when is okay to tell a friend how to parent?

Chelsea - posted on 08/31/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I know that I don't like it when someone tells me what to do with my little girl. I really can't stand it. I am the parent not them. I have a friend that has children and does things her own way and it drives me crazy, there are certain things you aren't suppose to do but she still does them. She has pulled her child out of the carseat and nursed them in a moving car. Thats just one example. I don't know what oto do with her, I have suggested many things to her but she doesn't listen or doesn't care. Is there suggestions for me to help her with her parenting skills? I love her to death but sometimes I wonder why she does the things she does.

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Jane - posted on 08/31/2009

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if she's nursing her like that then the reason she's doing it is b/c she loves her. but she needs to learn that things can wait in situations like that. you could suggest that it is dangerous and wouldn't it be better to get her home safely/pull over and not chance anything horrible happening? i am very quick to meet my 2-yr olds need b/c she's my first, w/my 7-month old, i'm more relaxed. you could say something like, "i can see how much you love her so let's get home where you're both safe so we don't chance anything horrible happening to either of you." and if you're driving, pull over, let her know how important it is to you, that nothing horrible happen. besides, there were millions of years w/out baby monitors, i'm sure the rest of the world cried for a bit before they were heard to be nursed, changed or burped. i think it make for a better adjusted person. maybe your friend had horrible parents and she wants to be sure she doesn't fall into that category.

Karrie - posted on 08/31/2009

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It's sometimes best to just remind yourself that everyone does everything differently. As long as the child is not in imminent danger then you may have to just bite your tongue. Otherwise try saying it from a concerned approach. Such as, "I'm really concerned when you.....because I really care." I"ve worked in many situations with "at-risk" families & have had to deliver constructive criticism often. As long as you make it clear you are not there to judge just to help, it usually make's it less awkward.

Chelsea - posted on 08/31/2009

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thanks, I have tried to make suggestions to her but I don't know what to do anymore. I know she loves her kids with all her heart but sometimes I think to myself what is she doing. I have a 9 month old little girl and I am learning as a go but she has an older child that she did the same things with and still didn't learn her lesson.

Sherry - posted on 08/31/2009

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Oooh, I so know how you feel. I have a friend like that myself! I tend to avoid her altogether just to avoid the confrontation. There is no right or easy way to say something, i have before with this friend, and it only created tension & awkwardness. We went a few days without talking. We all have our guard up when it comes to parenting. Maybe try throwing out subtle but direct hints.... Goodluck!

Sherry - posted on 08/31/2009

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Oooh, I so know how you feel. I have a friend like that myself! I tend to avoid her altogether just to avoid the confrontation. There is no right or easy way to say something, i have before with this friend, and it only created tension & awkwardness. We went a few days without talking. We all have our guard up when it comes to parenting. Maybe try throwing out subtle but direct hints.... Goodluck!

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