What to do when my 15 y/o daughter is out of contro; and she is already on probation?

Dawna - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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She acts like she just does not care what will happen she stays out all night and does not say where she is or anything. She was also aready rapped in September of 2009 by a 20 y/o guy..

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Tam - posted on 02/14/2010

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get her into counseling or a victims group to discuss that situation she is probably angry about it. If she does not straighten up probation will take care of her for you which is not a postive thing for her.. good luck i will pray for you. I hope you took her to the doctor after the rape to make sure she is ok at least physically ( no std's) Do her good to talk to other victims so she does not blame herself.

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Amanda - posted on 02/14/2010

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As much as this may sound stupid, try not to push her too hard. I wouldn't say I was out of control myself but I definatly defiyed my parents and it didn't stop untill I moved out on my own. But what made me want to rebel more was getting in trouble for doing things. IT also depends on your rules, my parents were pretty exteme and at 16 years old my cerfew even on weekends was at 9pm. And they told me who I was and wasn;t allowed to hangout with. So I woudn't go home or at least not on time, and I lied about who I was going to see and where we were going. I think that if my parents would have sat down with me we could have made compromises about things like cerfew. I probably would have listened a little more to them if they didn't tell me who I was and wasn't allowed to see and just told me they didn't like them and acctually gave me a reason other than the way they looked or dressed. I'm not at all saying you're like my parents but it's an Idea if your in that type of situation. I ended up moving out shortly after my 16th birthday and found I didn't go out late and night, I didn't want to go out and party, I was content saying home unlike when I was with my parents. I wish you the best of luck.

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I agree with Tam, speak to her therapist and try to find a victims group in addition to one on one counseling. One on one counseling is usually the best option, but sometimes teenagers will listen more to one another than to an adult counselor. Also, is her therapist male or female? She may respond better to another woman.

Also, look into ways you can prevent her from making new mistakes. How is she getting out of the house to stay out all night? What can you do to prevent that from happening?
Also, Why does she feel the need to stay out? You can discuss that in therapy with her--I know she was the one that was raped, but you can learn a lot about helping her cope with that by attending sessions with her.
Did you have these problems before the rape as well, or did they begin afterwards? If you can find the root of the issues, you will be better prepared to motivate her towards more positive behavior.

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