Why staying at home is important & day care is bad....

Bridgette - posted on 04/15/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

112

103

14

If you aren't sure about daycare check out these blogs by Dr. Laura.

http://www.drlaurablog.com/

click on the links for Stay at home Moms; daycare; preschool; etc



Same for those who are tired of being down graded for staying home. Dr. Laura has a good rebutal on a youtube video. The link is on her blog list also.



Here's my reply to those who down grade me:

"I'm an educated woman with two degrees. I believe these women's rights you are trying to defend give ME the RIGHT to CHOOSE to raise the children that God blessed me with. I'm a firm believer in if I have them I must raise them. I have time for a career once my children are grown and out of the house. I give them everything they need and they need their mom--I'm working my Child Psychology degree. You can't argue with facts. No a daycare can not provide the care that I can give them. A daycare worker is over extended 12-15 kids per adult. Can you raise 12-15 kids everyday. I doubt it....it's very hard. I have worked in preschools, these kids are their from 6AM to 6PM. What kind of life is that?"

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sandra - posted on 04/15/2009

39

19

2

I'm kinda the wrong person to quote here, because i AM a stay at home mom but i am also running a private dayhome to allow me to stay at home. I believe that raising your own kids allows you the satisfaction in knowing that you are solely responsible in their education and upbringing. Also, I was raised by my stay at home mom and i absolutely loved the relationship and trust that i had with my mother. i agree with Bridgette about "if you have them, you should raise them." I absolutely hate seeing people at the store who allow their kids to touch everything and torment the other customers... If you cant even spend the time to teach your own kids manners, then why would you continue to have them? I also agree that public daycares are not safe or caring environments. My nearest darecare (and one more reason to convince me to start my own dayhome) recently had a boy who would bite the others non-stop and that daycare claimed they couldnt do anything to stop him. would you feel comfortable knowing that you were bringing your baby or child to daycare everyday for him to be bitten or abused by one of the other children? there are way too many kids per adults in those places and much goes unseen. wereas my private day HOME allows me to watch and ensure the safety and fairplay of a handful of children instead of a dozen. i also do creative activities with them to help stimulate them and create a learning environment. i wouldnt want my boy in a daycare so i strive to make my dayhome the kind of environment i would want my boy being in if he had to be in someone elses care. that being said... i dont dissapprove of mothers that work either, im just saying that they might need to be more concerned in their childrens lives and in the environments that they place their kids in. Although daycare does help you get on with your life, they arent intended to raise your kids for you... you still have to be the parent, the supporter and the teacher

20 Comments

View replies by

Colette - posted on 10/04/2009

3

1

0

For some of us day care is necessity.

I want my daughter have the future I had planned for her. Not the crappy one presented when he father disappeared.

I am re-educating in the hope that I can financially support her through her education and help out with all the things she will want as she grows up.



She is 21months old, we had been just the two of us since January of this year. She started nursery this September and I believe she is happier for have some 'her' time at nursery. She is excited to leave on nursery mornings and runs through the door. They offer new experiences and a different setting for a few hrs a week. she has LOTS of new friends.



I think a balance of both is good. I think women the stay at home to look after their children are brilliant. I would love to have that choice but I wouldn't take her nursery away from her now even if I could afford to stop work.

Angela - posted on 04/17/2009

38

6

9

I feel that there is no greater gift than being a stay at home mom. I love it, seeing her learn and grow each day and not having to worry about if she went for a nap or that maybe she wasn't fed (it happened to my friends daughter at a daycare). There is nothing in this world that is more important than family. I'm very lucky that my husband is able to provide enough for us so I can stay home with my daughter, Horray for stay at home moms!!

Joy - posted on 04/17/2009

310

15

27

I am a stay at home mum until my son turns 1 in September. I will be placing him in a highly regarded childcare facility near my home where 2 of my nieces went and 7 of my friends children went and spoke of the facility highly. I would not be placing him in a childcare centre in which i hadnt done a sufficient amount of research and planning on. I am happy to say that I am choosing to head back to work part time (4 hrs a day) and am more than happy for my son to go to childcare for this time because i have seen the delight in his little face when he is with other children and adults. As much as I try to do for my son with activities and playdates etc I have come to the realisation that I really dont want him stuck with only me...My own mum was a stay at home mum with me and I was a horror child, very shy and clingy and would not let her out of my sight. I do not want this to happen to my son. Some mothers do not have a choice but to work and place their child in care and I am sure that they are doing the best that they can in thier situations. I say good on them, they are working at home and out of home. I also say good on all stay at home mums, it is a hard job that is underlooked every day. Each to thier own! As long as our children are happy and we are happy within ourselves.

[deleted account]

I'm a stay at home Mum and I am very happy to be able to remain at home considering the state of the global economy. My children are 2 and 3 and I intend to stay at home til they are finished school.  Unfortunately, not every parent has that luxury.  There is nothing worse than a smug santimonious mother who thinks she's better than a working mother and vice versa.  Let's support our friends that HAVE to work.  Let's not criticise.  Let's not make others feel guilty.  Let's celebrate how lucky we are to be in the position we are in.  I have so many friends that would love to be home with their children but unfortuantely they just can't afford it.  It's very sad and the last thing we should do is make these parents feels less than they are or that they are bad parents.  Stop judging! 

Heather - posted on 04/16/2009

284

44

43

I am a stay at home mom...I love it!  But I dont think moms that work are bad...my mother worked and had to.  I also agree that there are good day cares and bad day cares....just like good stay at home moms and bad stay at home moms.  Personally this is my full time job to keep my daughter entertained and learning but I also have a house to keep clean.  By the end of the day I am exhausted.  But I truly do think some working moms have it harder and miss out so much just like working dads.  I dont think it makes them any less of a parent.



I consider myself lucky to be able to be a stay at home mom as all of us should but I dont think we have the right to judge others who either cant or know that their children would be better in a daycare environment.  Remember some kids get far more attention in daycare...

Cathy - posted on 04/16/2009

168

6

16

I stay at home with my kids and strongly believe that they have greatly benefitted from this for many reasons...the stability and love that I give them day in and day out has instilled secure, confident, and self-assured qualities that I don't see in other kids who have been in day care since they were wee ones.  It's not my or anyone's place to judge or tell anyone else how to raise their kids, but it seems like too many Mom's don't give it enough thought to stay home and raise their own kids...they rush thru the first 6 months to a year, and then rush out the door back to work and send their babies off to daycare for somebody else to raise their little darlings.  I just wish they would at least give it a try, and stay with their kids at least til they're in kindergarten...those first 4 or 5 years of a child's life are too precious and important to pass off to someone else.



No doubt this doesn't and can't apply to all Mom's, since there are sooo many single Mom's out there that have to earn a living for their family - and hats off to those women, it must be so tough to do it all alone.  Day care is a much needed support system for some, but way too often it's used to substitute a mother's job...to be home for her children.



Just my opinion...:)

Ashleigh - posted on 04/16/2009

385

7

46

I have my ECE and have worked in daycares, so I feel I somewhat know both sides.  I think daycare is good in theory, but their are many problems.  A good example is the training of the staff.  The owner of the centre can hire anyone off the street.  In each age group, only one of the usual 3 teachers only has to have his/her ECE.  (This is Ontario, Canada, im not too sure about other places).   I think some daycare centres really do have good programs, good ratios etc., but most are lacking in those things, especially the teachers in the classrooms.  It amazed me when i was working, that not one parent even asked me who I was, what my education was, how long I had been working for etc.  To me, if I were to trust my children with someone else, I would need to know all those things.  That's why I have decided to be a Stay at home mom, because I have seen what it is like in a daycare.  Not all moms can stay at home, but I hope for the ones that cant, they really do alot of research of the daycare centres around them and not just put their kids into any place and have no idea about the teachers, programs, menus etc.  Being a stay at home mom can be hard sometimes, but for me I feel like I am benefiting my children by being at home!

Angie - posted on 04/15/2009

2,621

0

407

Quoting Dana:



Quoting Angie:

I don't think that daycare is "bad". It may not be as good as having an attentive parent at home but it's not "bad". If a woman finds that she doesn't enjoy being home and even resents being home, daycare may be a better choice for her child. I agree that my family comes first - I've been home for almost 15 of the last 16.5 years, but not everyone believes that staying home is the way to put their family first. If a mother with a young child is always on the computer or in front of the tv, her child is being put second to those things - just like in a daycare center.






not very many mothers devoted ones atleast are gonna put tv or computers before there children, that was a loaded statement you missed the whole purpose of the conversation i dont believe they are bad i believe they are understaffed children are neglected, and sometimes abused watch the news.. i do believe if kids are at home with a parent they do need to be exposed to other children for socialization. i think what she was saying is if you have kids raise them. dont dump them off on someone else grandparents daycare anyone. everyone deserves a break just raise youre own kids once upon a time this was expected and normal now women have to do it all well i dont agree with that. and being a mom is work im sooo tired of people saying oh you dont work. ha! right... and no you didnt say that. women just dont need to have it all. i dont believe in feminism i believe the world was a better place when it was traditional men went to work and women took care of their home and family kids turned out better less crime, juvenile delinquents etc.. too many kids are unattended at all ages these days because both parents arent home call me old fashioned but thats my opinion... and i do have days i dont like being home ft but you get thru it because you know its what is best for youre child not you!





How can you say I misunderstood the discussion when the title is "Why staying and home is important & day care is bad...." ?   I think that the rift between SAHM and working mom's is caused by working mom's think ingthat they are better moms than SAHM and SAHM's thinking they are better moms because they stay home.  And I hate to say it, but I think using tvs as babysitters and moms sitting on the computer and couch is far more prevalent that we want to admit.  As I said, I've been home for over 15 years so I need a lecture on how SAHM's are taken advantage of or how much work we do.  I agree with everything you say about our society going to heck and hand basket when "things" took priority over our children.  However, we as women need to quit being so judgemental and start being more supportive.  I am the best mother I can be and I'm blessed to be able to stay home with my children.  I refuse to say that someone else choice is "bad" when I have NO CLUE what their life is like.

Cat - posted on 04/15/2009

26

10

3

not all daycare places are bad. here in australia we dont have that many kids per carer, its much lower and preschool hours from 6am - 6pm is insane. as a stay at home mum i share your views and opinions but sometimes things arent as black and white as you may think.



i do wish however that there were more stay at home mums around so its not such a lonely job. our government is supporting and offering rebates to families for childcare, so more mums are sending their kids to daycare and working. i find this a bit disappointing, although it may work out better for the nation as a whole.

Cat - posted on 04/15/2009

26

10

3

not all daycare places are bad. here in australia we dont have that many kids per carer, its much lower and preschool hours from 6am - 6pm is insane. as a stay at home mum i share your views and opinions but sometimes things arent as black and white as you may think.



i do wish however that there were more stay at home mums around so its not such a lonely job. our government is supporting and offering rebates to families for childcare, so more mums are sending their kids to daycare and working. i find this a bit disappointing, although it may work out better for the nation as a whole.

Dana - posted on 04/15/2009

33

25

4

an hour a day is an awesome break and yep every minute counts god bless youre husband for realizing the need, i hope one day mine will.lol..

Dana - posted on 04/15/2009

33

25

4

i think you guys are awesome wonderful responses and insite wish i could find people like you locally. so many woman are jsut concerned with their careers or what they want they forget what is most important we also do not live near anyone so my son has never been with a sitter in 3 yrs i will not just leave him with anyone like some can i am considering going back to school while he attends preschool but will search until i find a safe secure and small enviroment that i feel will be beneficial instead of damaging.. awesome info and great mommies you are.

Bridgette - posted on 04/15/2009

112

103

14

Sandra,



Don't worry. My son is one who does that occassionally. But I buy what he is touching. At least in the produce. I found that by having him be my "big helper" it keeps the touching down to very little. Sometime I take only him shopping with me and he sits in the cart and helps me "SPY" the things I need. We make a game of it. I teach him math in the store... Ok I have 2 bag of carrots and you have 2 how many bags do we have. He will count them and yell 4, we have 4 bags of carrots....I'm not talking quietly either....oh does he get excited. But he isn't screaming and fussing. He's just learning and having a blast. We make everything a learning time. It keeps him from acting out and me sane.

Bridgette - posted on 04/15/2009

112

103

14

Yes I am fully aware that there are mothers who can't stay home. My sister in law is one. They have too many bills for her not to. But she has made arrangements for them to be in a daycare that is right next to my mothers' work. The teachers there know that if the boys are acting up to call my mom and she will come to check on them. Sometimes it's discipline they need, other times they are sick.



They call my mom first because she is just a few hundred feet away, but my sister in law works 15 miles away. This system works for them and they are doing well. Because she can't be there with her boys, she trust my mom to help out. It is more old fashioned to do this, but it works.



In home daycares are more regulated and easier to maintain than the larger own. In your home you don't want a mess or germs so you are more likely to clean the house and toys very well. These types of daycares are really popular with military bases. I have seen excellent ones and I have seen bad ones.



When I die or any of us die... We may leave money or tangible possession, but what do you remember the most about a person who has passed.... YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. Your children are your legacy.

Sandra - posted on 04/15/2009

39

19

2

P.S. Bridgette i just wanted to add that my grocery store comment was not about you. that doesnt bother me, i too allow my boy to play with things in the cart (since we are already buying those. i was refering to parents who allow their kids to touch, sqeeze, mangle and soil good products and dont even have the courtesy to tell their kids to stop OR to offer to pay for the products that their children damaged. no offense was meant to you :)

Bridgette - posted on 04/15/2009

112

103

14

Oh honey. I'm ready for a break. I have been going round and round and round and (well you get the point) with my 3 yr old about taking a nap. It took two hours but I finally won that battle.



My hubby gives me an hour a day to rest from all noise. (it may not seem like a lot but I clear my head in that one hour then I'm ready to go again) We don't go on dates right now because we don't know a reliable babysitter in the area. But we will once we find someone who can handle a hyper little boy.



There are daycare were child abuse occurs....seen it. Then there are the kids who respond negatively to day care. Their behavior goes from the occasional problems to being off the charts bad. Of course this doesn't happen with every kid, some do well--some don't.



As far as socialization.... this is a made up fairy tale. For centuries, kids didn't socialize this socialization of kids according to age started about 200 years ago when the gov't made schools madatory. (Now I am all for a great education) But socialization can be "controlled" in an enviroment that is better for the child. We go to reading groups, we have a homeschool group, the kids are always at church when the doors are open. In a preschool or daycare you will get kids who at the age of 3 can out cuss a sailor. There are children who have suffered sexual abuse and then turn around and expose other kids to such acts...yes at the age of 3,4,& 5. Then there's the different learning styles. Most schools are set up for audible or visual learners...not for kinesthic learners. These are the ones who become labeled ADD/ADHD because they can't sit still and learn.



My little boy was called ADHD by a teacher once....we were in the grocery store!!! I looked at her like she had done lost her mind. I simply pointed out that he's a kinesthic learner. All he was doing was touch frozen veggies in the cart and it wasn't bothering me. He was picking it up and examining the picture and trying to pronounce the words. If he couldn't get in in a couple of tried he would drop it and go to the next bag. He can get small words like peas, corn, etc. HE'S 3 years old as of late January.



I can't think of the web address at this moment. But google "Daycares Don't Care" and there will be that website pop up. Read the stories about what day care workers have seen and the studies from around the world about day care. You will be shocked.

Dana - posted on 04/15/2009

33

25

4

Quoting Angie:

I don't think that daycare is "bad". It may not be as good as having an attentive parent at home but it's not "bad". If a woman finds that she doesn't enjoy being home and even resents being home, daycare may be a better choice for her child. I agree that my family comes first - I've been home for almost 15 of the last 16.5 years, but not everyone believes that staying home is the way to put their family first. If a mother with a young child is always on the computer or in front of the tv, her child is being put second to those things - just like in a daycare center.



not very many mothers devoted ones atleast are gonna put tv or computers before there children, that was a loaded statement you missed the whole purpose of the conversation i dont believe they are bad i believe they are understaffed children are neglected, and sometimes abused watch the news.. i do believe if kids are at home with a parent they do need to be exposed to other children for socialization. i think what she was saying is if you have kids raise them. dont dump them off on someone else grandparents daycare anyone. everyone deserves a break just raise youre own kids once upon a time this was expected and normal now women have to do it all well i dont agree with that. and being a mom is work im sooo tired of people saying oh you dont work. ha! right... and no you didnt say that. women just dont need to have it all. i dont believe in feminism i believe the world was a better place when it was traditional men went to work and women took care of their home and family kids turned out better less crime, juvenile delinquents etc.. too many kids are unattended at all ages these days because both parents arent home call me old fashioned but thats my opinion... and i do have days i dont like being home ft but you get thru it because you know its what is best for youre child not you!

Angie - posted on 04/15/2009

2,621

0

407

I don't think that daycare is "bad". It may not be as good as having an attentive parent at home but it's not "bad". If a woman finds that she doesn't enjoy being home and even resents being home, daycare may be a better choice for her child. I agree that my family comes first - I've been home for almost 15 of the last 16.5 years, but not everyone believes that staying home is the way to put their family first. If a mother with a young child is always on the computer or in front of the tv, her child is being put second to those things - just like in a daycare center.

Dana - posted on 04/15/2009

33

25

4

i completely agree with you. daycares do not provide the stimulation and one on one care a child needs or desires i could never stomach the situation i knew would happen my child crying while they tend to others and being ignored and neglected and at worst abused in some way. i know some women have no choice single moms etc but if you do, i believe family first yourself last.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms