why would she do this?

Jennifer - posted on 11/11/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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In my area there are a couple pages on facebook mainly to advertise things people have to sell. One also includes a place for people to vent about anything. One woman was very upset and was venting, because last night she found her 10 year old daughter getting sick. After some talking she found out her daughter was getting sick, because she was incredibly upset. Apparently the girl's bff told her that in order to be popular and get a boy friend, she needed to do 4 things 1) get her hair cut, and style it better 2) get contacts and get rid of glasses 3) gain weight because she is too skinny 4) get a new wardrobe. I agree with the mom for getting upset, because her poor girl took a hard hit in self esteem from this. People were advising her to call the school, or the girl's parents. She came back on and said she did call the girl's mom, but also, she has a friend that is a hair stylist, so she was going to call her tonight and talk about her daughter's hair. WOW, why would she cut her daughter's hair? Wouldn't that be reinforcing what the friend said? I just don't understand why that thought would even cross her mind. Am I the only one that thinks this is totally the wrong step for the mom to make? What would you do in this kind of situation?

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Kelina - posted on 11/11/2011

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I'd be asking my daughter why she wanted a boyfriend if she wasn't ready to get married. I'd actually laugh about the girl telling her she needed to gain weight because in our society most people are telling our girls they need to lose weight. I'd explain to her that things that seem really great right now could harm us in the long run because while contacts might look better than glasses from what i remember they don't recommend them at that age because their eyes are still developing. And I would talk to her about her hairstyle. Does she like it? does she want to change it? did she want to change it before her friend told her this? At 10 my idea of styling my hair was a ponytail or braid. If my daughter wanted to cut her hair I'd want to be sure it's not because she wants to fit in or get a boyfriend. However, it's possible that she had talked to her daughter and her daughter did want the haircut. I also know how important it is not to dismiss our childrens feelings when it comes to the pressures of fitting in and to be honest getting her haircut isn't a big deal. She may find that she absolutely loves the care of shorter hair, or she could decide she didn't like it much after all and let her hair grow out again. I'd also explain though that what matters is that she likes it, not anyone else.

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Katherine - posted on 11/24/2011

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Well it's up to the mom what she does. I personally think it's completely degrading. That poor girl. She's only 10 so she can't begin to comprehend the humiliation of it all. Boys that age don't exactly get it either, then again neither do men.
Are you good friends with this mom? Can you talk to her? I can't believe she's actually making the appointment!

Stifler's - posted on 11/23/2011

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And what Kelina said, make sure the cut is what she LIKES not what is in at the moment or someone else thinks looks cool.

Stifler's - posted on 11/23/2011

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I think that kids don't get it always. If new hair makes her feel better about herself I'd let her get it cut nice. I would be calling the school and/or the kid's parents to find out why this other kid is like that.

Susan - posted on 11/23/2011

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Per comment "she has a friend that is a hair stylist, so she was going to call her tonight and talk about her daughter's hair"



Maybe the mom was calling the stylist to talk to DD about her hair and not neccesarily about cutting it.



Regardless, I sincerely feel for the mom and daughter. My 5 yr old niece has already had a kid kicked out of her class bc of violent behavior. Hope this teaches the rest of the kids that bullying is not the answer.

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2011

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First of all, that poor girl. Secondly, maybe the girl has been wanting her hair cut, or mom knows her hair should be cut, so one doesn't really have to do with the other, except it made mom get her butt in gear. It is a bit of a tough spot though. My best to the girl! I hope she likes her new hair.

Corinne - posted on 11/11/2011

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I'd be sitting my daughter down and telling her how beautiful she was and asking why she thinks being 'popular' or having a boyfriend is so important. You say she's ten? Way too young to be thinking about boyfriends IMO.

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