Wish I could stop feeling so guilty about only having two kids :(

Jenny - posted on 01/20/2011 ( 81 moms have responded )

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Im a mother of two, eldest is 26m and youngest is 8months, they are 18months apart. I keep battling with whether or not to leave it at 2 kids. I love kids, and they can be so adorable, but I absolutely hate the 9 long months of feeling ill during pregnancy and the recovery from childbirth is certainly what puts me off. And then to go through those first few months of sleepless nights and then when teething comes its such a hard time on everyone.

I would love to leave all that, all the nappy changing and spoon feeding etc, leave it all behind. But when you’re in a circle of friends that all have 3 or more kids I always feel like they are jealous of me and think I have it easy coz I’ve only got two. I don’t want people to feel that way about me. Also I don’t want to feel like im missing out on more kids and most of all I don’t want to feel selfish about only having two.

I want to be at peace with me and my husbands decisions to only have two, but its so hard to get there. Does any one have any advice on how to have peace in this area?

I’m also afraid of getting into my late thirties and regretting not having a 3rd (& 4th) kid now while they are young so that they grow up together. I know for sure that I don’t want my kids to be more than 2 years apart, and I do sort of want more, but I just cant allow myself to go through it all again, it turns my stomach over. But I want more, if only it weren’t so hard!

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Jane - posted on 07/22/2012

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Latimes.com/population rising

7 billion people on the planet and rising quickly. Just that alone, the inability of the planet to sustain the growth of humans, should be enough for everyone to stop at two. The higher the education of the mother usually indicates the number of children. Not that those of us with access to lots of information don't want a pile of kids, but the awareness level from a global stand point prevents us from having more than two. Emotionally, bring em on, realistically though, can't go there. Sure, it's like saying, "Eat all your food, there are kids starving in China". If u don't live in or near poverty, or you feel above it, then tht saying makes no sense. But if you understand the lack of resources and unfairness of it all and how it does and will effect all of us, one way or another, at some time I the future, then you will do something about it. If you believe "everything" is someone else's problem and you are helpless o contribute to change, then you will do nothing, or defy logic for the sake of feeling "right". Wanting kids is a strong, innate, biological pull. Thank god!! If it wasn't, we would cease to exist all together. The need for kids is varied. The understanding of ones own reason for wanting kids is complicated.



My pregnancies were easy, I loved, loved, loved being pregnant. I'm well off financially, I'm in a solid, supportive relationship., I have friends with 3 and 4 kids, friends with 1 or 2 and some with none. All good, honest, kind, well educated people with good intentions. But those that have more than two, they never, ever considered world population until recently. They had kids cause kids are great. Now, they educate their kids on wider issues than they were raise with, now the see what their having 4 kids can do, especially if their 4 have 4, etc. Do the math. People had 8 and 10 is when I was growing up (Irish Catholic) and that seemed cool to me, fun even! Now, it is lunacy.



Two is enough. Love them, educate them, set them free on the planet. Unless you live in an area that requires the children to literally work the land and child mortality will most likely claim one, having more than two is simply irresponsible and selfish. Harsh I know, especially if you believe god is behind your pregnancies. I'm thinking he's not, but hey, I could be wrong. I guess he wants Indian, African and Chinese mothers to have lots of them so they can literally starve to death. What a mean god. Those mother's pain is as deep as yours and mine. But if god wants them to have 7 kids and for them to not be educated or have medical care or food or homes, well then so be it. If he wants them to go into forced marriages at 14, well he knows best. If he thinks the world is over populated, I gues he likes watching starving, uneducated people dig for food in trash heaps. He must like Americans the best!! Well not all of them of course. He doesn't guide the bad ones, they're on their own. God helps those that help themselves! What in the world does that men and how does it apply to uneducated people with no food?



My apologies ladies, I just don't get the whole whiney, I want 4 kids thing. I want candy! I want a new pony! I want 3 kids so I can be a mommy and have grand kids because it's all about me! My child needs a sibling because why? Most people do not get sling with ther siblings as well as they do heir friends. And lots of kids pay mean when they're little, they're kids. Now if they torture kids they are psychopaths and guess what, psychopaths are BORN that way. Gods scary little time bomb gift that 20 years later explodes and often kills the nice people. Or did Satan do that when god wasn't looking? You know, just to mess with him...didn't like the adorable little family of four that he created and blessed a family with, so Satan threw in a miserable creature destined to shoot random people?

God is not giving you babies. It is sperm and eggs and sometimes the body doesn't work well in that capacity. But god is not involved.



If you are surrounded by people with 3 or 4 or more kids....might check out where u live and who your friends are. Believe me, there is a whole world of educated, forward thinking, good Christians that use birth control because they want to raise two really well, not four marginally. They want to send them to college and educate them and have time to know them.



Americans want it all and have been able to take a lot because of our lucky position in life, but I'm thinking it really is a good idea to think globally and act locally.

Wendy - posted on 01/26/2011

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We stopped after 2 even though I would love to give my husband a daughter but there were complications with my last pregnancy that I don't wish to revisit. Technically I could carry again (even though I'm old now) but my husband understands my fear of something going wrong. Our lives are quite full with the 2 boys so it's not like we feel as though we're missing out on anything, believe me!

Jenny, you seem to give consideration to external factors that aren't worth expending energy on - i.e. other couples with 3+ kids and what they may think about you. Who gives a flying nun!?! Rely on your husband over anyone else in the world and you will both discover that you either want more or are content with 2. Whatever the rest of the world is doing is irrelevant.

[deleted account]

There's nothing "easy" about life with two kids. Have you thought of the "quality over quantity" argument? You can certainly afford to spend more time and money on raising the two that you have than if you go ahead and have a third.

Jenny - posted on 01/23/2011

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To Andrea Quail who had two unfortunate circumstances with her pregnancy and the birth of that daughter, if you know you want more, dont have to let your fear of having another unhealthy child rule you. my SIL is great example of this, her second child was born with sever celebal plasy - one of the worst cases ive ever seen - and has made her life extremely difficult as they can never leave their daughter unattended, night or day. but she always wanted lots of kids and with great courage she went on to have another two perfectly healthy boys. her life is all about her kids and she always makes time for all of them coz thats all she cares about. hope that can encourage you.

to respond to Eileen, my husband is very similar to me. we want the easy life of only having two but feel guilty. we internalise guilt from other people and also for our kids, will they have wanted more siblings? would feel so awful if my two complain all their life that they wish they had more siblings!

i love hearing from you two who have only one :) you are so brave with having to face peoples questions all the time about having a second.

i WISH i could be proud of life being easier for me, but its hard to be proud infront of others that have it harder.

dont know why when it comes to this topic its so hard to be confident in my decision :/ im pretty sure that if i was surrounded by people who only have 1-2kids i wouldnt care for another. but recently my cousin who has two kids (youngest is now 6) said that shes trying for another! would that be me in 6 years time? i just hope not! i would rather have it now!

i wish i knew how to best state my position. I dont want people to get me wrong, i do LOVE babies, they are very adorable and i am very much enjoying my 8 month old girl, she is such a ray of sunshine in my house. But does that have to mean that i have to have lots of kids? Wish i could explain that even to myself, i love them, but i dont want more than two coz i'm afraid of how hard it will get. am i just a sissy? lol.

Jenny - posted on 08/31/2011

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We have now decided that two feels right, because life's a b*tch. If this was a perfect world I would want four, but its not so I'm gonna stop dreaming.

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Kimberli - posted on 09/02/2011

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i have two kids. i have one of each sex. sometimes i have second thought but i remember all the stuff i went through with my kids being sick and not having help from family. My husband family would say are you going to keep it and i would say yes and they would want me to have a abortion just because they didnt think i was ready. i have a 3 yr old and a 19 month old. and now they know i was ready for what came at me im happy with 2 no matter what anybody says. so you do what you think is best for you

Alicia - posted on 08/31/2011

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My husband and I have 1 child. She just turned 2. When Gracie was first born we discussed 4. I would have loved 4 children. I hated pregnancy, and I was never sick. Gracie was born 2 weeks early, I was induced because for 2 weeks I had enough contractions to put me at 4cm. it was a 38 hour labor, and I hated every minute of it. but that amazing feeling you get the first time you hold them, and cant believe you grew something so beautiful made me want 3 more. haha. she turned 6 months and was furniture walking, and it was starting to get messy and hectic, and we decided 3 total would have been just fine. at 12 months she had already been walking 3 months, and starting to talk, and wanted to do whatever she wanted, we then came to the decision of having just 2. that that would be ok with us. 18 months she picked up the 2's early. for the last 6 months we have been dealing with attitudes and fits, food throwing, and fighting bed time. we are now currently set on just her. I always wanted my kids close in age, so if we were gonna have another it would have to be now at the latest, im not the kind of mom who could ever have my children 6 years apart, its like starting over each time. haha. I dont exactly know where i was going with this, but if you only want more children because you feel youre suppose to, or because everyone else does dont do it. They have to be something you want with your whole heart, and if it was something you wanted with your whole heart the pregnancy wouldnt stop you. I realized i used to want more children just because my daughter was growing up and i missed late night snuggles, and the feeling of being needed. first smiles, laughs, and words. But it doesnt matter if I have 1 child or 12, theyre all still going to grow up and once they do i will still miss the newborn stage. you will know what feels right eventually, good luck!

Jenny - posted on 08/31/2011

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:))) I like the way you think Feen Norris. We've had a while to think about it now and we're going to stay at two. Its such a comfortable number for us.

Jenny - posted on 01/27/2011

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i totally identify with you Julie Obney. im quite done with babies, but my emotions play havok on me!

Amanda - posted on 01/27/2011

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I am going through exactly the same thing right now! my girls are 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 and a few of my friends are pregnant with their third, which was making my rethink my decision. I always wanted four, and sometimes miss the bond of breastfeeding, or the stageswhen they still havent learned to argue. I wouldnt cry and be disappointed if i did get pregnant again, but I agree with you on not enjoying pregnancy and night wakings teething etc. i am excited to see each stage they move into, and two can be a great number because they will always have each other to lean on and play with, but they cant pick and choose, or leave someone out. I was the middle child of three, and i know the true meaning of three's a crowd, which is why i always said i wouldnt have an odd number of kids. but while your friends are redoing the diaper stages, you will reach an age with your kids that traveling and vacationing is easier, you dont have to plan around bottles, diapers and potty breaks. You can enjoy different things and outtings that you couldnt fully enjoy while having to leave the littlest home with a sitter, or bring them along just so they dont feel left out.

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2011

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i could never decide between two or three kids... my second pregnancy was twins!! now five kids later i want to have number SIX someday. i feel done and i don't feel done. i think it is up to you. if you want another one have another one. if you don't, don't. but don't feel bad for only having two...



and wait to figure it out when your kids are older... not right now when your baby is still a baby and life is hectic. it gets better... your kids will eventually go to school :) and things will be so less hectic you might decide that you want another baby around.

Crystal - posted on 01/27/2011

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it is YOUR decision. no one else's, and no one should be able to tell you what YOU should do. it's really hard having kids so close in age, and i'm sure it's hard being pregnant with a baby (or two) at home. if you're really struggling with it, i'd wait at least a year to decide. they grow up, and you don't know what you'll have to deal with in a few years, preschool or daycare and costs of everything. if YOU aren't sure you want another one, please don't rush into it. wait a while to decide, this is a serious decision that you will have to live with until you die! so take as much time as you need! and i've always thought that having more than one kid in diapers or dependent at a time is so overwhelming,and so much more expensive. just take your time! you have years to figure this out!

Karen - posted on 01/27/2011

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I choose to have 3 kids. I always dreamed of having 3. Fast forward 8 years later I'm not sure why. My kids are 5,7, & 8. I choose(well sorta) to have them close in age. I wanted to have them and get it over with. My pregnancies weren't too bad. My middle pregnancy was the worst on me. I don't miss the sleepless nights. I don't think you should feel guilty for wanted more kids. You have plenty of love to go around. It's a decision made by only you and your husband. Adoption can be an option too. I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

Shelley - posted on 01/27/2011

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Heck Andrea, that brought me to tears reading that.
It must have been a very very very tough time for you. :(
Glad to hear your children are healthy now :)

Jenny... I really really really understand what you are saying in your original post...
I am 24 and have 3 kids and am extremely grateful for them.
They are 3 years, 2 years and 4 months.
However, I really want a 4th, and I think about it everyday!

I have always wanted 4, and my husband originally wanted 2, so... 3 is our compromise :)

However, I really don't feel done with 3.
And, I even have friends who can't have babies at all, and IVF has failed for them many times so I feel really guilty when I don't feel "complete" with 3, because lots of other people would so love to have just 1! (And I really do feel for all those people out there who can't have children).

I really hope that I can just enjoy my 3 kids, and not think about what I don't have and rather focus on what I do have (3 beautiful, happy, healthy children). Because lots of people don't get the chance.

A friend of ours is 50 and has never been able to have children :(

Julie - posted on 01/27/2011

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I have two children ages 30 months and 7 months and have told myself and everyone else that was it. But my body has other ideas. It's telling me through my emotions to have one more. I've almost completely forgotten all the first four months of morning sickness, the heartburn, the backaches and difficulty sleeping. Then there was the guilt that I was neglecting my first child when I had to start caring for the second. And I'm thirty-nine and have had two c-sections and there are so many risks. And I have always hoped to foster children one day and more kids of my own would definitely put that off. In spite of all that my emotions think they are calling the shots and desperately want to be pregnant again. I think it is natures way of keeping us having babies.

Jane - posted on 01/27/2011

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we just had our 3rd. they are 3.5, 2 and 2 mos. this time i KNEW i was done. before i wasn't sure. go w/your gut feeling.

Brennis - posted on 01/27/2011

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I think you need to consider yourself. If you feel that 2 is enough than stop. It doesn't matter how many kids your friends have. If you feel guilty maybe offer to babysit theirs for a night, and give them the night off, especially if their kids are close to your kids age. If not, well it will be good practice for yours.

We all know the drama of having kids. Just think back, and remember the time, and look at your kids now, and YOU DECIDE if you want another one.

Rachel - posted on 01/27/2011

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I have three and still want one more, and I have the opposite problem! Most people are asking us when we're going to be done.
Ignore what other people say. Let it roll off your back. Regardless of whether or not you decide to have more or just keep it at two, it is your and your husband's decision, and only yours. If you are content with two, that is perfectly fine. I think it's different for every family, and no one else can say what is best for your family (would someone please tell my MIL this!). If you really don't want to go through it again, it's ok to have two. And if you change your mind, it's ok to have more. My point don't let what other people say/think make your decision. And if they think you have it easy because you have two, they are sadly mistaken. I have friends who have their hands full with one. I have friends who have five and might still have more. Every mom and dad is different and every child is different. No one can say you have it easy!

I will say this. I am the oldest of four girls. My first sister is two years younger than me. Then next is almost 8 years younger than me, and the youngest is 13 years younger than me. She was 5 when I left for college. The bigger age gaps have their perks, but one of the biggest con is I don't know my sister. Four or five years isn't so bad. Eight and thirteen years is a huge gap and I wish I knew them better.

Vegemite - posted on 01/27/2011

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you know what's good for you and your family is good for you and your family, what's good for someone else is good for someone else. You be happy with what makes you happy.
We recently took our two on a holiday for the weekend, I had been tossing up if i want another two if I'm happy the way our family is. Well we had a great holiday but after that I decided that our family dynamic is great the way it is and what's the point changing something that doesn't need to be changed. I'm grateful for my sons and love them to bits and know I don't need anymore.

Marlena - posted on 01/27/2011

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Stop thinking about what others think. Who cares? This is your family. Period. If your body can't do this again, let it go. Later, if you want more, have them or adopt. Compared to other women with more children, you may have it easier. Chances are most don't care. Those that do may need more kids to help them take their minds off you. Enjoy the family you have today. There might be something to do tomorrow.
Marlena

Beth - posted on 01/26/2011

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I have 2 kids 17 months apart. I felt "done" after the second. We were talking about a third before the second was born, but once we had her I just felt our family was complete. Additionally, my oldest has just been diagnosed with autism, so that definately seals the deal. We don't want to roll the dice on that again, and will put our efforts toward the two we have. My point is, I think if you're done, you'll feel "done".

Lexi - posted on 01/26/2011

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Girl you stick to what YOU want!! You know your body, your heart and your family better than any one else. If you have another baby now just because you feel pressured then that is likely the thing you will regret. I'm sure you would of course still love the baby, but you should never do something just because you're worried what others will think. There is no such thing as the "ideal family" or what a family should be. I came from a two kids close together family and my husband came from a two kids 6 years apart family. We have friends with four and friends with none, the most important thing is that you are happy with your family and make your decisions based on what is best for them and you.



If you decide years from now that you want more that's ok too, go for it! I really think sibling closeness depends on the family not necessarily just the age gap. You could also adopt if you decide you truly want more now (or later) but can't bear the though of going through the physical part of carrying them again. So many kids and babies out there needing a family to love. It is also totally not selfish to love and enjoy your two kids and leave it at that.



We struggled with the decision to have a second (we're trying to conceive now). We had the exact opposite struggle as you though, at first we felt guilty because we want another baby. We worried that we'll be making our first son suffer through all the changes of adding a sibling and not having the same amount of time for him. That he'll feel less loved, less special or he wont learn as well, since our time will be divided between two kids. We have worried we are being selfish by not just devoting ourselves to him and him alone! We finally came to peace over it through prayer and self reflection and know we are not being selfish. I love my brother so much and I could not imagine growing up without a sibling. My husband and I both want another. We just keep looking at how amazing Torsten is and thinking man, how amazing would it be to have two little awe inspiring creatures like him. We know the second one will be very different but still just as incredible in his or her own way. But two is it for us. We decided before we got married that if we were going to have kids we didn't want more than two and we still feel that way.



I also hated being pregnant and I had the labor and delivery from hell (couldn't keep food down until month 6, 4 days in full labor, 3rd degree tear, couldn't even walk without pain for almost 4 months) and the thought of going through it again is terrifying. But we both decided it's worth it for one more. I just never ever ever ever ever ever plan on doing it again and I'm really hoping it's easier this time around! lol Hubby will be getting a vasectomy after we have the second one. If for some reason we decide years from now that we need to add to our family we will adopt or foster.



*hugs*

Merry - posted on 01/26/2011

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I have one and one due in may, I know I want more. I always wanted a huge family like 6-8 kids but my husband thinks 4 is the most we could have.
I am sort of planning on hum changing his mind after the fourth. But then again maybe I'll change my mind like he is planning on!
All I can say, is if when you are 75 years old you think you could regret only having two then you should have another baby.
If it's more peer pressure then I don't think you should have another one.
But think about this, medically speaking, it is extremely hard on your body to conceive before your child is a year old. And the medical recommendation is to not conceive until your child is two!
And the risks of the next child having autism is immensely reduced if you have three years between births.
So essentially, you might have a better pregnancy and recovery if you spaced the babies out more.
Maybe when your second is two you could try to conceive a third.
A bigger gap isn't awful, and honestly 18 months is very very close in age!
I think the 'best' age gap would be between 2-4 years.
So maybe try for your third, but wait a while first!
Let your body recover completely and let your brain recover too.
Having two kids is just as admirable as having three, some think having more kids is irresponsible to the environment. So there's always people on every side, and what matters is what you feel is right for you.

Jessica - posted on 01/26/2011

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babyhood is such a short time compared to the rest of their life.. if you think about it, they are a baby for one year and then you spend the next 60 plus years watching your child grow up. compared to that and the nine months of pregnancy and the first year of hell (sleepless nights, the teething) the baby stage is practically nothing... it goes by so fast and it is so short!! it may not feel like it now, but in a few years, you will look back and wonder what happened to your little baby and wonder how they get replaced with this five year old going to their first day of kindergarten!! if you had more, it would be such a short time that you would have to go through the baby stage before you moved into the easier time when they are older... you might not think that now being in the middle of it and just fresh out of it with the other... but it goes by like a blink of an eye. in the farther future do you picture another child in school when your other ones are in school? do you picture another child at the dinner table when your kids are 9 and 8 and talking about their day and sitting down nicely while they eat at a family meal? do you picture another child that watching tv with you when your other kids are 11 and 12? i would try to picture what it would be like beyond the babyhood and try to envision the future... what do you see? what do you want?



you may regret it when your children are older and the chances of you having another kid are zero... if you are unsure, i would try to figure it out soon... keeping in mind that babyhood is very short lived. if you are sure, then you won't regret it.

Kim - posted on 01/26/2011

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I have 4 girls (11, 9, 5 and 3). The 3 year old was NOT planned! I love all my girls and the 3 year is such a card, I can't image our family without her. In fact, I got my tubes tied when she was 6 months old (we didn't need another surprise..) and there were times I STILL longed to be pregnant and all that. However, four is plenty. There are other things to consider besides desire. For example, I stopped working and became a SAHM after the 3rd one because daycare was just too expensive for all of them. Finances are definitely a BIG issue with more children. We've had to drop gymnastics and only limit each child to one activity, we can't afford to go to DisneyWorld or other places like my children's friends can (and believe me they notice) and it's really unusual to see families w/more than 2 children. Do I regret having 4 kids...no. Do I sometimes fantasize about how much easier my life would be at times if I would have stopped at 2? Definitely!

Naomi - posted on 01/26/2011

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Hi, I have two children 18 months apart and they are now 4 and 5. I have often thought about having another but to be honest, I have two happy, healthy children (two more than many couples) and I feel our family is complete. I am opposite to you in that I loved being pregnant but I am now 35, the risks are higher and now there are so many things we can all do together as a family that we wouldnt be able to if another one came along. In addition to the emotional side of things you also have to think about the financial implications. 3 car seats for children under five probably wouldnt fit in the back of a regular car (my son has only just gone into a small booster) family tickets are always for two adults and two children, schoool/ nursery fees.
I dont mean to sound negative and if it is what youreally want then go for it. I just look at my wonderful two and am happy. xx

Kim - posted on 01/26/2011

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It just sounds like your not ready, when you have long, rough pregnancies it just takes a little time for it to be clear. I have four daughters, ages 19,15,10,& an 6 month old! Each child I have I enjoy more and more, they truly are gifts from God! So I say give yourself some time it gets easier as your little ones become more independent.

Jac - posted on 01/26/2011

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This is a very hard one for anyone to answer because we are all different and you never know what the future holds. I Originally wanted 6 kids because I love kids so much and I wanted them to be all close in age too but after going through my first pregnancy which was horrific, then such an awful birth I went on to have another 13months later, this experience was just as horrific,as soon as my second son was born I thought, "right now I want a girl" so fell pregnant straight away & miscarried but fell again soon after and to my great disbelief I had a girl. As soon as the nurse told me I had a girl I thought there and then, That's it, no more. I was so ill all the time and I struggled to get through the day with each pregnancy. For me the decision to stop was a good one becasue my eldest was dicovered to be Dyspraxic when he was 5yrs old and spent all his school life in special education, my next was diagnosed with Chronic Uveitis to both eyes when he was 4 and a half and after 9 ops is visually impaired with limited vision and when my daughter got to 15 she went down with ME. She is a very outgoing fun loving social person who is a brilliant dancer so this happening to her was heartbreaking. Life has been very tough at times, my husband couldn't cope with the disabilities and left so I had to bring the kids up myself. I did meet the most amazing man who I later married and he thinks of them all as his own which is great. I love my kids dearly, we are all so close and such a loving family but I am so glad that I listened to my gut instinct and stopped. I even went as far as to be sterilized when my 1st husband left becasue I didn't want to meet someone new who didn't have kids and make the decision to have another (well I was 38 by then so not so shocking...lol)

I think what my main mesage is, go with YOUR gut instinct and not what people tell you should do. If your stomach turns over then that doesn't sound too promising in the "for" having more then again if you are the sort of person to live with regret then that doesn't go much for the "against" going for it again. One thing I will say though is enjoy every moment of what you have right now as it happens, it all goes by so quickly. If you spend your time worrying and wondering about extending your family then you wont be enjoying the family you have right now as much. And as for regrets, I think they are a wasted emotion. We can regret not doing something but who's to say that if we had decided different all those years ago that life now would have been hunky dory. If you are so ill during a pregnancy, it's hard enough to go through that but to have toddlers and little ones to look after as well is a nightmare.....unfortunately they don't come with an 'off botton'....lol!....Oh and there is no being selfish with a decision to stop at 2, They get more attention from you and your time can be more productive with them :-)

All the best with it all. You must be a loving Mum to be thinking about this so deeply, good for you honey :-) xxxx

Jenny - posted on 01/26/2011

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i like the idea of fate deciding for me :) thats another pro for not having any more, that way if we accidentally get pregnant with another it will be a "happy" accident :)

[deleted account]

You sound so undecided... so just don't do anything permanent. Stay on birth control until you're at peace with one way or another.
We wanted to stop at 2 and I wound up pregnant a few weeks before my medical kicked in at my new job at the time. My kids are aged 13, 10 & 8. I don't like that I always feel out numbered and that it's a lot harder to have one on one time with each of my kids. But at the same time, my 3rd kid has the purest soul of anyone I've ever known. And he's a riot! So hilarious! Our home would be no where near as fun without him.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I believe that if you're meant to have more kids, you will. And if you're not, you wont.
There's no need to make a decision now. Just get on BC until it's time for the decision to be made or until fate decides it for you.

Sabrina - posted on 01/25/2011

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u have a lot of time still and u said u want the kids to be close together U could decide n a few years and have 2them My mom did that.My mom had my brother and oldest sister there 2and a half years apart and my and other sister are 15months apart and the best thing is that my oldest siblings helped w/us ALOT thats a defenite benefit(my brother is almost 9years older so he and my oldest sister is older enough she helpes a lot By the time we were3-5they bab ysat us but more importantly they taught us A LOT Helped w/school,teaching us chores and all around helped my mom as my father passed away when I was 4and she was a single mom U make the right decision for yourself

Sandra - posted on 01/25/2011

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Do what you and your husband think is best for your family and what will make the two of you happy. If you go along with whatever everyone else wants or does, the two of you will not be happy!

Sabrina - posted on 01/25/2011

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I have a 25month old boy I grew up with 3siblings.My husband is an only child and he said he only wants1(I am 29 he is almost36)I have went back and fourth because I feel like my son should have a sibling but we talked and in 3years we r gonna talk about having 1more I too had an awful pregnancy w/ a lot of undiagnosed problems(preclampsia,VERY high blood pressure I took presciption migraine medicine I was told it was ok and it wasn't By the grace of god we r both very healty I was induced a week and a half early he wieghed almost 10pounds and the doctor told me not to even go check he would be 7pounds at the mostHe didn't deliver my son and I was told to sue him I am telling you this because with the misery of the pregnancy and u already have 2 which is plenty and ur smart there not too far apartIts your decision I feeel like 1 of my sisters who has a 16year old and has been trying for 12years to get pregnant she is very jealous and she tries to hide it the other has her tubes tied and has 2(8&10 boy and girl)she wants another You should do what makes you happy Ignore jealousy and remember MANY women have kids in there late30's/early40's these days so just keep the option open Thats all u have to doGood luck and don't put unneccesary pressure on yourself

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2011

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I know how you feel I want to have a 3rd my self. I dont want all the things that comes along with having the kid but I love kids and want more. and Im getting in to my late 30s and not sure what to do my self. My kids are a year and 17 days apart and my oldest is in school now and my 2 year old is with me and I just cant get the feeling out of my head that I want to have another kid or kids. I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel.

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its not the same as having your own but one way to have more children and skip pregnancy would be to adopt a toddler! but seriously there are kids out there who need homes so if your not up for another pregnancy its something to consider. if you do want another of your own then go for it talk to your hubby is he for sure done? I myself have a toddler and a newborn and im about to get my tubes tied in a couple weeks. we decided we want to be going on family vacations to disney world and putting the boys in t-ball 5 years from now not starting over again with a newborn. 9 months of pregnancy followed by a year of breastfeeding for each baby is a big comittment and im not wanting to to do it a 3rd time. I feel like stopping now would allow us to spoil the two we have one kid per parent seems to work for us but everyones different.



dont make the decision based on what your friends think. you have to be comfortable with YOUR decision

Shelley - posted on 01/25/2011

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You gotta do what you think is right for you and your body. I know you want your little ones to grow up together but if your thinking of maybe two more kids, perhaps wait a couple of years. The kids will still grow up together but you will have 2 and 2 and the older kids would be a great help. Kids love babies and they enjoy feeling like they are a big help when a new baby is around. I had my kids 5 years apart due to a miscarriage inbetween because we were trying to get them closer together in age, but my son really loves his little sister and when she was born, he was really good with her. He always wanted to help with diaper changing. He would get the diapers and wipes and I would change her and he would throw the dirty diaper away, then he would help feed her and he enjoyed being a part of picking out her clothes for the day. He is now 9yrs old and she is 4 and he still likes to be protective big brother. He helps with teaching her the songs she is learning in pre-k and he likes to help her with learning how to read. He will read her stories when I'm a little busy cleaning up from dinner or taking care of other things that need to be done around the house. So, look at all the possibilities before making a final decission. Also, dont let your friends lives influence what makes you and your husband happy. If your not happy, your children will sense it and they wont be happy, but if your happy, you will have a really happy family and whether you have 1 child or 5 children, it wont matter because you will know that your home is filled with love. I hope this helps you, but I cant be the one to tell you what to do with your life and neither should anyone else. Good luck and I hope you and your family receive many blessings.

Nayuribe - posted on 01/25/2011

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that feeling will not go away till u have another kid!!! go ahead, and do it now that u're still in your "dipper period". i do believe it's easier when they are not so far apart. GO FOR IT!!! we have a saying in Costa Rica: "donde comen 2, comen 3 o 4" it means if u can feed 2, u can feed 3 or 4. the sacrifice of feeding and changing dippers at 2 am is well worth the peace of mind of being content with yourself.

Alexis - posted on 01/25/2011

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First of all, don't feel pressured to have more kids just because of the perceived jealousy or judgment of others. This is not about them and your not selfish to only want to have two. Now if you and your hubby do want to have more than great! and it is good that you are taking a realistic look at the hardships of having a newborn\ toddler as well as the 9 months of pregnancy. If after you and your husband have thought about all of this and you still don't want another then that is fine, and if you do, then that is fine too. You and your family are the ones who will have to deal with the sleepless nights, morning sickness and teething so leave the decision solely up to you and your hubby and nobody else.

Liz - posted on 01/25/2011

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I have three kids. A set of b/g twins that will be three in June and a son that will be one in July. my husband and I plan on having at least one more ( depends on what the last pregnancy is blessed with) if we have multiples again. But that isn't going to be until our youngest is about three years old.



My b/g twins were born six weeks early at 33 wks 6 days. My daughter weighed three pounds twelve ounces and my son four pounds ten ounces.



My youngest was born at 38 wks 6 days weighing in at six pounds one ounce.



I agree with what many others have said. Don't let people make you feel bad about your decisions. See where you are at in about a year or so when your little one is older and go from there.



I also have to add I'm the odd one out. Only a few of my friends have kids, and those that do have two or one.

Julie - posted on 01/25/2011

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I also have many friends with 3 and 4 children and also many with 2 that plan to have at least one more. I always pictured myself having 3 children and just assumed my husband and I would be having one more. Financially and emotionally my husband doesn't feel comfortable having another child and I have spent the past 6 months grieving the loss of the child I will never get to have....So, I do understand how you feel and I hope that both of us in time will find some acceptence in the fact that we were blessed with 2 when many couples who would love even 1 child can't conceive any. Allow yourself to feel how you are feeling because all your emotions are valid and whatever road your life takes from here be it no more children or 2 more etc it is what it was meant to be.

Charlie - posted on 01/24/2011

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I have two very close together like yourself .
Ive only ever wanted two for these reasons , physically it's all I feel I can have , Mentally I feel at my best with just two under my responsibility , environmentally each child make a huge impact on the planet and our resources I feel two is all I need in that respect any more and I personally feel I am asking to much , financially I want to be able to live a comfortable life with my family , I want to give them every opportunity available and that can cost money .

Jenny - posted on 01/24/2011

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thanks heaps for your responses :) i am feeling much more happy about my two after reading all everyone has to say :)

Shannon - posted on 01/24/2011

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my name is shannon and i have 5 kids one from my frist marriage at 18 and a step son that is 24 my new husdnad and i had one more she is now gonna be 16 i got prenet at 30 with twins!. i new i always wanted more then one butas much asi love them the twins arw 10 and we still have to try real hard to make time for one another we are also both disabled i use to work so you also have to think about all the things the kids want and need i think 2 or 3 oare good

Karen - posted on 01/24/2011

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Whatever you feel is right for you and of course hubby. I onluy have my son alot of people are always asking me if I want another. A little girl . I tell them no. I couldn't keep up with another. It's my choice. I then tell them I have a girl. They all look at me weird I claim my SD as mine. SO in realitly I do have one each. More then enough for me.
You are looking at everything and when you decide it will be right for you.

Ramona - posted on 01/24/2011

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You shouldnt feel guilty, I only have one kid and im 26 because i had horrible pregnancy's. I want my child to be able to go to whatever college he wants to and give him things that people who have 4 or 5 kids wont be able to do.

Tracie - posted on 01/24/2011

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Have you considered adopting an older baby? There will be no pregnancy to endure, no sleepless nights and all the joy of raising a child. Just a thought.

Melissa - posted on 01/24/2011

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I only have one daughter. My family is anxious for another so my daughter will have a sibling/playmate. I keep telling them that we didn't "try" to have her. God blessed us with her after 6 years of marriage. If God wants to bless us with another, we will happily accept.

The background story is that after testing, it was found that my DH had low sperm count. Low enough to probably need help. So my unexpected pregnancy is definitely God's doing!

I would definitely pray that the indecision but willingness to be a mother be heard and that God would direct your family size. I am an advocate of adoption as my nephew ended up in a Godly home - one my sister was unable to provide at the time. I also advocate being content and passionate about the family you already have. I find that I can defend my stance on family size easier when I acknowledge that God is in control.

Maggie - posted on 01/24/2011

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I love other people's babies. They are adorable. My boys are two and four. Every time I start to think about having another one I think about how my days and nights would be. We are done with diapers, we are done with bottles, we are done with waking up at night, done with teething, done with breastfeeding, done with morning sickness, done with heartburn, peeing every 10 minutes, getting kicked in the ribs. I really really REALLY don't want to start all over again with another one. If you are content with the two you have then don't let anyone pressure you into having another just because they did. Also, don't let the fear of regretting never having another one pressure you into having another. I think two is just the right amount. My husband and I have dates with the boys where he takes one and I take the other and we go have one-on-one time with them. If there were a third where would he go?
Another factor to consider; do you have space? can you afford it? We have a two bedroom house that is just big enough for two adults and two kids. We have a sedan that is just big enough for two adults and two kids. We can't really afford to get a new house or car; not to mention the diapers, clothes, car seat, stroller, crib, and any other baby accessories.

If you really want more kids why not try fostering or adopting? You could adopt an older child who is out of diapers so you could skip the stuff you hate and get right to the fun age.

Hailey - posted on 01/24/2011

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i have 1 and i think she is hard work i wuld like a 2nd when she is bout 7 a long wait but i dnt now if i want another yet if i did it wuld because my bf tht im with now is not her dad so he wuld like 1 but i want to do it right this time get married a house and save probly so he has got a lot to do to convince me :)

Jenny - posted on 01/24/2011

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Thanks Darlene :) thats great reasons to stay at two :) my husband and i were talking last night and we did say that if we have three there'd always be a third wheel, so either stay at two or commit to 4, and i dont think i can do that at the moment, maybe years down the track we could have another two close in age :)

Darlene - posted on 01/23/2011

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Take a year and think about it.I was an only child, envied everyone w/ siblings. I have 4 kids of my own and I envy everyone w/ six now. But I had a hard time adjusting to rivalry. I tell mommies; 2 is perfect, you have two hands, two parents, car and house size arent an issue, even # for the rides @amusement parks, a live in playmate, etc, etc, etc. Ive always hear you may regret NOT having another, but you'll never look at your child and regret having him. So I say your kids are still really young, you dont have to decide now, giv yourself a yr

Jenny - posted on 01/23/2011

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thats too funny!
my husband has a cousin like that, she's pregnant with her 7th or 8th (i've totally lost count!) and all of them were CESEAREAN! at the risk of sounding insensitive, im surprised she hasnt spilt in two yet. she says its easier now coz most of the older ones are in school and she's only left home with 3.....ummm im only left home with two and sometimes thats hard! lol.
i just hate the guilt of feeling selfish! wish i could move to another planet!

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I have a friend like that. It seems like her husband barely LOOKS in her direction and she's pregnant! No birth control ever. She's not even 30 and just had baby #7. I give her credit for taking great care of them all and she is a good mom but DAYUM! That's a lot of babies! Some people are just meant to have large families. I never wanted a large family like that. But in my head, when I was younger, I always saw myself with 3. Now, with my age as a consideration and after seeing how difficult it can be with just one? As much as I think I'd like another, sometimes I'm glad for just the one :)

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