What to do when you're basically a single parent with no help??

Kris - posted on 02/10/2014 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My husband is ALWAYS working. he works 12 hours a day, 60 hours a week. Sometimes he works a week straight without a day off and that means I get NO help at home. Not with housework, not with the baby, nothing. I get no time for myself ever. My son hardly takes any good naps and sometimes I just need a good half hour or something just to collect myself and relax. My parents aren't much of a help and my in-laws are even worse. Honestly....what can I do? I get so frustrated that I have no one to turn to for help. I've tried looking around to see if there are any Mommy and Me classes in my area and the closest one is 45 minutes away from me and that's just not an option. I just feel so alone and angry all the time I don't know what to do or how to make it all work.

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April@lovefarlovenear.com - posted on 02/10/2014

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Hey Kris, I totally understand what you are going through, my hubby is the same hours only NIGHT shift... really sucks.
And yes sometimes you do feel like a single parent, and having to take care of EVERYTHING while his one responsibility is work. Stay strong and just be thankful for each little moment you get to yourself... Mine has become the time i get to shower, even if it is at night! Make some sugar scrubs, and spoil yourself! Sometimes that's all I need is a nice hot shower and pampering scrubs!
Hell, even a nice cup of coffee can perk me up, and I also have a baby who does not like to take naps LOL.

Love my hubby to death but wish he was on days so we could actually see more of each other. some weeks its only a total of 3 hours..

Good Luck! if you need some recipes for scrubs let me know! more than willing to help, since we are both in the same boat.

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Kris - posted on 02/14/2014

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Dawn i'm so sorry, i wish that you were able to get some help as well. but hearing your story gives me hope that i can do it with just one when you can do it with 4 kids! sometimes it's just nice to know you're not alone in feeling this way, i think, others are going thru it and manage to deal as well.

Dawn - posted on 02/14/2014

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We have 4 kids (16, 12, 11, 1 month) My husband leaves for work before 5am and gets home just after 7pm. He helps make breakfast on one of his days off but that's about it. I have to ask for help even when it comes to parenting.

I have always gotten the kids up and ready for school, take them and pick them up. Grocery shop, laundry, dry cleaning, clean the house, cook and get them to bed at night. He's in bed before all of us.

I did laundry the other day. Got most put away except a few things i left folded on my bed. My husband took his two shirts from the bottom and put them away but didn't bother putting the few things of mine away. Pissed me off because his clothes wouldn't be clean & his work clothes wouldn't get starched if it weren't for me. Maybe he should do his own clothes on his day off.

Kris - posted on 02/13/2014

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we can't even really afford daycare(hence why i'm a SAHM) we can't afford a nanny. tho i wish! it would be nice to get some stuff around the house done! lol

Nicole - posted on 02/12/2014

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Well i can say i have been doing it for ten years i have no complaints but one thing i can say for sure kids do question alot an all u can do is be honest if not they Will look at you later for explexplanation so to your answer keep doing your best i dont no you but the question use to fit me well keep up the good work an dont give up

Ana - posted on 02/11/2014

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Well, I am a SAHM also. Have been for 2.5 years and I have 2 kids. I felt just like you until I snapped!

I said I am going to get some time to myself and when I do I'm not going to rush or feel bad about it.

I told my husband that when he comes home, he get a few minutes to himself, then he needs to ask me what help I need for the evening. He started watching the kids for me every night from 6-9, he got home at 4. I felt better, I could think straight, and things starting picking up around the house, mostly me getting the house in better order because I didn't feel like much of a basket case as much,

Also, I started video blogging. Just sitting in front of my camera during the day even when my kids were running around and it helped me to at least vent when there was no one else to vent to! I know crazy, but it worked. I felt like a new woman. If no one ever sees my videos, so what, I felt better.

God Bless.

Kris - posted on 02/11/2014

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thank you everyone i really appreciate all of your advice! you've been so helpful!

Erin Heather - posted on 02/11/2014

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I am with you on this one Kris! Sometimes all I would want was 10 minutes to take a bubble bath and collect my thoughts but it was never possible with no help and a baby who doesn't nap often nor for very long. I would be so exhausted sometimes when the hubby came home I would just snap and be so angry. It seemed like I was never going to catch a break and I felt like I couldn't be the best mom I could. I eventually got through to him and just put everything out on the table and told him I NEED, not want, this time to step back and gather myself so that I could be a good mom. Not saying that sitting down to talk about things will make it work out but it doesn't hurt to try right? Wish I could help more!

April@lovefarlovenear.com - posted on 02/11/2014

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I use white sugar or brown, which ever you have and mix with a little oil.. Olive oil works I use almond however also if you add used coffee grounds as well it helps with cellulite! Just use about 3/4 cup and as you add oil you can decide how much you want. I like mine to be less wet and oily.

Kris - posted on 02/11/2014

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thank you April! i'm trying to set aside some "me" time even if it's only for a few minutes. i'd love some of those recipes for scrubs if you could send them my way! thanks!

Kris - posted on 02/10/2014

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when it was nicer out i would take my son out all the time to just get us out of the house but if it's not snowing every day it's subzero temps so we haven't had the chance to go out and do much.

i'm not trying to "wallow" i'm just trying to ask how to do it all on my own. it's a bit overwhelming.

Amanda - posted on 02/10/2014

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Sounds like my life since I had my daughter. Hubby never home, and I have no family around to help out and my son has ADHD.
You have 2 choices, wallow in self pity about how bad you have it, how no one helps how awful you life is or suck it up and get out there and have fun with your son before he gets too big to want to spend time with mummy.

It's bloody hard doing it on your own, but you have to make the most of it.
On the upside you get to raise your son your way with no interference from anyone else.

Kris - posted on 02/10/2014

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Thing is, when I got pregnant my husband was all about "i'm going to cut back my hours, i'm going to be home more and help more!" and it never happened. he gets to come home to the baby put to sleep, a nice long shower, food already cooked for him, and then he goes to bed. seriously, i get NO HELP. or alone time, now that you mention it. none. baby wakes up so early in the morning if i woke up any earlier i might not even bother going to sleep lol

Tinker1987 - posted on 02/10/2014

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Im in the same boat my boyfriend works a lot sometimes in camp where he isn't even home at night. First you got to remember he worked before your baby so you cant get to frusterated with him, its the life of a stay at home mom. if its in the budget I suggest putting your child in a dayhome or daycare maybe once or twice a week something part time for 4 hours a day so you can have some you time. Its extremely important to have some alone time or if that doesn't help try getting up a couple hours before you know your baby will and just have a coffee to yourself,maybe a shower listen to some music. My son is 3 and no longer naps so some days are longer then others. My parents only babysit one or twice a month other times I have a sitter its so I can run to a dr or dentist appointment so your Not alone out there. :)

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