When parents don't let their kids play with m son

Sabrina - posted on 08/07/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My 7yr son goes to karate at a local mall 3 days a week. I bring my 4 yr old with me. In the hall in front of the dojo there are benches, tables & toddler rides.

My 4 yr old made friends with another of the kids there. One evening they were on the rides and playing tag. Nothing rough. The mall was not that busy and not too many people were around. I went to take my son potty and when I returned they were gone. They came back a short time later.

When my son called to the little girl she kept saying "no". I'm not sure if i'm being too paranoid. But it seems to me that this mom doesn't want her child playing with my son. She never said that she had a problem with him before. I wish she would just tell me. They've been playmates for over a year now.

What should I do??? They are there every week. If my son starts playing with her should I keep him away? What is the best way of handling this? I don't want to be rude, but i think it's more rude to duck out of a situation like she did. Thanks for the help:) I'm just at a loss. My son is such a sweet little boy. Just simply confused?!?!?!

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Carol - posted on 08/08/2009

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I completely agree with Jennifer you don't want to jump to conclusions too quickly then you may sound paranoid. If she continues to keep her child away from your child you can ask her then.

Wendy - posted on 08/07/2009

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hi i would approach the mum and aske if everything is okay this has happened to me with my son and I fretted over it, I then took the step and approached the mum and things were sorted very quickly and the children were back playing hope this helps

Joan - posted on 08/07/2009

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Sounds like you are in a sticky situation. And, as far as I can tell, your son has done nothing wrong. If you are friends with the other mother, I might suggest that you try to open up a conversation. Just a simple one, asking her how she is and such. I would let the kids go ahead and play if it begins. Just see how it goes. If you are very upset, you might call the other mother and ask her if she and her daughter are ok. Tell her that you noticed last time they played that it seemed that something was wrong and that you were concerned. That way, it is in her court. She can say what ever she likes and you don't sound "paranoid" but you actually sound like a friend who cares. I had the same thing happen to me recently and that is the way I handled it. I found out that it was not me after all and it brought her behavior to her attention. Good luck, hope to read how it turns out. Take care

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Marcie - posted on 08/15/2009

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You are not wrong! Your children do not need to play with them anymore because there is more to her story. Unfortunately not all nice children are in nice environments. You told your children right. She and her husband has some major issues.

Sabrina - posted on 08/14/2009

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I have spoken to the mom...she said the reason is that her husband think kids shouldn't be disciplined. They are running all over her @ home and she is trying to gain some kind of control. She thinks that my kids are out of control and are a bad influence. I told her that's her opinion and that's fine.. No hard feelings... My boys just love people and get excited when they play...They really mean no harm....I had quite a lenghy discussion. Which will probably fill the page if I repeat it. but in so many words. i said that if you don't want your kids being social recluses, they need to experience playing with others. She in another chat said that she gets very nervous in public with the kids and ends up going home. My oldest was really hurt cause the mom said it to him. Her oldest is in karate with my son. That's when I spoke up. I excused ourselves. Explained that different families have rules for them and we need to respect that. He said that it still wasn't nice. I agreed, but that's how it is. But don't take it personally. It's not you, it's them...just move on. you have lots of nice friends that you can play with.....It's not the little girl, she wants to play....It's the mom who has the problem...To me I think it's just best to keep them apart.......or am I wrong??????

Stephanie - posted on 08/13/2009

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I would say if you want to talk to the little girls mom that would be a good start. I have a little girl and a little boy. Sometime my little girl will be playing around with a little boy and i will pull her to the said and talk to her and tell hehr she can't play with him. It has nothing to do with the little boy but she is a little girl and she should act like it. There are just some games she can't play and some things she can't do with boys. Its the same with my son. Sometime i have to pull him to the side and talk to him and about how he is playing with the little girls.

They Call Me Mom! - posted on 08/13/2009

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Have you spoken to the mother on this? It may feel awkward and uncomfortable, but it is better to know what is going on rather than to speculate.

Boys are boys and sometimes they can get a little rough. Who knows what this person's issue is unless you ask her. It doesn't have to be a nasty confrontation. It can simply be that you know the kids seemed to get along and play well together and you are wondering if something happened that you need to be made aware of.

You can do it. It is best to communicate than wonder.

Marcie - posted on 08/11/2009

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I would start a conversation like this, " I noticed that your daughter seems to be avoiding my son. Did something happen? They have played so well together for the last year and I was just wondering what could have changed and why." See what the mom's response is and take it from there. It's unfair to both of the children and yourself to just sweep it under the rug.

Sabrina - posted on 08/09/2009

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If the kids want to play that's how it's gonna be. If the parents say something, I think I'll ask if something happened. Otherwise I'm just gonna let a dead dog lie. Pardon the pun. I am so glad to have found this site. I don't have many girlfriends I can bounce things off of. I have my sister & mom of course. But it helps when I have others who can understand things. Thanks to everyone. I truly appreciate the help:)

Rachel - posted on 08/09/2009

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I think that you should let him play with her if he wants to next time. Then just watch. If you see the parents discouraging their daughter from playing with him, just ask them if your son did anything to upset them. If they don't do anything when your son is playing with their daughter, then I wouldn't worry.

Fredricka - posted on 08/09/2009

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I WOULDNT EVEN SWEAT THAT IF I WERE YOU. SOME PARENTS SOMETIMES DONT WANT THEIR CHILD TO GO FROM THEIR SIDE, MAYBE THE OTHER CHILD WA SICK, OR THE PARENT COULD HAVE JUST BEEN HAVING A BAD DAY. IF YOUR SON CONTINUES TO PLAY WITH HER AND HER PARENT DOESNT SAY ANYTHING THEN LET IT GO. ITS NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH FOR YOU TO ASK HER MOTHER OR FATHER WHATS THE PROBLEM. AS LONG AS YOU KNOW THAT YOU OR YOUR SON HASNT DONE ANYTHING WRONG, THEN OH WELL. ITS THEN HER LOST FOR NOT HAVING A GOOD FRIEND IN HER CHILDS LIFE. IF IT ISNT LIFE THREATING, DONT SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS. I HOPE ALL IS WELL. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

Martha - posted on 08/09/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

Do you think the little girl was being fickle and perhaps saying "no" at the time but not meaning "no" forever? Wait and see what happens the next time you see her. Maybe they'll start playing again like nothing happened. If not, you can always ask the mother if everything is okay. I wouldn't worry about it unless it continues to happen. Then I would talk to the mother to see if something happened that upset the child.


I agree....kids are rude sometimes, specially at this age when they are learning bounderies and limitations...and GIRLS oh yeah, we really know how to do it!.



Don't worry....if it continues, then ask the mom......kids are very good at fixing these situations too ;)

Sabrina - posted on 08/09/2009

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I just wanted to update what happened on Saturday. I saw this mom again. The kids started to play. While they played, we chatted. I brought up what happened the other day. The reason she left was that the kids are running all over her at home. Her husband lets them run wild and doesn't back her up on anything. So she is trying to gain some kind of control.
I told her that I never intended to let her child get too out of hand. She has 2 girls. When they play, they are fairly quiet. I explained to her that boys sometimes are very different when they play. With mine they can get very rough. But I told her I would never let anyone else's kids get hurt. I do remind my kids that they need to consider others and play with respect.
So I said to her that I misinterpreted what was going on and I apologized for thinking that she didn't want her child playing with mine. We got a laugh out of it.
Interestingly enough, I was going to check on my son when she called her daughter over. She refused to go to her mom. I stepped in and told the girl to go to her mom, I let her know she wasn't in trouble and to listen to her mom. She went right over. The mom thanked me. She asked what I said to get her to come. When I let her know what I said. She had never thought of saying something like that. I suggested for her to tell the kids: just because I call you doesn't mean you are in trouble. She said that's where she's going wrong.
I really feel bad for her cause it's almost like she's a single parent with a man in her house. He works long hours and plays in a band. So basically he's never home.
I want to thank everyone for the advice. It really was a good thing that I did say something in this case. The best thing is that my son has his little friend to play with.

Sabrina - posted on 08/08/2009

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Thanks Jennifer......

My mother was also with me. She said that after I left, the mom & daughter went around the corner. The way the little girl looked when she came back. she definately had a talkin' to. The little girl wouldn't even talk to my mom. And just before she left, they were talking away. I'm just gonna talk to the mom see what she says. I know she's a nervous person. So it maybe just that. who knows. But when I do talk to her, I'll let everyone know what happened:) Thanks for the help.......

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Do you think the little girl was being fickle and perhaps saying "no" at the time but not meaning "no" forever? Wait and see what happens the next time you see her. Maybe they'll start playing again like nothing happened. If not, you can always ask the mother if everything is okay. I wouldn't worry about it unless it continues to happen. Then I would talk to the mother to see if something happened that upset the child.

Sabrina - posted on 08/07/2009

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Joan, Wendy & Clara~

Thanks for the advice. I'm not really mad. Just very confused. The other mom & I only talk while we are waiting for our kids. Not friends like we hang out.
If she thought that playing tag in the mall or hide-n-seek (where we can see them) with no one else in the way was inappropriate. I would of liked for her to say something. I would've stopped the whole thing. But for me as long as the kids are not making too much fuss & no one almost getting hurt. Then it's OK.
If someone knows of a way for (2) 4 yr olds to sit perfectly still & quiet for an hour or sometimes more. Please let me know. Cause I really like to know the secret to that. LOL...I believe in letting kids be kids. As long as it's safe:) Just use common sense and judge the situation. To me it's really not rocket science. But I may just start a friendly talk next time I see her. Thanks again:)

Ciara - posted on 08/07/2009

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I agree with the first 2 posters, approach the mother nicely and make conversation.. ask if there is anything wrong and go from there. Best of luck!!

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