when husband takes brother opinion

Rose - posted on 12/28/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I was told by brother in law I shouldn't have bought too many presents for xmas for grandbaby and didn't buy for kid my daughter is 18 and didn't deserve it so my husband says everyone is entitled to opinion we don't speak I told him don't want to spend new years with his brother he ruined christmas

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Michelle - posted on 12/29/2014

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No we don't know what you go through but my children know the rules in my house and that there are consequences if they are followed. There is no way a child of mine would be sitting playing games all day but like Jodi, my children have had rules and consequences since day 1.
YOU are the parent so you need to lay out the rules. Unfortunately, she is now 18 so is considered an adult. You can still have rules if she is living in your house but if you have let her do whatever she wants up until now, she's not going to listen to you.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2014

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So enforce the rules. If you aren't enforcing the rules, that's YOUR problem. She's your child, you should have parented her. But not buying a Christmas gift for your child just takes it to a whole other level. It is also an incredibly childish, immature way of handling an issue with your daughter. If this is a sign of your relationship with your daughter, I assure you, it will not get better and your actions will only make it worse.

And you are right, I don't know what you are going through on a daily basis because my children have rules and boundaries and I enforce them. Even the adult children. Clearly that's not something you have done or you wouldn't have to stoop so low as to not give your own daughter a gift.

I wish you all the luck in the world, but remember, to fix a relationship, someone sometimes has to be the mature one and take the high road. I'm guessing that someone won't be you. Maybe she will forgive you someday.

Rose - posted on 12/28/2014

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No just defending my rights you don't have a clue what I go through daily rules and rules she doesn't follow so

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2014

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Can I ask how on earth not buying a Christmas present is even a logical consequence for your daughter playing PS4 all day? Does your daughter live with you? If so, set up some house rules about that, and even then, if she isn't mooching of you, so what!! If not, then how is it even any of your business? But to just choose not to purchase your daughter a Christmas gift for something so ridiculously petty is really showing you are full of the Christmas spirit (read sarcasm there). You're really showing your daughter a fantastic role model on how to treat your adult children even when you aren't necessarily agreeing with their lifestyle or choices. Just cut them out of your Christmas list.

And now, because your BIL and SIL (and by the sounds of it your husband) disagree with you, you are going to show them the same Christmas spirit and start arguments over it. Way to go grandma!!! You should be proud!

Rose - posted on 12/28/2014

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Wow thanks you don't even know what I go through daily and my daughter didn't even think about giving this xmas

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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But what I'm trying to say, your BIL didn't ruin Christmas, YOU did. He gave his opinion and everyone is allowed that.
I actually agree with your BIL.

Rose - posted on 12/28/2014

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Yeah tried different approach my bro in law and sister in law just were upset cause I bought for grandbaby and not my daughter they put there nose n my business not knowing reality

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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I would be doing other things to get her off the PS4 (like taking it away) before treating her like that at Christmas. Surely this was happening for a while before Christmas for you not to give her any gifts so what did you do about it earlier?
Like I said, Christmas is a time for forgiveness and spending time with family. It's about understanding differences, not creating drama and being spiteful.

Rose - posted on 12/28/2014

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It's like uncle and aunt come and give my daughter advice against me threading have clue

Rose - posted on 12/28/2014

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Excuse me but if your daughter is just playing ps4 all day you would do the same

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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It seems a bit petty not getting your 18yo a gift because "she didn't deserve it". That's not what Christmas is about.
To me it sounds like you ruined Christmas. This sounds like it should be a school yard argument, how about YOU grow up and stop acting like a 5yo.

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