why not another baby?

Candace - posted on 11/15/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am really wanting another baby....but, my husband doesnt want anymore. AT ALL! hes not even open minded about it ...he wont consider my feelings or nothing... i love him and my daughter whom just turned 2 and i just want another baby i am really ready yeah itll be hard but its hard NOW being a mom of just 1 and i really am ready i had a miscarriage in August when i was 7 weeks along and i was devastated!!! I wanted 3-4 kids to begin with and he wanted ALOT and now that we have our beautiful daughter he dont want anymore i just think he should compromise with me WHAT DO YOU THINK?? i would settle for 2 kids if he would but, thats the hard part!!!

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Kimberly - posted on 11/15/2009

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My sister's husband also thought that after their daughter was born. He had previously wanted a big family but once they were raising their daughter he couldn't imagine himself having to spread the love around to other children. He somehow thought that he'd have to give her less to have enough for the others. He didn't realize (as in what happened) that his love would just grow to include the others.

I hate to say this or give it as advice, but my sister finally took matters into her own hands and "got" pregnant by not telling him she was stopping her birth control. They now have their daughter and 2 little boys and the entire family is as happy as could be and my sister's husband can't imagine his life without all 3 of his kiddos. My own pediatrician told me once when my hubs wasn't around that men have a hard time visualizing a family that doesn't exist. Their minds don't work the same way ours do when it comes to dreaming and desiring those extra little bodies in our lives.

Whatever happens for you and your family I wish you all the best and all the happiness. You are most definitely a wonderful mother already and will continue to be, whether it be to one child or more. Best to you! :)

PS - My own personal opinion is that one member of a marriage should not be able to have "final" say in the size of a family, but then again, if both parties cannot agree, who breaks the tie? I say the person with the uterus and ovulation cycle gets to decide!!! :D (Just a little laugh for ya, hopefully.) Loves.

Mattie - posted on 11/15/2009

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you little missy need to think about EVERYTHING when it comes to another baby. Candace, look at me. You see how hard it is for me and I want you to know that you 2 are stable before having more kids. I know that its a fun experience and family is EVERYTHING to us, but girl slow down. There are so many things that you can do with yourself other than just being a mommy. I hope someday you can have another child, but give it a little while and it will for sure happen. Spend everyday with faith like shes your all and devote this time to her. Her first couple of years are what define her and who she will be later. I wish mikaela would have had more time to experience me to herself.. and i hope she will be fine with the twins coming. but like i already know, having more than one is really hard.. keep your head up. i love you.

Sarah - posted on 11/15/2009

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Maybe he is grieving the loss of your one in August still. Or maybe he did not realize how much work it is to raise kids. A 2-yr old can be a handful and maybe he is not sure if he could do another one right now (even if much of the care is handled by you). I find that men often are worried about the finances and how they are going to care for their family. I would give him time. I know that that is not easy, but "forcing" him to side with you will not be good. You then will hate that he is not helping out when he knows that you are tired and caring for two kids. That also makes it not fair for either of the kids. They should have a mom and a dad that are fully involved in parenting and wanting to be involved. I know this is not "the" answer, but what you may want to do while you wait for him to get to a point to where he is ready is volunteer or babysit little ones. I started doing day care for many reasons but on reason was because I love little kids. I am able to get my fill of babies during the day.

Tara - posted on 11/15/2009

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Has he said why he decided he doesn't want anymore after saying he wanted lots of kids? You mentioned a miscarriage in August and that you were devastated - is part of his reasoning that he doesn't want you to go through that pain again? Or maybe he's worried about another miscarriage? I would talk to him, probably after your daughter has gone to bed, and just ask him why he doesn't want any more now. It's quite possible that it's just fear - of possible miscarriage, money issues, etc.

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