When to Shower?

Hope - posted on 10/30/2011 ( 37 moms have responded )

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I'm a single, stay at home mom and have very little (actually no) alone time for myself.. (My son still to this day sleeps less than six hours a night and it is non consecutive.)

The only time I ever get a chance to get a shower is when I put his toys in the back of the tub and he plays while I get cleaned up for the day. This has worked decently for us so far but now he is almost 17 months, and has a baby sister on the way in less than two months. He has been starting to point out different body parts, but I'm not sure if this is just because he is noticing they are there or if he notices they are different from his.



So, basically, I am wondering if your son showered with you-at what age did he stop and start showering on his own, and what did you do to occupy him so you could shower? Any advice would be much appreciated =)







ADDITION:

Thank you all for your suggestions. =) I really wish I did have someone to watch him for even 15 minutes so I could shower, but his dad is out of the picture. And I have tried the pack-n-play, but since 10 months he has been able to climb out of the pack-n-play and his crib so I have gotten rid of them for safety reasons.



As far as putting him in the bath room with toys.. I have tried that route too. Hopefully as he gets older he will sit still and play with them. Just right now he LOVES water more than anything. Even if he hears water running in the kitchen he runs into the room and pushes a chair over so he can touch it. In the bath room if I don't put him in the shower with me he climbs in clothes, toys, and all. Lol.



I think another suggestion I saw a few times that I have tried is TV. Even through the day I have tried to turn the TV on to get a couple chores done without him being attached to my hip and he gets bored after the first ten minutes, and finds something to climb on or get into for attention =/



One suggestion I think I am going to try is nap time. I know he hasn't take naps since about 4 months old, but a nurse recently told me that adding one 90 minute nap some where in the middle of his day can help him sleep better at night. I think I'm going to give it a try, and if I can get him down then I will shower alone then... But until then he will probably just continue to shower with me =)

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[deleted account]

Showering with you is fine. I never showered with J but he is 7 now and still sees me naked on occasion. I usually cover up, but he's walked in more often than you'd think. He knows we're different, but because he knows the differences and he knows the body is nothing to be ashamed of he is less curious about it, and more open to asking questions than trying to dig up info on his own...which would be inaccurate anyway.

What concerns me is what you said about your child's sleep. My son was diagnosed with insomnia during his first week, and it lasted into his 4th year. It caused neurological damage, stunted his growth, and delayed some of his physical milestones (like getting teeth and rolling over). His case was very severe and he was seen by several specialists and written about in several articles and even he was sleeping 7-8 hours for every 24 hours period. If your child is sleeping that little, he NEEDS to be seen and evaluated. Effects of insomnia can be very serious.

Audra - posted on 11/04/2011

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In response to "naps" - I read somewhere that I should try putting my son to sleep on 90 minute intervals. If he wakes up at 7am, then I should try to put him down for a nap at either 10am, 11:30am, or 1pm. If he wakes up from a nap at 3pm, then I should try to put him down for the night at 6pm or 7:30pm. The basis being that him being tired would 'peak' every 90 minutes.

Otherwise, for his age and abilities (climbing out of his pack 'n' play) if there is no one to take him while you shower, I don't think him noticing (and even asking questions) about body parts has to force you out of showering with him. It's an opportunity to mention that you each have certain parts, and to 'discuss' (as much as you can with a 17-month-old) what's appropriate and not appropriate. "Mommy and (your son's name) can shower together until he is a bit older..." (Perhaps until he's old enough to busy himself while you shower alone.) "Certain parts are private and shouldn't be touched, unless Mommy is changing your diaper..." etc. based on how you would like to proceed in teaching him about what's appropriate/not appropriate. As his parent, you help define for him how to go about life and kids are smart and want information - it's appropriate for you to discuss sensitive topics with him.

Cindy - posted on 11/01/2011

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I shower in our en suite. I used a playpen and would put a movie or cartoons on the tv. So many people will say not to do that but it was my only option and it worked. Put a door lock on the bedroom door so he can't leave the room. If you don't have an ensuite, invest in a small portable dvd player and some cartoon dvd's. You need your alone time and a shower is as good as any time to get it! Good luck

[deleted account]

My son is 3.5 and he showers w/ me most of the time. We shower after dinner. I am also a single mom, but I've got two older girls that keep an eye on him when he doesn't shower w/ me. The pointing and questioning didn't bother me. I just answered him.

The sleep thing would definitely have me concerned and trying to find a way to change though.

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Trinity - posted on 11/17/2011

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I have 2 1/2 yr old twin boys and a husband who works constantly. so i feel like a single mom. My boys would shower with me until recently, now i close them in my bedroom, leave bathroom door open, and put a bunch of books on my bed, keeps them entertained. :) good luck

Brianna - posted on 11/13/2011

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i have a bathroom attached to my bedroom. I also have a tv in my bedroom so i put my daughter in her highchair and put it in the bathroom doorway so i can watch her and i turn the tv on for her to watch (she can see it from the bathroom doorway) and she eats a snack. and i dont have a shower curtain i have a clean glass shower door so i can see her at all times.

Paulette - posted on 11/13/2011

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I have a 3.5 yr old son and he still showers with me. I give him a quick wash then get him toys and let him play in the tub while I shower. After I'm done I bath him. We have discussed his body part when he started asking questions. I kept it very educational and we move on. Because I have issues with being clean (a touch of OCD) I would never think of letting him play in the bathroom without being washed. I am also a single mother. I think it's fine for him to still shower with you.
As for sleep..my son will not nap most days because he will only nap if nursed. I was hoping to wean him...but he is so darn strong willed. Everything is a challenge with him! But I do get him to sleep 9-10 hours at night. As long as your son is healthy is what matters...but a little quiet time is great. Do you still have a 1hour quiet time for him to at least cool down. With baby2 on the way you're going to need nap time.

Angel - posted on 11/13/2011

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I used to strap my son in his carseat and put him infront of the tv so I could shower, guess what, he has turned out just fine, he will be 4 on the 22nd. I think u could try that, and yea he might cry and not like it, but it doesnt take u that long to shower and he will get used to it and I noticed my son would often fall asleep when I did that and Id just let him go until he woke up so there's also a plus if ur son is lacking in the nap department like mine did! Also talk to ur pediatrician, your son might be too young for it yet, but mine recommended sleep well melatonin for at bedtime, its a natural herbal supplement our bodies produce so we get tired and many children lack it, so he gets 2 drops b4 bed and he falls asleep fast and stays asleep.

Rebekah - posted on 11/12/2011

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I never showered/bathed with my kids. At first they sat in a bouncy chair, then a jumperoo, then played in the bathroom, and then were allowed to watch TV in my bedroom while I showered. I've always just tried to take pretty quick showers... 3-5 minutes.

And I will certainly agree with your nurse, he NEEDS a nap so he'll sleep longer at night. An overly tired baby will sleep much less than a child that is getting the age appropriate amount of rest.

Liz - posted on 11/12/2011

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Sorry I didn't take the time to read everyone else's comments, so maybe this was already suggested. I shower when my kids are eating breakfast. Of course, I leave the door open so I can hear them but this way they are occupied and I know they're not getting into things. My kids are 4, 3 and almost 2, so they're a little older than yours but I have been doing this for a good year now and it's worked great for me! Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you!

Dana - posted on 11/12/2011

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I take a shower after my kids go to bed about 10 about an hour to make sure my kids are asleep

Katelin - posted on 11/11/2011

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Your son sounds a LOT like mine! My son loves water (enough that he will even make a break for his kiddie pool even when it's 50 degrees outside). He's learning how to climb up the cabinets to get to get to the faucet in the kitchen when it's running. I take him in the shower with me when I can't wait any longer. I give him a washcloth so he can "wash the walls". He just messes around till I'm done, then I scrub him up and we hop out. USUALLY though I will hop into the shower really quick when he takes his midday nap or after I put him down in the evening. I take pretty quick showers though so it's not usually a big deal. I have been wondering about when I should stop putting him in the shower with me though. He's almost 2. He knows "boob" but that's about it, lol. He doesn't seem to be interested in differences but I know that's coming.

Katie - posted on 11/11/2011

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Bring him in the bathroom in his bouncer with toys and keep the door open! shower in peace and knowing he is fine! I use to do it all the time! I know its hard being a single mom, with no fam.props to you!

Karri - posted on 11/08/2011

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about 15 minutes after I put my son to bed knowing he is asleep I hop in the shower....get one every night!

Audra - posted on 11/08/2011

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You must have neighbors. You may not know them yet, but this would be a great time to start introducing yourself. Find the other mothers, or single women, on your street. First of all, it does wonders to just talk with another woman. But you might find someone to take your son for an hour, perhaps just once a week to start with. You need a quiet moment, and I find that I can't TRULY relax unless my babies are with someone. Even then, sometimes it's hard to relax if I can hear them. If your son is away on a play date, you'll know he's safe and you'll have a quiet house to yourself for a stretch. You should do all you can to get into the habit now of scheduling these 'play-dates' because you'll really need an outlet once you have TWO.

Michele - posted on 11/08/2011

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There has to be something you can put him in to confine him for 10 min. A playpen, exersaucer, jumpy, highchair, swing? I think it's important for all of us as moms to have a little time for ourselves a shower,to me, is a guilty pleasure I look forward too! I have twin boys, I usually shower @ night when hubby gets home but there have been times I didn't shower @ night so in the morning I wait for a nap or I put them in their play yard and leave the bathroom door open.

Jennifer - posted on 11/07/2011

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I have 3 kids 3 and under and none have ever showered with me. I just pick a time in the am depending on if we are going out and give them free reign of te house for 10 minutes. (sometimes 5;) it's the only option I have other then waking up early but our house is so small the shower will wake the oldest one up. We have a fairly child proof house so they are safe. The odd time they get in the fridge and make a mess and if they are having a bad day where they are not getting along and fighting I just don't shower till bed time or hubby gets home. And sometimes when my girlfriends come for a play date I'll sneak in the shower then. That's what friends are for :)

Christina - posted on 11/06/2011

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Do you have a high chair? With my 2 year old I give her food, turn on the tv, and hop in the shower. As soon as I am done I check on her and finish dressing and doing my hair. She is always really good about waiting for me.

Trisha - posted on 11/06/2011

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I had the same problem! I couldn't figure out when to shower when I had her, which was all the time. I found out that putting her in a booster seat, one that you can sit on the ground and has a safety belt, in the bathroom with me helped. I played a peek-a-boo game with her by peeking out from the shower curtain. I also talked to her when she babbled. She loved it! You should try it. This definitely would work for a 15 minute shower.

Tina - posted on 11/04/2011

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Sleep begets more sleep for sure - so try to get him on a schedule...I find that if my 3 YO goes down at 7.30 she wakes at 6am - but if I get her to bed by 7pm she magically sleeps till 7 or 7.30...and also has less nightmares that keep her from getting a good nights sleep.
Regarding the shower - I have all girls - but growing up I never thought much of my parents walking around the house naked...

Jenna - posted on 11/04/2011

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My sons all showered with me even up until ages four and five. When they got to be old enough for school and possibly talking about showering with me, that's when I stopped. Of course they will notice different parts, I just tell them I'm a girl and have girl parts and they are boys and have boy parts.

I think the first thing you need to address is why a 17-month-old is only sleeping 6 hours at night. Your nurse was right--sleep begets sleep and having a nap in there should help with night time sleep. He needs to have a consistent bedtime routine every night. When he wakes at night, you need to let him cry. If he really screams, comfort him, but do so without turning on the light, without making eye contact. Just pick him up, soothe him, tell him he needs to sleep and put him back down. If he cries a little more, that's okay.

Once he's sleeping better, then you can be sure to get up 15 minutes before he is expected to wake up and shower then. You could always shower at night just after putting him to bed too.

I am sorry about his no-nap, no-night time sleep. That would be incredibly exhausting. I have five kids and not all of them have been stellar sleepers (we definitely have nighttime wakings around here) but for the most part, they sleep long hours at night and have napped during the day until at least the age of three. Try taking a look at "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Best book I ever got when having kids. It's our sleep bible around here and even after five kids, we still refer to it when we start having sleep issues.

Alicia - posted on 11/03/2011

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i put my daughter in her room with the door open and baby gate up, my bathroom is literally right next door, so then i shower with the door open. my daughter also LOVES water.

Hope - posted on 11/03/2011

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Kelly: (and any one else that is concerned about sleep patterns) The doctor thinks he just hasn't learnt how to calm him self down since he has been sick a lot since he was born (frequent ear infections, GERD, asthma, etc). He wakes up nearly every 60 minutes all though the night so they think that is basically the end of his sleep cycle and he doesn't know how to put him self back down. They said some kids just don't need 8-10 hours and since he is far ahead on all his developmental and physical milestones they don't seems too concerned.

As for naps-he very rarely takes one. If I have my day care kids he may sleep for an hour in the car when I go to pick them up from the bus stop, but on a daily basis if we are home all day he doesn't nap at all. He is on the move from the time he wakes up until I make him lay down at night.

[deleted account]

Depending on the space in your bathroom, I'd drag in the play-pen and let him enjoy some play time while you have your shower.
No matter whether you're a single mom of one or twelve, or a married mom with brood of her own - you have to make time for yourself. You children will survive without you for a little while, and even if you're just asking your neighbour or the 11 year old down the street to hang out with your kids for 20 minutes, you need to take that time for yourself.
Your children will not thrive to their full potential if you don't give them a chance to discover things for themselves, and if you're distracted and over tired, you won't have the time and energy to help them on their way either.

Take care of mommy!!!

LeAnn - posted on 11/01/2011

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I have 1 of both genders, and neither of my kids showered with me. I would always wait til they were asleep before getting in a shower or til at least daddy was home and could take care of them. knowing you said you are a single parent, that won't quite work for you, but you can try at least waiting til he's asleep to get a quick shower... if you don't want to do that, you can always just sit him on the floor in the bathroom, where he can't reach anything harmful of course, with toys to occupy him and having the door closed so he can't escape and you can keep an eye/ear on him as well...
good luck with what you decide to do

Tabitha - posted on 11/01/2011

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My oldest son is two and my youngest son is two months , depending on his mood i some times let him shower with me but most of the time I have a special toy that only comes out for my shower time and he sits on the floor in the bathroom and plays with it while i shower, now in regards to my two month old he just sits in his bouncer while i clean up

Lindsay "Lindy" - posted on 11/01/2011

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My 4 year old son takes showers with me each morning, sometimes when I want alone time in the shower my hubby will take care of him or I wait till he has an afternoon nap.

Stifler's - posted on 10/31/2011

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Does he watch tv? My kid is entertained by tv while I shower sometimes in the afternoons.

Kelina - posted on 10/31/2011

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i showered with my son until i got too fat for him to fit in the tub lol. That was about two weeks before my daughter was born. After that I usually showered during naptime, but if naptime is not an option for you after baby is born, you could try putting baby in the bouncer while you shower and your son in the tub. I did that a few times after my daughter was born, actually until she was big enough that being in the swing or bouncy chair made her scream rather than stay quiet lol.

Crystal - posted on 10/31/2011

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I've only showered a couple times with my kids (boy and girl) ... and this is when they were around age 2. they are now 3&6. As far as keeping your child occupied while you shower ... put him in a play pen with some toys in your room or hall with the bathroom door open, or in his highchair with some snacks. Worked for me when my kids were that age! :)

[deleted account]

I agree with Kelly. Does he sleep a lot in the daytime to make up for his lack of night sleep? His sleep sounds like a concern...

Karen - posted on 10/31/2011

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my son is 25 months and i still shower with him occasionally. i don't think i'll be letting him shower alone anytime soon as i feel he's too little to be standing in the slippery tub alone. i clean him first then i sit him down and he likes to use his tub crayons to draw on the sides of the tub while i shower. during the week when i have to shower quickly in order to get somewhere i put him in his bed (he's in a big bed but won't get off of it unless i take him off) and give him some books to look at or his doodle board while i shower (i leave the door open so i can hear him/see him - his bedroom is directly across from the bathroom).

Amanda - posted on 10/31/2011

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My son is 3 1/2 and will still on occassion hop in the shower with me. I also have a 2 yr old daughter so they sometimes play together while I shower with the door open. Usually they are in the bathroom with me seeing what I'm doing and trying to get in.

Medic - posted on 10/30/2011

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Wow single with one and one on the way, your brave. I showered with my son till 3 or 4. If he was not showering with me and I needed him occupied I would just lock him in the bathroom with me and some toys. I had baby locks on the toilet and cabinets.

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