Whose husband here feels the same?

Chelle - posted on 05/07/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

203

23

29

Hey i am the mother of a beautiful 18 month old and am currently 11 weeks pregnant with our second.



Despite the fact that WE actively tried to get pregnant, i was later told- about a month ago- in the name of honesty, that my hubby does not want a second baby and that he does not feel excited about this one because it is no longer novel.



Now although we have overcome a number of these issues since i am curious to know if its quite common for a father to not be as excited by his second child and if so, do they state similar reasons for this?? Any thoughts or similar experiences would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance :)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Melissa - posted on 05/07/2010

160

25

21

I think my husband was the same way. I always asked him why he didn't seem excited and he would always say that he knows what to expect now but that he was excited. I think that guys think that every pregnancy is the same so they don't feel the need to get excited if they already know what's going to happen. Even though we know that every prenancy is different and now after having our second child my husband has figured that out too. He will be excited when the baby is born, don't worry.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

23 Comments

View replies by

Jane - posted on 05/11/2010

1,488

32

227

maybe he's stressed about the responsibility of providing and that they'll be so close in age. i'm sure he'll soften when the baby gets here.

Lauren - posted on 05/11/2010

35

8

4

I have a 6 year old son and 2 1/2 yr daughter. Found it interesting that my husband was very much for our first...in fact he seemed to want a child more than me and was almost down right pressuring me to get pregnant. Was me that initiated the "second baby" conversation...his response. "It's up to you"....nice.

He seemed involved the first time round,and not so much for the second, but was over the moon when our daughter was born.

Your husband will be too!

Enjoy your pregnancy and try not stress yourself out over it. Take care of you and your precious baby!

Rebecca - posted on 05/10/2010

3

34

0

I am still pregnant with my first, and my husband already wants another lol. But one of my friends just had her second daughter and her husband at first was not thrilled at the thought of it, and when she finally had the baby he was thrilled and actually cried. I could be wrong here, but I really do think that he will warm up to the idea sooner or later! Good luck and congrats!

Chelle - posted on 05/10/2010

203

23

29

Bless you all for your time, comments and support. It is comforting to hear there are others in the same boat. I think the hardest thing was that my hubby - after the first 3 months- was SOO into the first pregnancy and went to every appointment with me, copied the heart beat so it was his ring tone, you name it, the works, and to go from that to none of that really, has been quite the adjustment especially was we have always had a strong emotional connection with each other.

However i have also found that as of me deciding to just not let this bother me anymore and that everything will be fine, we are again becoming closer and occassionally he has touched my belly with genuine feeling. I know it will be ok too. And yes, he really wants it to be a girl this time as well!

Sherry - posted on 05/10/2010

305

59

9

sweety I'm not even all that sure my man was all that excited about the first one...

Cheri - posted on 05/10/2010

203

34

19

My husband was 100% the same way and was even less excited because I was having a boy and he wanted all girls. lol to bad for him. He use to say things like Breanna is always going to be my fav. and things like that. Even after the baby came he wasn't to thrilled but now that my son can run and play. He is now daddy's little boy. They play all the time. He is even better then he was with my daughter.

CarrieAnn - posted on 05/10/2010

92

79

3

My guess is he is remembering the lack of sleep from your 18month. :) And maybe flash backs of pain you endured during pregnancy & labor. Be patient. My husband and I got pregnant unexpectedly with my son Jake and that made my 2 babies only 13 months apart. I cried for 3 days and was devastated as I wasn't wanting to endure the pain again. He had to refrain from excitement because he did want a 2nd child. While I know this is a blessing and great..sometimes it is reversed. I have no regrets..but you ask him now about another..and it's NO WAY..it's a lot of work and hard..you know this. So maybe work on helping him through those fears of things previously endured and how you two can work together as a team to conquer the challenges this time to make it easier for you both. It may even bring you closer together! ;)

[deleted account]

My pregnancy was like yours. Hubby didn't get excited about much of anything. He went with me to the first midwife appointment... then he went back at 24 weeks when we learned the baby was a boy. Next time he went with me was when he drove me to the birth center in labor.
I put the baby's crib together.. pregnant out to THERE.... I did all the decorating, painting, (gasp) shopping, washing, folding, rewashing, refolding...... he never batted an eye.
I was SOOOOO frustrated with him!
When we came home from the hospital with that baby, he was a new man! He scurried all around the baby's room double checking what I had lovingly done over the last few months... with comments like, "ok, you have plenty of onesies." well YEAH! Cuz I worried about it beFORE the baby got here!
It didn't take long for me to run him out of the nursery. He fixed the brakes on the car, he cut the grass, he replaced a broken pane in the front window, he fixed the sticky back door, he FINALLY installed the ice maker.... on and on!
It was later that day when I realized......... HE'S NESTING! He just didn't do his nesting until the baby was HERE. It doesn't seem as 'real' for them as it does for us, we can feel the baby moving and hiccuping and its much easier for us to accept that we have a little life inside us.

[deleted account]

He'll get exited when he sees your precious baby! Just wondering wether my husband will be exited when I get pregnant? Our little girl is his stepchild, but he loves her like his own. Hmm... should we try for a baby? She might get lonely, don't know. Oh well, I'm sure your husband will come around very soon! :-)

Sarah - posted on 05/10/2010

232

22

19

My fiancee was the same way, i was begging him to feel him kicking doing everything, i am now 33 weeks along we had a huge fright about a month ago where we thought i was rh sensitized. it was shown that i was not after like 3 weeks of waiting for blood results to come back after being sent away, but he has changed since towards the baby and now seems to really excited

Sheryl - posted on 05/09/2010

714

18

67

my husbend was happy but also knowing even more after us having are first and knowing all the cost. you know men they don't go looking at the stuff. he was happy but also was like wooow! ok can we handle this! even though we new we would! i think its a man thing. cause they know it double everything. but congrats and best of wishes to you and your family!

[deleted account]

Look, my husband wasnt very excited about the first one! Its because he wasnt feeling the same things I was feeling, like movements and stuff! I understood that and once they were born, it was a totally different story because it was more "hands on".

Danielle - posted on 05/09/2010

65

24

3

i think once he starts seeing ultrasounds and holds that baby for the first time you will have nothing to worry about

[deleted account]

I have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. I'm currently pregnant with #3. My husband was excited about both of our girls, but it's me who isn't very excited about this baby. But it will take a bit because this one was sooooooooooooo not planned and my due date is 2 days before Christmas.

[deleted account]

lol men. gotta love them... *sigh* my hubby never said he didnt want a second, but we did get into an argument before she was born because he didnt go to any of my appointments with me like he did for the first, and he just didnt seem as into it as he did the first time around.... but as soon as she was born that all changed =) men are so silly sometimes...

Gina - posted on 05/08/2010

178

25

24

The first is alway the most exciting. Every one after is cool but not new territory anymore. The belly grows, baby kicks and rolls in there,dr apptmnts,ultrasounds, he knows what's comming this time. Each pregnancy is different ,but he kinda knows the rutine now,so don't worry.
With our first, we were both ecstatic! with the second, he was more excited then I was. I had the same feelings as Jonna C.'s hubby. Our oldest was 4 at the time and I was enjoying doing "big girl" things with her,I didn't want to go back to diapers and getting up all hours of the night. I wanted the baby,I just hated being pregnant again. now we have our 2 girls and we couldn't be happier.

Jonna - posted on 05/08/2010

313

32

124

I'm pregnant with my fourth baby now and my husband has not been excited with any of them. Only the second of our four was planned (I''m one of those women who get preggo on birth control) and he was not excited about that one either. All he see's is more responsibility and dollar signs and the loss of even more freedom. Babies are scary to him because he doesn't know how he will adjust when they get here. With every child he has kicked into proud papa mode soon after the baby comes. With our first it took the longest for him to like her (probably 4-6 months after she was born), but none the less he loves them all now. Cut him some slack and try and be understanding towards him too. Good Luck

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2010

68

29

8

we have 3 boys togther,, 11 yrs, 3yrs , 9 months, there is a big gap but, he didnt get to excited the 3 time around even tho it was a plan pregnancy, he didnt show it but i felt it! im not sure if it was because we were not having a girl or because it was to soon to have another baby right away, till this day i have no clue! but i can tell you one thing he loves his kids

[deleted account]

I am not married but my other half was excited and nervous and scared i would say,the think of the responsibility,a man sees when a baby is going to come into the world into his family and although of course there very happy, but the stress and worry of another mouth to feed can be top on the list before complete happy and excited feelings are shown..but the do get to that point,on my first my daughters first kicks ,i never saw him so happy,her first scan he was taken by emotion when he saw her bouncing around and moving

.Once both our girls were born he was the happiest daddy in the world ,time stood still in that moment he held them for the first time,and he still is the happiest dad in the world..



So i would give your Husband some time he is happy but overwhelmed i would guess,best of luck to you.

Louise - posted on 05/08/2010

5,429

69

2322

My husband went into shock when I told him I was pregnant with my first child even though we were trying. He went very quite and ignored the fact for several weeks. This really upset me until I asked him why and he just said that the responsibility had overwhelmed him. As soon as he saw the baby on the scan he turned into the proud dad. I have to say he was not excited with the second either and the third was a case of "oh your pregnant then!" But he is a proud dad and loves his kids to bits. Men are just strange creatures don't let him upset you, he will come round.

Chelle - posted on 05/07/2010

203

23

29

Yeah this is what i have come to realise too which is why i am not letting his comments and attitudes upset me anymore. I know it will be ok after i have the baby and he said he will love it. But it was just not something you want to hear when you already carrying his child. Espeically when he was the complete opposite when i was carrying lochie.

Elyssa - posted on 05/07/2010

71

29

6

He may not be excited now, but I'll bet that after he holds that tiny baby in his arms for the first time, all of that will change. when I got pregnant with my second child my husband wasn't as excited as I hoped he would be, now he is thrilled to have a little girl who is definitely a daddy's girl! If I were you, I wouldn't worry or put too much thought into it, because I'm betting that in 9 months, he will be thrilled to be holding that little part of him in his arms.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms