When do you give up on a relationshiip?

Alisha - posted on 12/31/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we have a 4 month old baby together an each of us has children from previous relationships. I am to the point that Ireally feel like the only reason he stays here is so that he won't have to pay child support on another child since his ex wife has already taken him to the cleaner a couple times over. He doesn't seem to understand that I should matter an that my children matter to me, the world doesn't revolve around his ex an their kids. He sometimes even forgets that we have a baby together. He spent all of thanksgiving an christmas with his children an left me aloe until I had my family pick me up. There is never any compromise it is all his way or nothing at all. Then he gets mad if I try to talk to any of my friends or family about our problems but then I find out that his ex knows all about everything going on at my house through him an their kids. I'm lost at this point, I feel completely worthless, he spends more time looking at other women in magazines or on the internet then he does even speaking to me in a week. We don''t cuddle we don't anything we seem to simply be two people living in one house. Half the time we don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. I don't know what to do anymore!!!

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Brianna - posted on 01/01/2010

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That is a really hard situation, nobody should make you feel worthless especially someone you are supposed to be in love with. Sadly my in laws are in the exact same situation but they have been married for 21 years. Watch the movie FireProof, it is an amazing story of a couple in something close to your situation. I highly recommend it, there is a book you can buy too but watch the movie first. Do everything you can on your end to fix things, it wont be easy and he will probably still treat you like crap for a while but it might help. When you change how you react it changes the way people react to you. Good luck hun, I will be praying for you.

Pamela - posted on 01/01/2010

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Is he willing to try counseling? If so, that would be step one. Most areas have free counseling if money is a problem. You don't say your ages, but your boyfriend sounds immature and counseling may help. Step two would be to assess your financial situation, and start planning for the possibility that you won't be together. Make sure you develop a support system outside of your boyfriend. This is important whether or not you stay together. Too many women rely on their significant other as the sole source of meeting their psychological and social needs -- we all need multiple people to talk with and do things with. Girlfriends and family are crucial to our sanity. After you have worked through the steps, evaluate you situation. If neglect turns to abuse, leave immediately.

Tara - posted on 01/01/2010

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If you are that unhappy the best thing is to really figure out if you want to make things work or not - if you have tried counseling, etc and he still is doing these things I would consider leaving - you need to be happy and healthy for the sake of your child. From what you've posted it sounds like he is a useless twit that doesn't know a good thing when he's got you staring him in the face. You and your child should be just as important, if not more important than his ex - his children with his ex should be important to him, but not to the extent that you and your child are left out in the cold.

What you may want to do is suggest counseling, and go yourself if he won't go with you - at least that way you can decide if it's worth it to you to stay with him. For myself, if my husband ever treated me like that and wouldn't go to counseling to try to fix things I would be telling him not to let the door hit him on the ass on his way out.

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