Working mom's critisizing SAHMs??

Kyla - posted on 09/24/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Okay so I plan to be a SAHM once my baby is born as me and my boyfriend have talked about it and that is what we have chosen to do...



Now I have working moms critisizing me of my choices, talking as if there are no such thing as SAHM's anymore!! What the heck?? I am seriously starting to believe that they are jealous or something that we SAHM's get to spend tons of time with our kids, and don't have to work... They say "now days there is no such thing with how much things cost! It is just impossible!" -- Well I tell those working mom's to think about what they are saying a little more before shooting out accusations and uninformed assumptions! There are LOTS of SAHM's, EVERYWHERE! Perhaps they just choose not to see them because of closed minds or something... I have no idea! But it's seriously annoying!



The baby isn't even born yet and I have working mom's trying to tell me how to live my life and raise our baby! Blah! Just let us do it the way we want to, and you do it the way YOU want to!

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Naomi - posted on 09/25/2009

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That's excatly what it is they are jelous. My fiancee is a commercial fisherman so I'm a SAHM and very grateful for it and we can afford it. alot of times they miss their baby's first things cause they are in daycare. It's alot of work staying home with your baby. You don't get much interaction with adults, but the reward is so much more staying with your child plus now a days who can you trust with your pride and joy? espicially if they can't talk yet. I also take care of my 3 yr.old grandaughter. It's alot of work but i wouldn't have it any other way. SO DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD. My cousin had to go back to work and she wishes she was able to stay home.

Good Luck and enjoy your baby

Tracy - posted on 09/25/2009

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I think you can't win not matter what you do with some people. I think both working mums and stay at home mums both get critcized. One thing I learned when I become a parent that people will have advice for everything....LOL. Its hard at times but you just have to do what best for your family. I love being a SAHM but I did find it hard in the beginning. It did take a bit of adjustment as I was so used to earning my own money and not having any friends that had children made it hard socialising. I thought about going back to work but just could'nt do it. I enjoy spending time with my little boy and I hope to have another next year. Good luck with everything and enjoy every moment because they go by so fast :)

Sarah - posted on 09/25/2009

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Hi Kyla

I feel your pain!! I realise that all family situations are different so I do not judge people that have kids in daycare but I get annoyed when people judge me for my choice too.
I have been a SAHM for nearly 3 years and I still get told things like...

'Your children will suffer if they don't go to daycare to socialise"
'Oh I couldn't do that it would be so boring, what do you do all day?'
I even have people ask things like 'Well your husband must make a lot of money to afford that - how much does he make?'

Firstly we also have prioritised our family life over having lots of money so I just laugh off the last question. As far as socialisation I believe our children are well socialised and have lots of interaction with other children (and adults) through play-group and other activities that we are involved in.
But sometimes I do get board (more mentally then physically) but on the whole I am pretty busy. My concern lately is that I have been out of paid work so long that I will have trouble when I want it. I have also decided l never want to work full-time out of the house again so I need to re-skill myself then when the time comes that my kids are all at school I can find flexible work. I am going to do a diploma part time one night a week so that my husband or my parents can look after the children.

I know that you are probably so so so sick of getting advice but as one SAHM to another my one regret is that I didn't start doing something for 'myself' earlier because after three years I sometimes feel as though I only know other Mums and am un-employable (and worry what would happen if my hubby became sick and couldn't work)... so if you have the opportunity to learn something new or attend a group that you love - take it!
I think you have made a very good choice and that your children will benefit from your choice - enjoy it and I hope you have a great pregnancy and birth!!
Sarah

Kerry - posted on 09/24/2009

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I have spent most of my time as a SAHM but have also worked partime on and off due to finances and i must say that the hardest thing for me emotionally was being at home. I love being with my kids at home, knowing it is the best thing for them but I have had to find ways of avoiding feeling isolated and sometimes feeling like i need to validate my time at home more. there are always two sides to the story and both choices have their benefits, I guess what i'm trying to say is don't judge something until you have tried it and don't let other people influence your choices

Christie - posted on 09/24/2009

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I totally know how you feel but let me tell you it is not only possible but the best choice you could ever make! I am a new stay at home mom and I gave up a job I loved to do it and don't regret it for a second. We had to make some life style changes since I was the breadwinner my husband is a full time student. But if we can make it work i think anyone can! I recommend the Book in praise of stay at home mom's by Dr Laura Schlessinger. It really helped me cope with the nay sayer and really validated my choice.

With the advice givers just know that they are jealous every mom must secretly wish they coul dspend more time with their children and they know the child will benefit from having you taking care of them. I would tell women like that that I wanted to be the one to raise my kids so I wouldn't have to worry about someone else messing them up.

There is always a way for you to do it you just might have to make some sacrifices.

You have made a great choice!!! It will be more than worth it!!

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User - posted on 08/19/2011

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Just let all that BS ppl preach your way go through one ear out the other. Being a SAHM is not against the law. You can always tell them"Hey, you are not paying my bills, my rent, paying for my food-you can't tell me nothing" or "We can go over your rules on how I live my life when you pay me some child support" lol-to this person. That works for me when others start the preaching.

Jane - posted on 10/03/2009

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unfortunately there are some moms who aren't supportive of other moms. do what's right for your family. they're little for such a short period of time, you'll have plenty of time to get back to work later on. enjoy the time while you can.

Darci - posted on 10/02/2009

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There are working mothers who are supportive of the SAHM too. I was a teacher before my first child arrived, and when I resigned from teaching to stay home with my kids my coworkers said, "Good for you! We can always tell which kids had a SAHM." Kudos to all of you for joining the ranks of SAHM! Teachers thank you.

[deleted account]

Quoting Kyla:

Thank you all for your replies :D They have all been very encouraging and helpful!

I know that everyone has advice for everything, especially when you first become a parent (even after you're already a parent!). I've read in so many parenting books and pregnancy forums just that little piece of advice, and all of them say the best thing to do is to smile and thank them for their helpful advice, whether or not it is what you would choose to do or not, and then just pick and choose the actual advice that you do use. After all, it is YOUR baby, and if someone is going to keep pushing and persisting their "helpful advice" on you about how to raise your own child when clearly you are wanting to try it a different way, then they need to be reminded just who's baby this is, lol.

It gets so frustrating sometimes, but it really helps to know that I'm not alone, and really, none of us are.

I suppose working moms do get their share of critisizm, but I can't help but think with how the times are now, SAHM's seem to be getting a little bit extra, just because so many things cost so much more. Everything you see on TV and in the mdeia is all about having money and status and all of the good things in life and apparently that's the ONLY way to have a good life.... PFFFFFFFFT! I think people are listening way too much to the media, and that is why SAHM's are getting so much critisizm. I suppose we have a different way of thinking than those more closed-minded working mom's who love to just sit there and critisize because we're just not as rich as they are... You are right, babies DON'T know the difference between Tommy Hillfiger or Walmart- and if they did, nor would they even care.

The only thing that a baby wants is to feel happy, healthy, loved and comfortable! And I'm sorry if you believe otherwise, but money doesn't buy happieness, no matter how you want to look at it. (People can be the richest people in the world, but they can also be some of the most miserable people in the world because of things NOT related to money!!!!)


AAAMMMEEENNN!!!! Thank you for making me realize I'm not the only one going through this. Hang in there. You are doing the right thing for your child. Your right money doesnt make up for the time. God Bless You and Your Family! and Congratulations!

Kyla - posted on 09/25/2009

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Thank you all for your replies :D They have all been very encouraging and helpful!



I know that everyone has advice for everything, especially when you first become a parent (even after you're already a parent!). I've read in so many parenting books and pregnancy forums just that little piece of advice, and all of them say the best thing to do is to smile and thank them for their helpful advice, whether or not it is what you would choose to do or not, and then just pick and choose the actual advice that you do use. After all, it is YOUR baby, and if someone is going to keep pushing and persisting their "helpful advice" on you about how to raise your own child when clearly you are wanting to try it a different way, then they need to be reminded just who's baby this is, lol.



It gets so frustrating sometimes, but it really helps to know that I'm not alone, and really, none of us are.



I suppose working moms do get their share of critisizm, but I can't help but think with how the times are now, SAHM's seem to be getting a little bit extra, just because so many things cost so much more. Everything you see on TV and in the mdeia is all about having money and status and all of the good things in life and apparently that's the ONLY way to have a good life.... PFFFFFFFFT! I think people are listening way too much to the media, and that is why SAHM's are getting so much critisizm. I suppose we have a different way of thinking than those more closed-minded working mom's who love to just sit there and critisize because we're just not as rich as they are... You are right, babies DON'T know the difference between Tommy Hillfiger or Walmart- and if they did, nor would they even care.



The only thing that a baby wants is to feel happy, healthy, loved and comfortable! And I'm sorry if you believe otherwise, but money doesn't buy happieness, no matter how you want to look at it. (People can be the richest people in the world, but they can also be some of the most miserable people in the world because of things NOT related to money!!!!)

Jenn - posted on 09/25/2009

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I worked for a while after the birth of my first (he was 1 when I started working), but now I'm a SAHM and it most certainly IS possible and clearly a lot of people do it, so your friends are crazy! Sure you will have one less income, but you also don't have to pay for daycare, gas to and from work along with wear and tear on your vehicle, etc., you won't have to pay for formula if you are home (if you choose to breastfeed), you will have more time to cook at home so you will save on take-out or convenience foods. And besides, with the way people live these days sometimes I think it's nice to live on less and find ways to save - come up with creative, inexpensive ways to have fun, and who says kids NEED to have all those expensive toys and clothes - does a baby REALLY know the difference if they are wearing Tommy Hillfiger or Walmart clothes? I say good for you for deciding what's right for your family - good luck and have fun! :)

Kyla - posted on 09/24/2009

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Exactly! And that is what I tell them... One has said to me "if daycare is good enough for everyone elses babies, why isn't it good enough for yours so that you can work?" Hmm well I don't want to leave my baby at daycare all the time, having some other people practically raise my kids for me... Blah, it's true, they are just jealous that they feel the need to work, or NEED to work and don't even have the choice to stay at home like us. I actually kind of feel sorry for them now that I think about it.

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