when enough is enough with a bf,being a single sahm

Kristel - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello,fellow SAHM's!I'm just looking for backup & support!I was in a heated argument2 weekends ago w/(ex)bf.Not that our relationship isn't complicated enough,he has to throw in a few choice words to me every time we argue!This "discussion"started in the bedroom, to obviously be away from my 4 kids(no1 should be arguing in front of their kids!),but he decided to kick it up a notch and immediately say that he works,I don't have a job(typical absent-parent thing to say who knows nothing about having kids/parenting!),then proceeded to say that I'm uneducated(not only did I graduate from high school,but I went to a technical school full time,for a year & earned 4certifications all w/a 4.0 while working part time& raising my 2kids at the time alone!(this before I met him!)Also, he called me "trailerpark trash"for the 3rd time since we met 5 yrs ago!(I never lived in a trailer park!)I am and have been raising my 4 kids alone,oldest w/multiple special needs.I take care of all the bills.I am the only one who cooks/cleans/takes care of any maintenance,etc.,takes all my kids to doctors/specialists,etc...,We have 2 young children 2gether.This relationship had "red flags"from the start,but I overlooked them in hopes that (he) would change his way& grow up!He has an enabling mother, whom he runs to anytime theres an argument(1 1/2 hrs away).He goes "home"once/twice a month and stays for 3/4 days at a time.(he use to do this 3x's/month)We always argued about it!So,since January,he thought he was compromising by going only 2x's/month.I've told him repeatedly that it's not normal for a 39 yr old man to go "home"and stay over @mommy's & hangout w/friends for 3/4 days at a time!You go there,visit,then come home!He's used every excuse in the book.Yet,I was getting accused of cheating when I would go to the laundrymat about 3x's/wk!I was doing 20 loads/week,he never helped me once,not even just "our kids wash"!then last summer,I got a washer/dryer at home.I've been through so much already.I have enough stress to deal with.I told him to leave.I'm worth better than being treated like that!NOw he's begging to stay,saying he wants to go to couples'couseling.I will NEVER forget all the things he's said to/about me!I don't see him changing his narcisistic/selfish ways & he's not healthy to have around my kids,setting bad examples of what a man is and how they should treat you!I know I basically answered my own questions of whether to stay with him or not,but I'd just like to hear other's opinions!Thank you!

4 Comments

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Tara - posted on 02/24/2010

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I say good for you, telling him to get his ass out the door. Anyone that can act like that towards you and your children is not going to change. They will also set an example for your kids that you don't want them to grow up with.

Honestly, if it had been me in your situation I don't think I would have lasted 5 years with him. The first year would have been enough and then it would have been "don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way home to mommy..." - better to have happy, healthy kids and you than to keep someone that toxic around.

Carolee - posted on 02/24/2010

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I'm normally the first person to suggest that a couple go to counseling. Heck, I'm of the opinion that the best time to start is before it gets bad!



That being said, I wouldn't even give him the chance! The ONLY reason that he is suggesting counseling is because he's grasping at straws. He doesn't want to be alone... but he doesn't want to be with you, either. Seriously, the next time he goes to mommy's house, I would have every single thing of his packed and on the front lawn. I would also get the locks changed without telling him.



You deserve better than what this guy is willing to give, and your children deserve to see someone treat their mommy RIGHT! They deserve to see you happy in a relationship, not being put down.



I truly congratulate you on not fighting in front of your kids. That's something that a lot of people cannot do for some reason. But, at the same time, your kids can feel the tension between you. I know that I do not know the full situation and I have not heard "his side" of the story, but I really think this relationship is a toxic one.



Oh, and most men who accuse their partner of cheating are cheating on their partner. My ex did that... and used having a dream that I was cheating on him to leave me with 10 minute's notice, $50, and an 8 month old.

Cassie - posted on 02/24/2010

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honey he sounds like my sons father. nothing is ever his falt its always that i was a fat lazy bitch cuz he worked i was just like his mom who was an alcoholic because i never knew what i was talking about.... i got tired of it and left. trust me you are better off without him honey. now i have the man of my dreams and soon to be married... and hopefully the same thing will happen with you... i wish you the best for you and your kids.... and i hope you dont mind me saying it but i hope the guy gets his eyes gouged out by a cute little kitty with rabies

Cheryl - posted on 02/24/2010

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The person you are with is supposed to build you up not knock you down. If he really carede about you and loved you he would not treat you that way. Parents set the example for their kids as to how they should accept being treated in their adult lives. You don't want them to think they should allow themselves to be treated that way. Would you tell your kids it is acceptable to be treated that way, I doubt it. So why should you allow yourself to be treated that way.

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