I would give stickers for this this and this (try not to give too many things or it'll stop the effectiveness). Then for each 7 day period tell her how many stickers you expect and what she'll get for it. For example let's say she has 4 things she can get a sticker for per day, for a perfect week that would be 28 stickers, so for 28 stickers she can have a book, for 24-27 stickers she gets a magazine, fir 20-23 stickers she gets a treat such as juice, for 15-19 stickers she gets a certificate, anything below that she doesn't get anything, the rewards could be anything that works for your daughter mine are just examples. This way you don't have to restart if she has a bad day every now and then and can look at the week as a whole.

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Christy - posted on 11/03/2011

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This may sound bad, but you may try it, since she is 7. Instead of rewarding her or taking away things for not have 100% stickers for good behavior, maybe start of easier, like say she gets stickers 80% or more of the time in a given week, do that for a month, then move to 90% in a week, then the following month 100%? I dunno. My son is 4 and in pre k. If he gets at least 4 "smiley faces" in a week of 5 days, he gets to go to McDonald's on Fridays. Since school started in Sept, he will be up to needing 5 smiley's in a week starting in Dec. I didn't want to overwhelm him to start with this new "program" I implemented. HOWEVER if he gets a really bad report in a week, even one, we don't do this. Usually he gets "straight faces" and the rest smiley's which is better than the really "sad frowny" face.

[deleted account]

You said it it almost always at story time because she is bored because she has already read the story by herself beforehand. A good solution for that is to tell her NOT to read the story herself until AFTER story time. Give her something else to read before story time if she must spend time reading.

My son is the same way--if he reads it before hand, he gets bored listening to it, but if he listens to the story first, then reads it on his own for clarification, he gets much more out of the story. Hearing a story out loud first then reading alone has been proven to improve reading comprehension in early readers.

I agree with Jodi, I don't see the purpose of the line writing, as it has no relation to the misbehavior and would likely just make her rebel.

Patrice - posted on 11/02/2011

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Thanks I will try some of these ideas. @ Toni I never really considered that I was giving her a second consequence. Well that isn't fair. Will have to try a different approach. Hey guys thanks again for the tips. Will keep you posted!!

[deleted account]

I'd try to steer away from line writing and such because it's not really connected to the crime and with the reward chart your already giving her the consequence of not following direction as she'll only get her 'rewards' if she gets so many stickers, so writing lines is giving a second consequence which isn't really fair.

I would do bigger consequences for things that aren't covered with your reward chart but need consequences such as hitting, maybe writing an apology letter to the person she hit.

Medic - posted on 11/01/2011

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My son gets colors (green, yellow,red) for their behavior. We have a chart that lists the things that he gets to do depending on which color he gets. None of them are bad just yellow is better than red and green is better than yellow. These are things that we all chose as a family. We also stress that HE chose to behave how he did that day so HE chooses his afternoon activities. No one does it to him it is all in his hands. We also keep everything to a 5 day period seeing as they only go to school 5 days a week (by next week they are not going to remember this week). If he gets more green than yellow or reds there is a list of activities he can choose from, if he gets all green then there is a really really fun thing he can choose, and if its not so great then there is nothing special just a regular weekend. I have found that this works better than negative punishments. Seeing as your daughter gets stickers then make a chart for example, if she had a perfect day she would get 10 stickers (just an example) then say 10 = any activity from any toys at home and 30 min tv time, 7-9= any toy but no tv time,

Patrice - posted on 11/01/2011

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Thanks guys so much I have talk to her and notice that it is always the same time a day. Group reading she says she gets board because she reads the story by herself before group reading time. Also what do you think about the writing I will follow directions? I was just wondering I will not make her start over and talk to DH about that. How would you handle telling her when the bad days do come. I mean they come from everyone, so I want her not to feel bad but know that every thing in life cost. So try to make the best choices. (well you know what I mean right) So the 7 day thing my husband and I will have to get better at that. She is so sweet otherwise. See this is why i love this site! thanks any other help greatly appreciated!!

[deleted account]

I would not do 7 days straight, I would give her the reward for every 7th day she got all stickers. The problem I see with 7 days straight is that it discounts the effort she made for the 1st 3 days. So she messed up one day, but she can get back on track the next day.

A portion of my son's allowance is tied to his school performance--if he gets all green for the week, he gets $1. If not, he forgoes that portion of the allowance, but he can still get the rest. In addition to loosing the allowance, we talk about the behavior issue that cost him his green, what he did, why he did it, and what he can do in similar situations in the future to avoid conflict.

You need to get to the root of why she is misbehaving and no one can tell you better than she can. Ask her what the problem is. Then teach her better ways to deal with those situations. Define common situations--talking too much, not listening, whatever the teacher is writing that she is doing wrong. If you look at them, you will start to see patterns.

Talking too much--she needs to move away from the friend.
Not listening--teach her to mentally note take, meaning she will listen to the teacher, and pick out 5 important points the teacher is making. It sets short term goals and gives her a long term goal to keep her focused on the lecture at hand.
Not following directions--teach her to repeat the directions as she gets them.
Conflict with other students--teach her some conflict resolution skills like sharing, walking away, changing the subject, etc.

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