Why doesnt my man help?

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

1. He never got up once with the baby. I tried to get him to one time and he just ended up falling asleep.

2. He expects me to do everything for him for example; heating up his dinner when he can see im feeding my son or doing dishes.

3. Never EVER EVER asks me for help when im cooking dinner and feeding my son AND putting my son to bed (all at the same time)

4. I know that cleaning the house is my responsibility now because im a stay at home mom. But is that an excuse to never clean up after yourself?

5. I wake up ever morning to make my boyfriend his lunch for work and then feed my son. On the weekends i would expect him to maybe get up ONE day of the weekend so i can sleep in.. WHY DOESNT HE DO THIS??

6. I go to the gym everyday usually after my boyfriend gets home.. he puts my son on the ground or in his (jail crib) i call it .. and sits on the computer or watches TV.. it makes me not even want to go to the gym!!


There are so many additional things to these 6 that i dont understand.. Maybe you ladies can help me?? I get so frusterated and so stressed out. The more i think about trying not to get stressed and frusterated it makes it worse! I keep my mouth shut just so we can be happy.. but then it ALL builds up and i explode.. and anytime i do try and talk to him.. he ignores me or makes it out that im nagging or being annoying.. im stuck :( i dont know what to do anymore.. we love all of the same things .. love doing all of the same things.. but when i ask for a little help its like asking for the world.. what do i do??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Stifler's - posted on 07/29/2012

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Just don't do it. If he starts getting violent or whatever then leave. Don't set the precedent of being a slave for the rest of your life, things won't get better on their own.. you have to put the foot down.

Donna - posted on 07/24/2012

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While I am sure that your boyfriend appreciates you taking care of him as well, I would have a conversation with him about helping out. If it doesn't get through to him, I would stop doing so much for him so that you can take care of yourself some. As moms we forget that important factor. We want our families to be happy, but we have to take care of ourselves too. Without him helping out more, you are just draining yourself and losing yourself in your family. You have to stand up for yourself and know that you are just as important to your household as he is. I do a lot to take care of my husband in our house, but he also does a lot to take care of me as well. We share in taking care of the kids, cleaning, cooking, and school activities. He understands what it takes to make our household run, but has also had experiences that most men don't have. His wife was very sick and they had 5 small kids at home that he had to care for plus work. Eventually, she passed away, leaving him with the children as a single father. Not that I am proud of that, but he learned and grew with that. Anyhow, talk to him and let him know what your needs are.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/29/2012

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My husband says to just be straight forward with your boyfriend (any women who's dealing with a guy like this should do this) Don't dance around the subject or the guy will be like 'oh great she wants something' The more to the point you are the more likely it is he'll listen. That's how I got him to start listening too. Now my husband even puts his own laundry away.

I've never had an issue with my husband helping with our daughters. But you need to work on how you present it.

Livia - posted on 07/29/2012

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i dont know why that happens but i can tell you that the same exact thing happens with my boyfriend every day...its annoying and stressful and still he thinks hes doing everything because hes going to work he doesnt understand that i clean cook take care of our son and after coming back home from work he starts saying that im at home all day not doing nothing and then he goes out and chills with his friends. Everytime I try to tell him that I might need help he says that I am "bitching" so Im giving up. I seriously feel you.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/25/2012

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You need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend. Explain how you feel and tell him you're feeling taken advantage of. Sherri's right that men aren't mind readers (my husband is terrible sometimes too) They're also wired differently than women are so you have to give them direct instructions on what you want them to do.

You also have to consider how you've spoken to him and when because men don't comprehend things like we do.

I was feeling that way at first when I first got married and became a SAHM. But now we've started figuring things out. It'll get better, but you have to be firm and clear about what you need from him

Ana - posted on 07/25/2012

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Men sometimes...He needs to be more helpful definitely..And no men don't watch kids the way that women do..especially their own..I mean we as women have our specific ways that we feel things would be done best and men sometimes think, whats the big deal, I don't need to do all that..huff..

Since he won't help you the way you need it, you may have to find others to help you, friends, a neighbor, etc..yes it may feel embarrasing because folks will be like, don't you live with the father, but that's the way it has to be to keep the peace sometimes..you can't change people, and women who have tried to force child care on a man who doesn't really want to do it have paid very high prices, the highest, the accidental death of their child..

And as far as everything else, a man will only do what you allow him to (you've probably heard), if you require him to let you sleep in on the weekends with no SERVICE, then he has to go with it..if you require him to pick up after himself (at least try) he has to, and you've got to give him consequences.. for instance, telling him that "If I have to pick up your dirty clothes anytime this week, you agree to make your own lunches from now on"...

Some guys are jarheads and need to have their hands spanked to act right just a little bit, if he loves you he will work with you on most things...just start with one thing and work you way up..

Happy training!!

Shauna - posted on 07/25/2012

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I hear ya sista! The one thing my husband does do is lets me sleep in on the weekends, by keeping the kids out. However when I get up I find that he hasn't fed them. It drives me crazy. If anyone has an answer to this problem I am all ears. I can't even get my guy to mow the lawn or do the outside work. I work from home so I'm not soley availbale to cook and clean, but I do my best, but it's difficult when the "Man of the house" comes home and sits on his ars, while I finish work only to start houswork and continue child care. I hate the example it sets for my boys and try my best to teach them to not be that way when they are older and have significant others.

Louise - posted on 07/24/2012

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You sit him down and tell him straight that he is not helping to raise his son if all he does is sit watching tv. Tell him you need to feel loved and cherished and not taken for granted.He needs to take responsibility and look after his son at least one day a week at the weekend. You need a bit of you time in the home, without having a baby attached. Also tell him he can cook dinner at the weekend he is not at work you are! Kick his arse, if you let him get away with it he will stay like it. You may be a stay at home mum but if you did not stay at home and look after his son he would be paying for child care. Then he will realise that your services do not come free and that your payment is help and respect and a lie in a week!

Trey - posted on 07/24/2012

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To be honest, I can't give much advice as I'm in the same situation + sum as you.
How old is your little one? Maybe when he get's a bit older, he'll require more attention and your other half will have to pay attention as leaving him in 'jail' won't be enough for your little one.
I've done the whole, leave the kids at home with the other half, still he sits at the pc or tv and only when it's necessary, will he feed and change them.... It's like having another baby, one that can do everything, just won't!

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