What would you do about a grandma who interferes too much and causes alot of problems?

Amanda - posted on 02/17/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have 2 young children and their grandma thinks she has the right to decide how I raise my kids. She has even gone so far as to call social services and tell them that I was depressed and taking it out on my children.That resulted in a sheriff coming to my house and looking around. She never seems to get it when I tell her things and now I dont allow my children to go to her house with out me and I dont go over there because of the issues. Besides telling me what to do there are also many saftey issues at her home that she wont change. What would you do in this situation?

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Sheri - posted on 02/17/2009

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If it's your mother-in-law, your kids' dad should be the one to communicate the sticky subjects to her (if possible). If not, a good way to be neutralize a person that butts in too much is to just listen and say noncomittal things like "That's interesting" and "That's something to consider" or "I'll have to give that some thought".



As for safety concerns, they're your kids and that's a deal breaker. And calling social services is a low blow and quite unreasonable so it sounds like it's already gone too far. Either she is right, or she's incredibly vindictive and spiteful - in which case I'd feel fine about putting some distance between your family and her. Someone who'd be willing to do that out of spite is NOT responsible enough to watch your children unsupervised! Not to freak you out but I remember a news story a year or so back where a grandma was so mad at her grand-daughter's parents that she mixed salt in with the baby's formula to get back at them... the baby ended up dying though the grandma maintains it wasn't her intention to hurt the baby but the parents! That's pretty extreme, obviously.

Are there any other family members you can go to for support in this?

Jeanne - posted on 02/17/2009

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Hi, I am sorry for both of you. That would be hard. If it is the in law I would have your husband sit down and tell her that it is putting him in a bad spot, and if she wants to have a relationship with the grandchildren it needs to change. Let her know that she is loved and appreciated but these are your children and your right to raise them the way you choose. If you want or need advice you will ask. I feel communication is #1 and maybe it would help coming from their own child. Grandparents are important to childrens lives. I grew up without mine and I feel I missed out and fortunately my children have wonderfull grandparents. Good luck :)

Courtney - posted on 02/17/2009

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I don't let my son go to my mother-in-laws house. First of all, she smokes inside, and still does this when we go to visit, even though the baby has asthma!! She only gets to see him if she comes to our house. When she is here, she's always picking up my mail, and asking if the bills are past due. What a b*****!!!! It's like she doesn't come over to see her grandson, she only comes over to be in my buisness. My husband is the youngest of 5, and his siblings were teenagers when he was born, so I guess she cannot cut the cord, even though he is 30! I don't know what to do either!!

Heather - posted on 02/17/2009

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That's just what you have to do. Grandma's only get visiting rights if they obey YOUR rules.

Courtney - posted on 02/17/2009

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I don't let my son go to my mother-in-laws house. First of all, she smokes inside, and still does this when we go to visit, even though the baby has asthma!! She only gets to see him if she comes to our house. When she is here, she's always picking up my mail, and asking if the bills are past due. What a b*****!!!! It's like she doesn't come over to see her grandson, she only comes over to be in my buisness. My husband is the youngest of 5, and his siblings were teenagers when he was born, so I guess she cannot cut the cord, even though he is 30! I don't know what to do either!!

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